Anyone else really struggle with the day to day basics of life? The stuff that everyone else seems to manage? Come and join me for a Support Thread.

[fuzzpig]

Hello!

I struggle with everything. All the stuff that normal people are supposed to do like getting out of the house, keeping myself clean and tidy, picking up after myself etc.

I have long standing MH issues which make this all very difficult, coupled with never learning all this stuff from my parents. I have also finally been diagnosed with ASD (Asperger's). I struggle with routines and have really low self esteem so it feels pointless trying to look after myself.

I really, really want to change this though. I have to.

Please join me? Let's support each other.

Hi everyone can I join in? You are my people! I'm so sorry that some of you are in pain, mental or physical. I'm lucky enough to have decent physical health but my mind is another matter. Started antidepressants 15 yrs ago and am on an even keel, but it's evenly low IYSWIM. I struggle massively with the basics, and it makes me feel worthless. I wish I could give my head a wobble about it. I'm not too bad with personal hygiene now, but I find feeding us all very difficult, and housework /tidying impossible. I am at home all day now my youngest has started school, but I don't get anything done. I do the dishwasher and put a wash on, but the house is a tip, and today I found that my car is going mouldy from all the discarded food I haven't cleared out :( I feel like such a hopeless loser. Big hugs to all of us feeling like we're walking through treacle just to get through the day. I would love so much to be a doer but I'm just not. The effort it takes to tidy a tabletop feels monumental.

Can I join please? Everything I've read from you all, my brain is screaming 'same here!'

MH issues for about 20 years - anxiety, depression, social phobia. Now single parent of 2 young DC and a messy dog.

I'm trying to stop making mountains out of molehills with phone calls (despise them), DC party invites, dishwasher, homework/school letters, paperwork, laundry, rubbish in car etc but collectively, they are quite a mountain!

Some days I can barely find the energy or motivation to clean my teeth or find clean underwear. Most days I can face little more than sleep or wine (though I'm abstaining from the wine and finding this actually helps me s lot).

One thing I'm trying to do is remind myself that the dishwasher only takes about 7 mins to do, so that it doesn't blow up in my mind to an enormous, unachievable task. That is helping a bit so far. And if I only commit myself to that one task, it's an easy win as it makes a big difference to kitchen and mind with just a few mins effort.

Another thing is I put iplayer on my phone so I can watch something and be entertained while sorting washing or whatever - seems to make it less daunting/more like a treat if I get to catch up on a high-brow documentary eastenders while I'm doing it n

This week I'm struggling, so I've decided to just do one thing each time I move to a new room. Might just be removing a few bits of crap from the kitchen surfaces, but 1 min to make a small difference to the view in front of me definitely makes me feel a bit better about the place and about myself, and more motivated to then do another small task.

I wish I could be one of those people who sees that the dishwasher is clean and just gets on with emptying it without a thought - it would make life so much easier.

But one more thing I want to say is that if any of you are beating yourselves up by comparing your house or yourselves with those people who seem to just manage fine with everything, let's all try to take the extra pressure off ourselves and not worry about trying to be 'perfect'. It's ok that we sometimes need to curl up on the bed instead of mopping the floor

Thanks, OP, for this thread

Hello there,

Can I join you? I was thinking only today "is there anyone else who feels that doing the basics is really hard work?" and it seems, sadly, that there are many of us. It sucks, doesn't it?

I have a history of bad bipolar, quite a few lengthy admissions. For the last few years there has mercilessly been no mania, but severe depressions. "Evenly low" as madmomma said upthread, is how I feel. I feel so trapped by so many things, circumstances that I don't see changing, and I guess that's part of the reason I sit and think "why should I? What's the point?" with simple things like cleaning the bathroom. I won't even drive. I passed my test in the summer and have hardly driven since, the anxiety is just too much. I don't trust myself in a car, trust that I won't cause an accident.

I'm trying to keep the kitchen OK. We only moved here 6 weeks ago and both bedrooms are still in a state...my daughter's we'll sort at half term, we need to buy some shelving prior to sorting it. I don't know. It just seems that everything is like walking through treacle and even if I do minor things because the major things won't change in my eyes I see little point.

Best wishes to you all, thank you for the thread.

Hi everyone and welcome to lovely newbies :)

I'm glad to see you, but not happy you are struggling enough to be here, IYSWIM!

But solidarity helps.

I'm in a lot of pain these last few days so not up to a proper post, just saying hi and offering hugs (and ). Back tomorrow I hope :) xx

Yes, I find "life" really difficult. I'm doing my best and trying not to compare myself to others who aren't living their lives through treacle.

I've made it a non-negotiable task to myself that I blow-dry my hair and put on make-up and then it feels like I've done something.

I don't have a dishwasher so I have to grin and bear it - and I try and keep on top of the washing.

But my car... urgh.

Phone calls are almost impossible - and I rarely open mail.

Grace I love the idea of a non-negotiable task! I think mine is emptying my bin when it's full, even if last thing at night, so that I don't have to face it when there's no room for the DC's mess and leftovers in the morning before my coffee has hit me.

Anyone else have one? Maybe we could all share/borrow some to add to our days, build up to two a day

Love the idea of non negotiable tasks. Most of mine pertain to the kids. So brushing their teeth, reading to them, making sure they get their 5(ish) a day. Everything else ebbs and flows really (more ebb than flow!) I have started a list on my phone (notes section) of rules for myself. Sounds harsh but they're all about self care really. They are something to aim for, and things that I have learned from long, hard, bitter experience. One of them is don't drink alcohol, ever. This is because even one drink affects my mood for days afterwards. Another is don't watch any reality TV. That one is because I get addicted to it, and end up not exercising/preparing for the next day or staying up late to watch it. The latest rule I've made is that I'm to clear out the rubbish from my car bit by bit, rather than letting it get to disgusting mouldy levels as per today. Sadly, sometimes one only learns the importance of certain self care habits through a nasty experience. In my case it took severe gum disease to start me looking after my teeth properly. It's weird how we can know that stuff is important yet just block it out until something goes wrong isn't it? I shall be popping back tomorrow if anyone wants to check in, and I'm happy to pm anyone who would like a friendly, encouraging message. Love to all of us tryers!

Can I join too?

I'm just the same. I thought I was the only one who finds 'normal' things impossible.

Like getting coats/ empty bottles/ toys/ general crap out of the car. Or making phone calls.

I have a chronic physical illness and mental health problems.

It's interesting, if I give myself a non negotiable task, it starts to weigh on me... I'm better if I think I just can't do anything, then somehow I think oh I could just do that little thing...

So today I have put the washing to dry.

Why is life so hard?!

Can I join too? Reading this has made me feel better that it is not just me. The phrase living thro treacle really resonates. Dh gets so fed up that I can't even do the simplest thing but when I look at what I have done it is not too bad. Today for example I had a bath, did my teeth, saw my care coordinator for 2 hours and went shopping (on the bus as I cannot drive atm). So altho I feel exhausted and won't do much else at least I have achieved something. Like the idea of doing one thing in each room too ... Going to start a plan (tomorrow )

Hi everyone.

It's nice to 'see' you all here. Thank you all for joining in. It really does feel better to know I'm not alone - I think there's a lot of stigma attached to not being able to do these basic things.

I moisturised this morning - DS has had to change eczema cream so I'm using his old stuff, as my skin is terrible. I also bought a nice face scrub thingy, only used once so far but I think every day might be too much anyway. I have a lovely new lip balm that smells so nice it's easy to use it a few times a day (it's a Nivea raspberry one if anyone's interested).

OTOH I've lost count of how many days it is since I last detangled my hair. Last time I had a bath I didn't wash it either. I'm going to cut it so it's still just about long enough to keep in a ponytail. It hurts to lift my arms so brushing it is hard (but I hate the sensation of anyone else doing it so DH can't do it for me). This might sound really awful but I actually am hoping people comment on my shorter hair, because I want to be able to explain why I have to do it. The illnesses I have are ones that many people don't believe in (yuppie flu anyone? ) and I don't think people actually understand how much it affects people.

Anyway. Behind on the laundry... a huge amount of my freelance work to do because I've got very behind. Everything ground to a halt the last few days. DH is almost certainly going to be out of a job by Monday and he doesn't have another one yet... I've arranged to meet my boss next week to tell her that I'm not well enough to go back, this relapse is no longer a relapse, it's not getting better. So I've been really stressed and that makes me feel paralysed. I wish I could be one of those people who just threw themselves into cleaning when stressed! :o But I just feel like a rabbit in headlights. I've always been like that, the old 'fight or flight' thing doesn't work for me, I've always thought it to be 'fight or flight or freeze'.

Hi, another here whose currently 'wading through treacle' rather than living. Everything is a huge effort - same as others - washing my hair feels like a mountain expedition when it should be simple.

There's something that i need to go out and do which i've been putting off for days - it would literally be a half hour mission but i can't seem to even get myself to get dressed and washed and fit to go outside today.

Non negotiables are to do with ds - eg. i make sure he eats ok even though i have zero appetite or urge to eat myself at the minute.

I think this is the 'acute' bit so am going to try and be gentle on myself - as it was coming on i was beating myself up and racking my brains on how to fix things to the point of being on the edge of a panic attack near constantly. Now it's crashed into zombie treacle world.

Restarted ADs less than a week ago so so far they've just zonked me out. Have to hang in there and hope things will turn a corner soon. It's 'funny' how no matter how many times you've been here it still comes as such a shock to feel this crap.

Hi Honey welcome. I hope the meds settle in soon, it's hard isn't it.

It seems a common theme that many of us are perfectly good at looking after our loved ones... looking after ourselves is so much harder isn't it?

I took my vitamins (was prescribed a high dose vitamin D) today and yesterday. It's a start.

I really have to get on with some work now.

thanks.

i live alone (other than my son) and in a foreign country at the minute and don't have any close friends here. i will need to think about the BIG picture and some big things i have to sort out but right now i think i just better focus on getting through each day until the fog lifts a bit.

i've basically been in bed all day bar getting up to make ds food and myself cups of coffee. i may try and build up to doing my out of the house chore that needs doing but mad as it sounds i think i'll wait till it gets dark and i can feel less 'visible'.

I have been 'up' for about 3 hours today. Cannot believe I feel this lethargic. Spent a couple of hours at midday sorting out emails and stuff and then felt so tired I went back to sleep till now! So only 50% achieved my two tasks for today - the other will have to wait as cannot do it in the dark. Going to send dh out for chips for tea

50% better than nowt, Willow :)

Honey that must be hard being in another country as well. Are you planning to move back if you don't mind me asking?

I put a wash on earlier, I shall go and put another one on so it can be dried (the tumble drier takes 2 washloads at a time) and put the oven on in a bit as DH is cooking the pizza when he gets in.

i don't know fuzz. so hard to tell what's constructive or well thought out planning and what's flights of grass is greener at the minute. i'm a thinker naturally but it doesn't do me great favours when i feel like this really as it just becomes another... loop to go round in circles in? so thinking through the options and consequences (good and bad) over and over and over.

well done on the washing - more than i have achieved today which is basically just to feed ds and go out to the shops to pick up a few bits. reality of the latter was i was motivated by wanting wine really so not exactly a plus.

the making plans/thinking through options and outcomes thing when i get into it reminds of when a nervous animal licks at a wound and actually ends up making it worse by worrying it so much. does that make sense?

Yes that makes total sense! I do like analogies for those sorts of things. It is hard sometimes, being rational, as it's easy to overthink everything.

I am with you on the bad reasons for going shopping - I don't drink alcohol much, but for me it's chocolate/cake etc that can make me drag myself to the shops. We do most shopping online though now.

Right, I actually am going to get off my butt and put another wash on now. Honest.

Fuzzpig I sympathise completely. I had ME 20 yrs ago and it sounds similar to what you are enduring. I'm always worried it is coming back, especially when I'm feeling particularly low and exhausted for any length of time.

Stay strong people! We can do this together

Sorry you're in such difficult circs fuzz. I really hope your dh finds something. honey I love the analogy, and I love analogies generally. I find them so helpful. I should collect them in a book! willow at least you did some emails! That's good! Sleep is a weird one isn't it? I feel compelled to nap most days and sometimes I feel like it's done me good but other days I think it's just an annoying depressive habit. Today has been reasonably ok for me, but I am feeling very overwhelmed as usual by the bloody clutter! I wish I could organise stuff easily like some of the muggles can ;)

how is everyone doing? i've actually managed to drag my sorry self into the shower and wash my hair. thank god! i've got some windows open to air the place as it was like a sealed tomb of my depression.

side effects are so heavy going - i've realised i didn't eat yesterday and have no appetite at all so getting myself to eat something is another wall to push through at some point.

ds is on his xbox and happy running in and out telling me what he's doing in his game or that he's starving. i don't think he's suffering unless getting to have hours on the xbox for a change really counts as that bad.

so want to just lie back down - crazy how fatigued and dizzy i feel from doing anything at the minute. hopefully a side effect and will settle down soon.

That sounds really difficult honey. Well done on the hair wash though! I need to do mine and I just cannot be arsed at all. It basically needs doing everyday cos it's so greasy and sometimes I yearn for a weekly shampoo and set like a little old lady. I'm sitting having my brew and thinking about the mess that surrounds me, wondering if I can make any sort of dent in it today (or ever!)

how did it go madmomma?

i managed to get ds and i out on our bikes and collect the laundry (very cheap to have clothes washed and ironed here but even dropping them off and getting round to picking them up again seems to be a challenge for my uselessness ) and pick up bits needed for his pack lunch as school week starts on a sunday here.

apartment is a mess but essentials are in - re: clean clothes and pack lunch stuff and i remembered to pay the months school fees that were late.

i'd like to believe i could clean tomorrow and sort out some piles that have begun to escalate.

hope everyone is ok. sorry f i'm going on too much but it helps to report somehow.

Report away honey sounds like you did well today. My house is still a tip but I've had a nice day with the family at a friend's house, so pah. It'll getting done at some point.

Exhausted now after going shopping with dh. But have got provisions for next week when he is away so should be OK. Watching the rugby now .....
Yesterday a friend came round and we went for a walk to see some ponies then 'helped' dh build the new bike shed (held panels whilst he screwed it all together).
Small steps day by day ...