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Original poster

Anyone else really struggle with the day to day basics of life? The stuff that everyone else seems to manage? Come and join me for a Support Thread.

79 replies

fuzzpig · 01/01/2016 13:11

Hello!

I struggle with everything. All the stuff that normal people are supposed to do like getting out of the house, keeping myself clean and tidy, picking up after myself etc.

I have long standing MH issues which make this all very difficult, coupled with never learning all this stuff from my parents. I have also finally been diagnosed with ASD (Asperger's). I struggle with routines and have really low self esteem so it feels pointless trying to look after myself.

I really, really want to change this though. I have to.

Please join me? Let's support each other.

Thanks
OP posts:
PandaPop55 · 01/01/2016 15:23

Thank you for starting this, I feel like I am dragging myself from day to day at the moment, most things i am struggling with. Although i am still aware that this will get better as it has in the past, several times.

Original poster
fuzzpig · 01/01/2016 15:59

Hi PandaPop (I remember them! Had them at the school canteen :o) thank you for posting. IKWYM about the 'dragging' feeling, I feel like I'm just surviving.

I'm on another few threads for various things like housework etc - MN is an absolute lifeline for me (although I admit I really should spend less time online generally!) - but I sometimes feel like even the things on those threads are a bit beyond me because I struggle with things that are far simpler. But I don't want to feel like the smaller things I struggle with wouldn't be an achievement, because even though they are smaller than the stuff most people are trying to do, it IS an achievement for me.

It pains me to admit it but I'm not going to get anywhere if I'm not honest, so my first habit that I want to get into is actually looking after my teeth, because at the moment I don't. Blush Sad

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PandaPop55 · 01/01/2016 19:26

U admire your honesty and u r right it is important. I think that is a good start and it is hopefuly achievable for you. Please don't feel its not a big achievement compared to what others r struggling with, u should be proud of every small step u take. I do let my appearence and hygiene slip when i feel like this, not so much my teeth, but in other ways.

ProfessorPreciseaBug · 01/01/2016 20:09

Am I allowed to say, I am sort of OK at the moment?
I am very low with the winter light and frustration about a number of issues... but I am coping with the support of my better half.

I find a bit of housework helps ... even if it simply gets the house clean for a while...

Original poster
fuzzpig · 01/01/2016 20:59

Thank you Panda and yes of course Prof I'm glad that you are managing! :)

Housework is another thing I really need to get better at, DH does pretty much all of it and it builds up fast as he's working a ridiculous amount. I have a chronic illness which obviously makes it hard but even before that I just didn't manage with anything really.

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PandaPop55 · 01/01/2016 21:48

Hi Prof, also glad 2 hear ur okay, that is great. It helps to remind me that I can and will be okay again. I tend to be looking on here for hope when im struggling but don't come on and give it when im okay, as when im okay i just want to forget the bad stuff. I really need to change that!

PandaPop55 · 02/01/2016 20:04

Hey fuzzpig, how has today been?

Original poster
fuzzpig · 02/01/2016 20:12

Ok thank you - didn't do too much but did my teeth at the same time as the DCs this morning. Didn't manage much with the house as we'd run out of laundry stuff but DH picked some up on the way home so I'll stick a wash on now. :)

How are you?

OP posts:
PandaPop55 · 02/01/2016 23:33

Yeah i am okay. Glad u did your teeth 😆

OneNightTimeMenaceStrikesBack · 03/01/2016 05:03

i struggle a lot. between my MH difficulties and long term chronic disabilities, even basic things like showering are often beyond my reach. if it weren't for my sister doing the bulk of my housework, i'd live in filth i guess a sit just overwhelms me to the point i end up just crying. its the physical pain and the mental just meh i guess. add all that together withe crippling insomnia i've got right now, i fee like a filthy, disgusting fat mess Sad

Original poster
fuzzpig · 13/01/2016 02:17

Hi One I'm sorry you are struggling too :( MH and physical problems are a pretty toxic mix aren't they?

I've done a little better lately, new year is still helping me feel a little optimistic I guess. I've been in a lot of pain the last couple of evenings though, hence being awake at this ridiculous time which is obviously not going to help. Thankfully it's a quiet day tomorrow.

Today I was really pleased, ordinarily I would've left dinner for DH to cook or asked him to pick up something on the way home, which wouldn't be til half 6 so a bit late for DCs... this happens so often when I can't manage making something. But today I did, just cobbled together a decent meal out of leftovers, plenty of veg. So that's an achievement :)

OP posts:
Poppybella2015 · 13/01/2016 10:08

I would like to join this thread too if that's ok? Xxx

Original poster
fuzzpig · 13/01/2016 12:24

Yay! Hello Poppy I'm glad you came here. It's very quiet but I think I really need to keep posting because it is incredibly easy to slip out of new good habits.

Right, laundry's done so I'm going to put the next lot on. Should be able to get it tumble dried by this evening so it can all be put away (I find that bit harder than the actual washing sometimes! DCs do their own though)

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Poppybella2015 · 13/01/2016 17:04

Hi fuzzpig! I really identified with the not having energy to do every day things! I have done well today, I cancelled relatives coming over and gave the girls a nice long bath, I'm hoping tonight I can do a washload and shower and wash my own hair.

Original poster
fuzzpig · 25/01/2016 17:32

I really thought I'd replied to your post Poppy so sorry Blush

I'm pleased you managed that, how are you doing now?

I'm trying to make progress, it's very very slow. But our new oven arrived so we've rearranged the kitchen a bit. We now have a proper bin with bin liners so no more shoving kitchen rubbish in a carrier bag. Really stupid it's taken that long but we must move forward rather than look back, no?

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LazyCake · 25/01/2016 20:29

Thanks for starting this thread, fuzzpig. I also struggle greatly with all the day-to-day stuff that other people just seem to do on autopilot. It's so reassuring to know that I am not the only one!

Today has been difficult, to say the least. Poor DH got home an hour ago to find me and DD in chaos as usual! But this thread has inspired me to lay out our clothes for tomorrow and go and take a shower, which'll hopefully make the morning that little bit easier.

Keep going everyone!

MyBigFatNameChange · 26/01/2016 00:18

Oh I'm glad I found this thread. I feel less alone now. I've just been having a minor meltdown because it all feels too much and then there's the added guilt of why are the basics too much. I am considering just taking a day for me and dd tomorrow. I feel like I never get to see her even though I'm a SAHM with her (only silver lining to my MH I suppose) because all the basics take so much time and so much head room when I'm not doing them. She's almost 4 years old and I feel like my mh has robbed us of most of our time together. I just want to hit the pause button for a day and enjoy her. But then the weight of doing this and that and this and that tomorrow spoils it.

hefzi · 26/01/2016 00:40

I washed my hair for the first time in a fortnight yesterday, after putting sheets onto the bed that had lacked them for five days. It's ridiculous how hard it can be to do things sometimes. I have to go into work tomorrow, which is why I'm up now, fretting about it - but at least I have clean hair, finally...

Original poster
fuzzpig · 26/01/2016 11:38

Thanks for joining us :) it's nice not to be alone with this. I just wish all this 'easy' stuff wasn't such a bloody struggle!

Currently procrastinating over some phonecalls I'm supposed to make. Looking after myself seems pointless today. Blah. Laundry to hang out as well.

But we've got a meal planned for this evening and I'm determined to prepare some of it myself, with DD, so that it's not all left to DH when he gets home.

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hefzi · 27/01/2016 00:14

It's bizarre, isn't it, how something like a making a call turns into a massive effort? I have a list of things to do, and the calls took me forever to do: partly the thought of having to speak to someone, I suppose - but just the effort. I just feel sometimes like someone's taken my batteries out!

I hope your meal went well, anyway - don't forget too, it's not that you're being lazy yourself: it's just this bloody illness that makes everything such hard work Flowers

LazyCake · 27/01/2016 07:33

Oh, MyBigFatNameChange, that's exactly how I feel about time with my DD, 3. I keep telling myself, 'we'll go out and have some fun together when the flat is sorted' - trouble is, it never does get sorted!

Hope work was ok, hefzi.

Original poster
fuzzpig · 27/01/2016 08:59

Thanks, yesterday ended up ok really :) today we are out at a meetup and that'll be tiring but fun. I'm still in bed though :o

How was work hefzi

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Original poster
fuzzpig · 05/02/2016 20:26

How is everyone doing? I'm struggling; I had a coldy bug and it caused a lot of pain.

I've managed a bit more cooking than usual though, and also the other day when I had a bath ignoring the fact I didn't wash my hair that time I actually used moisturiser after Shock

OP posts:
MrsLiamNeeson · 05/02/2016 20:39

Oh thank God I found this thread. I thought I was the only one who was like this.

I too find every day basics too much to handle. I have chronic back pain which means that a lot of things hurt when I move. I find it so hard to be bothered about anything, if that makes sense. I don't shower regularly, brush my teeth... little things that should be a daily thing. I find myself having to work up the energy to do even little things. It's a combination of the pain, and the depression.

I'm incredibly lucky to have a fantastic DH who takes care of the bulk of everything, while I do any admin tasks and take care of budgeting. So I don't actually live in squalor, and my children are clean and fed.

I'm sorry that there are others who feel like this, but I'm so glad I'm not alone. Flowers to all.

Original poster
fuzzpig · 06/02/2016 10:17

Hi Liam I'm sorry you are struggling too. Thanks Thank you for joining us. It's so hard isn't it. It's like, why bother?! It's reasonably easy to take care of the DCs - we've even had visits from SS when things were really bad healthwise (DH had a back injury when I got really sick) but they always said they couldn't actually help because they could see that the kids were well looked after and loved. I just got a telling off for never looking after myself as well as them!

I forgot to share another positive yesterday. I've been sleeping downstairs for a while due to having the cold (I need to be propped up as I can't breathe properly otherwise) and normally that means having DVDs on through the night as distraction. But for the last two nights, I've been reading, and actually just turned the light off and went to sleep instead of putting the TV back on!

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