Argh FFS - crisis team judgement

[elementofsurprise]

Trying not to completely lose it here. Just had ridiculous conversation with woman from the crisis team. She asked what would help, usual script, I said I thought therapy. Had to explain TWICE that primary care IAPT won't see me ('too complex') and secondary care repeated ignore referrals and have asked my GP not to re-refer because I'll only be disappointed.

For 5.5 years I have been trying to access therapy. Since I broke down. I was almost there once, but services kept getting cut and rearranged.

Explained this to her.

Her response was "Well, if you're not willing to try to access the services..."
ARGHHHHHHHH
Explained again, I keep goingto my GP, he keeps referring, they won't see me.

Response: "If you're just going to get annoyed with me..."
FFS! Am I not entitled to sound just a tad frustrated in this situation?

Managed to remain calm and explained yet again, for 5.5 years I have tried to get therapy so am feeling a bit hopeless now. Understandably, I'd have thought. Apparently I should just keep going back to the GP (even though it makes me feel worse and more hopeless cos GP can't do anything.)
Pointed out definition of madness was doing the same thing gain and again but expecting different results.

Feel hopeless and worthless. Want pain to end. Want to be good enough to be treated nicely and loved. (I thought I was but apparently not from how people treat me. Don't want another thread about that though.)

Sorry, didnt mean to sound so bleak in reply before. Just feel really hopeless if I'm expected to do things I can't actually do in order to be allowed help. I feel really rubbish and try not to think about what I can't do, but focus on what I am getting done. I'm still in bed right now, having a bad day. Going to drag myself to shop now. Feel a bit like whats the point, im still not good enough. Meh.

I totally get where ur coming from, I suffered really badly with depression after the birth of my first son I found that all GPS do is throw anti depressants at u instead of actually trying 2 get 2 the root cause of the depression. Anyway my depression got so bad that I got 2 a point that I couldn't be alone with my baby I just couldn't cope my husband nearly lost his job cos he had 2 keep taking days off. One day he made an emergency appointment for me and the gp was a young new doctor he was the first gp I'd seen who I felt took me serious he referred me straight away for talking therapy. I went for that therapy a week later and the person just talked 2 me like I was a piece of shit! She made me feel like I shouldn't be there I told her sometimes I have thoughts of harming myself and she implied that I shouldn't be saying things like that cos social services could take my son. I came out of there that day feeling 100 times worse than when I went in. And it took a lot for me 2 open up like that. That was 6 years ago and I've since recovered from all that but I just think the system is a joke when it comes 2 mental health you'd nearly need 2 be hanging from a rope before they'd help u. I really hope u get the help u need

Gems - you are right. If you have the wrong therapist then it's worse than no therapy. I had a therapist tell me I was pathetic and to pull myself together. Needless to say, I decided not to waste £45 an hour on her any more.

I don't understand why people are so against anti depressants though. They have been wonderful for me - I see everything differently.

Lottielou7- its not that I'm against antidepressants its just I don't think they help in the long run and I think doctors just hand them out 2 freely instead of actually trying 2 get 2 the root cause of why someone is depressed. When I started on antidepressants they did help my mood a bit but personally I wouldn't consider them a long term solution for depression. Mainly because of the side effects, I found that after being on them a while I neither felt happy or sad in fact I just felt numb and void of all emotions, I thought about it one day and I couldn't remember the last time I cried. Also I found that they completely take away ur sex drive. Not ideal when you're a young married couple

You shouldn't feel numb, that's not good. I think people are depressed for different reasons so I agree it shouldn't be a blanket treatment at all. I take sertraline for my anxiety. I have found it brilliant and it doesn't affect my sex drive at all. GPs shouldn't just give them without a full picture. I have AS so have grown up with a feeling I don't fit which I think has caused some of my issues. But also anxiety is so common in people with ASDs.

Sorry don't mean 2 sound dumb what does AS stand for?? I've never been good at getting abbreviations on these forums! Lol. I think all of us feel like that sometimes (like u don't fit in) even the most confident people, some people r just better at hiding it than others. I find that as u get older too u start 2 care less about what people think of u, as long as a have a few good friends and a loving family who cares what anyone else thinks

Aspergers syndrome?

Thanks for the replies.

Gems Unfortunately many people don't have a loving family or good friends around them. Being mentally ill for years can have that sort of effect. I have tons of aquaintances, and fairly arms-length friends, but not so much people I can be open with.

AS is Aspergers syndrome.

Yeah I know what u mean some people aren't that lucky 2 have good friends and family,what I meant was that's just how I feel at the moment but tbh that could all change at anytime, I find I could be OK for months then that dark cloud just seems 2 come back out of nowhere! I don't know enough about aspergers 2 comment on it but I can relate when u say mental illness can really affect your relationships, there r times I feel like the whole world is against me and I just don't like people on general!

*in general