Think I'm going into hospital tomorrow - please help me through tonight.

[MummySparkle]

Just that really.

I've been up and down and fighting fire for a long time. My 'coping' behaviours have now become very dangerous

I saw a psych doctor who offered me an admission if I felt I could no longer keep myself safe.

My head is full of destructive thoughts. DP has locked the back door so I can't get out. He doesn't know I have a key to the front door hidden. I don't want to die, but I can't help with these thoughts in my head much longer.

Crisis team are coming in the morning. All I have to do is hold on until then. 12hrs, I have no idea how I can do that.

Please keep me company

Yes, today is day 14

I have had a total of 3 hours sleep as the DCs were up all night. I genuinely have no idea how I am going to get through today. Downstairs giving the DCs breakfast at the moment and I can barely keep my eyes open. DP hasn't had much sleep either. My whole body is screaming to go back to bed.

I need to get a GP appointment to get my medication back on repeat, but there's no way I could cope with the waiting room today.
Thanks for the candy crush tip

Glad to see that you had a good weekend , but sorry you are so tired, can you have a little nap today to catch up at all ? You are doing really well and should feel very proud of yourself.

Just checking in to see how you are doing Sparkle. Hope things show a bit of improvement for you.

Hi Lin

Things are slowly improving. The DCs haven't been waking up quite so early and DP got up with them this morning so I slept until 7:30 can't believe that feels like a lie in these days

The crisis team discharged me back to the CMHT today, so that's positive. Saw a nice duty lady from the CMHT who is going to make sure that my care coordinator gives me a call on Monday to arrange an appointment and to figure out where we go from here regarding therapy etc.

The social worker is coming over tomorrow to observe me with the DCs, can't say I'm looking forward to that. She was originally coming at 1, but I thought it got changed to 10, DP thinks she's coming at 2... Might have to call them at 9 to double check the time. Hoping it is 10 and the DCs get a decent amount of sleep as they are usually happy / funny / playful in the mornings so I can just sit and play with them. Fingers crossed!

Thanks for checking in on me x

You are doing really well Sparkle. Very pleased for you.hope all goes well tomorrow and that the dc have a good nights sleep tonight so they are happy and cheerful for you !

Just read this thread.sparkle you are doing amazing

Hope the day with the social worker went well, MS.

How are you doing sparkle ? Hope your getting on ok

Yes social worker came and said everything was fine. She has written the report and it should come in the post either tomorrow or Monday.

Just the occy health appointment to get through on thirsday and then everything will be back to normal.

The DCs have been ill for the last few days, snotty and miserable. I can feel myself coming down with it now too - my throat is red raw.

It has been so good to be back at work this week. I've been far more productive than I used to be and I've had a really enjoyable week. Even joined in with the students who were learning to use oil paints today, which was great fun as I've never used oils before. I'm most definitely converted! I love love them! We were experimenting with flesh tones based on Jenny Saville's artwork. I stayed after work for a bit just to get mine finished!

It's just me and DD tomorrow, so we are going to go into town on the search for some winter shoes. After that I'll collect DS from MILs and we're going to go and watch some fireworks. Not sure how the DCs will cope with them, but we'll see. DS doesn't usually like loud noises, but we've shown him lots of videos and he seems excited about 'birework go bammmm'

I'm still having moments where I feel crap, but they are much more manageable than they were before.

Forgot to add this

So glad to see that you are so much better, may it continue. Hopefully the fireworks won't be too loud for your children, and as you have already said about the bangs they should be ok.
Well done on the painting, I would be hopeless at anything like that.
Anyway if this thread now redundant will see you on owl thread !

Hi sparkle just thought I would pop in and see how you are getting on. Hope all is well and life is now good again for you and your family.

Hi mummy. Just popping in to say hi, thinking about you. Hope you're on track and feeling well.

Had a few wobbly days, but things are still going well. Occy health meeting was really positive. The doctor was lovely and I have no restrictions on my work.

I have my autism assessment tomorrow. Very nervous about that. I've waited so long for it I've always assumed they would just say that yes I am on the autistic spectrum. But now it's so close it all feels real. If they say no I really have no idea where to go from there. And how to make sense of everything if I don't get a diagnosis

Hope you get the answers you need tomorrow Sparkle

( puzzled as to who smellsofsick is/was)

Hi mummylin, don't think we've met. Just popped on to offer support and well wishes.

We'll thankyou for your support, but you have it the wrong way round. I am supporting Sparkle ! I am one of the lucky ones and don't have any MH problems. But it was a lovely thought !