Anyone else really struggle with the day to day basics of life? The stuff that everyone else seems to manage? Come and join me for a Support Thread.

[fuzzpig]

Hello!

I struggle with everything. All the stuff that normal people are supposed to do like getting out of the house, keeping myself clean and tidy, picking up after myself etc.

I have long standing MH issues which make this all very difficult, coupled with never learning all this stuff from my parents. I have also finally been diagnosed with ASD (Asperger's). I struggle with routines and have really low self esteem so it feels pointless trying to look after myself.

I really, really want to change this though. I have to.

Please join me? Let's support each other.

[MoominPie22]

Hi all . thought I´d wander in cos I´ve read the thread and can totally identify with all of you, alas. We live in a 2 bed flat and have 1 child, no pets, and it´s always a bloody shit tip. It gets to the stage where I feel like I´m chasing my tale and getting nowhere fast so I just give up!

I annoy myself cos I´m one of those people that feels overwhelmed by the housework ( or anything really ) so I just stick my head in the sand and hope it goes away. I really wish I was a ¨normal¨ person who keeps on top of things so that friends can just pop by spontaneously, but I´d feel so ashamed of the state of the place that I always need like, 48hrs notice that people are visiting, or something.

I´m a SAHM too so God knows how people cope who work and have more than 1 kid!

The thing is with me, due to depression, I really have lost interest and motivation in how I look as well as how my home looks. It´s wrong to have no pride, but as you´ve all said, it´s like a massively disproportionate amount of mental energy is required to do a simple task. But the tasks never end though do they? They´re relentless.

I don´t get people who run around like they´ve OD´d on Redbull, constantly ensuring the house looks like a showroom....I really wish it was such a priority to me but doing constant chores feels like purgatory to me. It´s so mindnumbingly boring, the relentless drudgery of keeping on top of the housework. It´s the epitome of a thankless task.

I´m a British Expat living abroad, unable to work due to the language barrier, so the daily non-stop tedium has finally ground me down so that I can´t even be arsed in anything anymore. I just think ¨what´s the point?¨...actually that´s something that´s deserving of it´s own thread elsewhere so I won´t go into too much detail here.....

But safe to say, if it wasn´t for my daughter I doubt I´d get up most mornings and getting washed and dressed is the equivalent to doing a Triathlon most days! I could comfort eat for Europe, I know what I should be doing ( hello good nutrition and exercise yadda yadda....) but I have zero willpower or energy to make those changes.

Oh yeah, and thank God for Batiste Dry Shampoo is all I can say!

[fuzzpig]

That Batiste stuff never worked for me! (yes I tried :o)

Welcome :)

I'm just trying to relax by having the living room to myself for a bit. I had a couple of days at mum's with the DCs which is always quite tiring!

So DH is now on his notice period. No new job yet :( BUT at least we know what's happening with him working his notice (uncertainty really gets to me) so that's something.

We've also worked out that, having decided this week that we should stop hanging around for a council house (we're on the list for overcrowding - went on the list a few years ago when I got ill - but looks like another couple of years to wait) and move to another private rent in a cheaper area... turns out we can't afford that. At all. We are stuck here!

It's annoying but in a way it's probably a good thing. We really need to sort this place out, I'd hate to have moved all this clutter with us.

I cut my hair and I am pleased with how quick it was to wash and dry, and it's easy to brush too. I hate how it looks!

Oh and I got myself a face moisturiser as well. Small steps.

[OnceMoreIntoTheBleach]

Moomin it must be so hard in a new country etc. I hope you can manage to get out sometimes so you don't get more and more depressed

I work and am Single with 2DC and a dog, but I honesty don't think the numbers really matter. I think for me, it's a mental block rather a practical one. Like Moomin said, it's a feeling of being overwhelmed. I think I'd feel the same if I had no job and no kids. In fact, when I have time off, I'm even less motivated than when I have daily stress to keep up with!

Moomin, maybe get to some activities with your DC or just set up a weekday routine of shopping one day, cleaning, out for a walk at a set time etc? Routine helps stop me floundering.

All, I broke this week and asked my DM to come help me sort my house out. We spent 3 hours clearing surfaces, dealing with washing, chucking stuff out to make new space for homeless items, etc. I'm sort of doing a KonMari thing - I think making sure everything has a place will make tidying easier, as it will take all the decision making out of it, as decision making is what overwhelms me the most.

I will hopefully just be able to do it on autopilot and then will not wake up to a shit tip every day. Then I might feel more inclined and able to find the time and energy to shower maybe?

[MoominPie22]

Hi girls, thanks for the welcomes....will be back later to post properly.

It´s 1130 here and still in dressing gown so off to get ready and get out. School hols, Urgh! Back to school nxt wk tho so maybe more routine and having to get up and out early every day will help enforce change. Hate feeling so slobtastic but no incentive to get my arse in gear when there´s no school/job to rush to.

[TeaT1me]

I haven't read full thread yet but will later. I have ME and depression. I was super bright academically but certainly never fulfilled potential and now struggle with day to day things
I suspect I may be add but have masked it well. I had a traumatic childhood too.

I feel such a failure not being able to keep house organised or on top of things, or happy.

[LoneRangeress]

Is there room for one more??

Really helps to know there's other people feeling the same.

Trying to find the energy to get dressed and be 'normal'

[fuzzpig]

Always room for more of us, welcome

DH has done some tidying today while I took the DCs to climbing club. Now watching a movie and hoping to make a family effort after - DCs' room needs attacking so the new bed can fit (one broke, and luckily a friend is selling one)

[MoominPie22]

Well I´ve got a little get together arranged for Sat and invited 3 couples and 2 kids around ( would´ve been more but I can only practically fit so many people into a flat ) so the place is gonna have to be spotless! LOL But at least my OH will be lending a hand. I´m on bathroom and spare loo duty tomorrow. Need to buy some of that spray that gets rid of all the mildew on the grout/bath seal cos it looks all brown and minging....

Speaking of unattractive stains....how the heck do you get rid of the limescale ( or whatever it is ) in the loo under the water level? Tried bleach, tried white vinegar and it doesn´t shift it completely.

It´s funny what an incentive having company round provides. You have to go that extra mile, like cleaning around the outside of the loo at the bottom and the back, and other places that I normally wouldn´t pay attention to! lol Or actually moving the settee out and hoovering underneath it ( plus remove the cushions and hoover ) rather than just around it. The ¨Out of sight, out of mind¨mentality that I usually adhere to has to be upgraded!

I´ve really no enthusiasm or talent for cooking so will provide some snacky things and plenty of alcohol. I will go mad and do some chicken drumsticks in the slow cooker though, and looked online for ideas for other ¨appetizer¨ type thingies. I´m even gonna attempt some Turkey mince meatballs with Feta and spinach! This is wandering into Adventurous territory for me, haha [grin} Will do a sml batch tomorrow for a trial run incase they´re a disaster.

So if anyone has any ideas for easy picky snacks, maybe something that can be made in advance and kept overnight, please let me know. Ideas and inspiration always welcome I will buy in some things i.e quiche, crackers, crisps but I didn´t wanna buy in everything. It´s nice to make a bit of effort. I´m just not a confident cook.

Gonna have an early night as knackered, insomnia been particularly bad this week so in a sleep debt. How´s everyone doing? Nice to see some more new faces...

[fuzzpig]

IKWYM about needing a gathering as an incentive to tidy! I've almost given up

But this week I have had a bath and washed my hair twice already so I'm glad I cut it, it's made it much easier.

[madmomma]

Moomin try cheapo denture cleaning tablets overnight in the toilet

[fuzzpig]

Oh FFS my tooth broke :( a back one so not visible thankfully

[MoominPie22]

madmomma Thanks, never heard of that one before. Will put that on my list...

fuzzy Oh no! What were you eating? Hope it´s not causing you too much discomfort and you can get a dentist appt soon. I got my hair cut short, a good 6inch off so it´s now collar length. That was 6wks ago and my OH still hasn´t noticed!

I don´t think I´m being unreasonable to be pissed off about this. Even joked with the hairdresser I´d throttle him if he didn´t notice! I wouldn´t care but I´ve had long hair the entire time he´s known me. You know that feeling when you may aswell be a fucking pot plant........?

I mostly always shower cos it´s less palarver but I used to have a bath so I could lock the door for 2hrs and read, to have some Me Time. Had full intentions of doing hair with a Deep Conditioning treatment and shave all my bits.....well none of that ever happened But I think baths are too relaxing for me and sap my energy. It´s just a pain in the arse balancing on one leg trying to shave my legs! lol

I´m now gonna go thru sm bookmarked recipes for homemade dips and things and list the ingredients I need, as well as other stuff I need to buy. Honestly, I´m bad, I´ve never even made homemade hummus or salsa before but I´ve got a blender so what can possibly go wrong?! But at least they´re meant to be simple and at least I can say ¨I made that!¨, like on Come Dine With Me!! haha

Wish it wasn´t the school hols, it´s a lot easier cleaning and traipsing round shops without my daughter in tow but nevermind. I can get way more done flying round on my own. OK no more procrastination....today I will view my flat through visitor´s eyes and really give it some welly!

Hope you girls have a positive day, even if you do one thing no matter how small it might seem. Seriously, I would so not be doing cleaning today if I hadn´t arranged for people to come round. But I got worried people would think me a weirdo cos they always invite me to their´s but I never invite anyone round, so hopefully a clean pad+company+playmates for my daughter+food and alcohol=good times so the pay off will be worth it

May the Force be with you girlies, I´m off to make a coffee then List like a Boss!

Laters x

[fuzzpig]

Ask him outright, notice anything different about me?! He sounds unobservant at best.

Re: the tooth, I don't know as I didn't notice when it happened. It's not hurting at all, but it's been pointed out that I need to get it sorted to stop it getting worse. I don't have a dentist and it reeeally scares me.

[toomanychins]

Can I join ? X

[fuzzpig]

Of course, welcome!

I've not been back lately as I had a really awful start to the week health wise. Little better now and we've made some progress with the house.

Really loving having shorter hair. I hate what it looks like down (thick hair - I look like a freakin lion :o) but it's still fine to be tied up and I can actually brush it in a couple of minutes now rather than spending ages detangling.

Since DCs got a new bed in their room (previous one broke and thankfully a friend was selling one) their room is much tidier too.

Quiet day at home tomorrow thank goodness, will hopefully manage some minor housework stuff.

[Wineandchease]

Hi - can I join . I have episodes of anxiety and when I do I really struggle . I just want to sit - I don't have the energy to do anything - any advice ?

[DevilsInTheDetail]

Hi everyone- may i join too?

I have been suffering with PND and anxiety since my DD 18 months ago, some days i feel i can take on the world, other days i am a wreck who can just about lift my head off the pillow, do anyone else experience this?

[Meeep]

Me.
I fail and I'm disappointed with myself every single day.

[DevilsInTheDetail]

meeep i can empathize

[madmomma]

Me too meeep xx

[Tate15]

I'm struggling with my house. I've only just moved here a few months and already have slipped backwards.

I can't stop buying things and then board it all and then because I can't find stuff I buy more. My home is full. I don't have emotional attachment to stuff like hoarders do, I just get overwhelmed by the thought of sorting it all out. I have OCD and it's all packed away in boxes and bags and I just don't want to sort through them!

I've got to the stage where I might be better off chucking lots out without even looking. When I look at stuff I remember the cost, feel ashamed at the waste of money and then walk away leaving it to be sorted yet 'another day'. Ten minutes later and I'm looking online at buying more stuff.

Has anyone just simply had enough and just got rid of loads of stuff? I do give to charity every now and then as that makes me feel better but that means sorting through stuff and at the moment I think I would just like rid of loads of it.

I cannot go in a shop without buying yet more crap so I am quite good at avoiding shops until absolutely necessary but I do succumb to online shopping.

I am not in debt but absolutely hate the complete waste of money.

[Pinkcadillac]

Hi, can I join too? I struggle to find any motivation to do things, it bothers me massively and I get this strange rage - I have to punch something hard and release the tension (my cushions have never been so plump...)

At the same time, and although I feel that I need to do something physical, I have this awful fog in my head and feel lethargic so I end up sitting down and feeling sad. I manage to do basic housekeeping because I am a control freak and hate mess but this week for example I had to take 3 days holiday from work for no other reason that i couldn't face getting out of the house. It doesn't help that I sleep badly, often awake by 3.30, and the commute is just horrid when I've had a bad night.

I don't have a lot of support in my DH - he just disappears in the bedroom with his iPad when I am in one of "my moods". I don't need to bother hiding when I feel like crying because I know he will not acknowledge my crying in any way. He can see me struggling and will not say a word. It feels so lonely.

[Wineandchease]

It's hard my husband struggles at times to support me . I have cleaned the house a bit but now I'm close to tears that I have a late shift at work - I just can't do it all

[Pinkcadillac]

Wine you have cleaned the house and that's a great start. Try and do something you enjoy before going to work and tell yourself that you have achieved something today already. That's what I do.

I also cleaned the house this morning and without thinking much I have put on some sports clothes so that I can find it easier to go for a walk in the woods later. I am hoping that will do me good. I have been stuck indoors two days in a row just sitting on the sofa and it didn't do me any good.

[Wineandcheases]

Hi pink Thankyou for the message - feel bad am exhausted and kids missed there swim lesson as I'm so exhausted . Your right sitting in is no good think when I'm sorted will take them out for a walk - they are at a party latter as well - dreading it already I'm really struggling juggling all the balls at the mo