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Original poster

Think I'm going into hospital tomorrow - please help me through tonight.

142 replies

MummySparkle · 05/10/2015 23:42

Just that really.

I've been up and down and fighting fire for a long time. My 'coping' behaviours have now become very dangerous

I saw a psych doctor who offered me an admission if I felt I could no longer keep myself safe.

My head is full of destructive thoughts. DP has locked the back door so I can't get out. He doesn't know I have a key to the front door hidden. I don't want to die, but I can't help with these thoughts in my head much longer.

Crisis team are coming in the morning. All I have to do is hold on until then. 12hrs, I have no idea how I can do that.

Please keep me company

OP posts:
BiggaBanga · 06/10/2015 01:55

I can't imagine what you're going through, but do just breathe gently, but deeper than usual and not too quickly! There's plenty of air about. If you drop off asleep, that's a bonus. And you'll soon be safe and professionally cared for.

Original poster
MummySparkle · 06/10/2015 08:03

Thankfully that imagery didn't last long, and I fell to sleep shortly after.

Kids are up and about now so it's breakfast time. We promised DS that we would tak him to soft play. I don't know if I can make it that far

OP posts:
Original poster
MummySparkle · 06/10/2015 10:21

About to endure the hell that is soft play. Hoping it won't be too busy on a weekday morning. DS has been shouting the name of the soft play all morning because DP told him about it last night.

Horrible urges are back. Crisis team are coming this afternoon whist DS is at nursery

I'm scared that they are going to back-track on the dr saying I could be admitted. Not admit me, and then I end up on a section in a few days time. It took all of the rest of my willpower to get through last night. And I still have neither 4hrs to survive

OP posts:
hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 06/10/2015 10:43

You can get through the next few hours, hopefully soft play is as calm as it can be on a weekday.

Original poster
MummySparkle · 06/10/2015 11:36

It's not as bad as it is on a weekend, that's for sure! But it's still pretty busy. It's near where DP works, so we all came. DP has gone to work now. We are having lunch here then I have to drop DS to nursery. Crisis team will be coming hopefully whilst he's at nursery.

DP keeps saying it will be inconvenient if I go in tonight, can I wait til Thursday. I can't explain to him how hard it is for me to even hold on to the afternoon. All I want to do is leave my kids happily eating lunch to harm. I know I mustn't, but the urge is so strong.

OP posts:
MountainDweller · 06/10/2015 12:46

Glad you managed to take the kids out. Not long to go now... Just take it a few minutes at a time if you can. I hope the MH people take care of you. Your DH will manage if you are hospitalised.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 06/10/2015 14:26

DP will cope. I hope the crisis team are with you now and making plans for your admission.

Original poster
MummySparkle · 06/10/2015 15:46

I'm not coping. Took my entire daily allowance of the lorazepamibknoebits safe as I've had higher doses as an injection beforefrelong very groggy, but at least it has dumbed the negative thoughts that I'm having even if my body isn't properly functioning now.

Chrisis team are looking for a bed for me now. DP had taken charge of the meds and the sharps at in the bin. He's confiscated my dressings too so I can't cut without having him knowing.
Just waiting for a phone call from them now to see if there is anywhere local.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummySparkle · 06/10/2015 15:59

*lorazepam I know it's safe

  • before I'm feeling groggy
OP posts:
MountainDweller · 06/10/2015 17:42

How are you feeling now? Fingers crossed for you that they find you a place

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 06/10/2015 18:25

I really hope they have.

beavington · 06/10/2015 20:13

Hope you are being looked after now mummysparkle xx

Allalonenow · 06/10/2015 21:09

Just to wish you all the best Sparkle KOKO Thanks Thanks

Original poster
MummySparkle · 07/10/2015 02:09

Thank you everybody - it is so very much appreciated.

I have been admitted - finally!! Got the call at 8:30 that there was a bed available (local one too - yay) but that I had to go there that evening otherwise it would be no longer available in the morning. MIL Can't to hours to look after the sleeping DCs and DP drive me here.

We had to wait 3 hours to see a doctor and the it took another 20mins to be given the prescription I needed and be allowed to take my pjs out of my bag. Finials found a smidgen of 3G in my bedroom window.
I evern shaded my Spare tool to ago and did t try and smuggle it in

Meds are kicking ifnz, so I'll say goodnihht and WineCakeFlowers for everybody x

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Original poster
MummySparkle · 07/10/2015 10:12

Well that was clearly the lorazepam talking - I have no idea what I was trying to say. I don't know where to go, what to be. They still have my stuff, just waiting for them to sort that. I woke up wearing my hoodie back to front Confused

All of my stuff to do is in my bag, and a change of clothes. Next step, find stuff

OP posts:
Sitoff · 07/10/2015 12:13

So glad you have managed to get admitted. I hope you found/find your 'stuff'. Flowers to you DP and DC.

TheSilveryPussycat · 07/10/2015 14:36

Here's to a short and effective stay. (Remember to tell them about missing your quetiapine - could well be relevant.)

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 07/10/2015 15:40

Oh bless you. I am glad you have a bed, I hope they can offer you some help now. Thinking of you Sparkle and wishing you as short a stay as possible and every happiness in the future.

beavington · 07/10/2015 20:18

So pleased you were admitted sparkle and hope today has gone well and you're in good care x

Original poster
MummySparkle · 07/10/2015 22:43

Today was, well - just another day on the ward. I won't say much because it's been eventful involving other patients, but there have been lots of nurse call alarms, paramedics and lots of police.

And they were testing the fire doors because they weren't working properly, which involved lots of loud noises. I don't like loud noises.

They have let me out for a cigarette by myself. I don't think they were supposed to.

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Original poster
MummySparkle · 07/10/2015 22:44

Made the decision to go back inside, really wanted to run though

OP posts:
hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 07/10/2015 22:58

Back inside you go. Running, as tempting as it is, won't help. I hope tomorrow is a more peaceful day for you.

Sitoff · 08/10/2015 15:04

Good to see you posting. Really hoping that you had a better night and day.

Original poster
MummySparkle · 08/10/2015 22:08

Is anybody about to keep me company tonight?

I'm waiting to be seen in a&e. Because I'm not on a section the ward can't send anybody with me. There are a lot of people here, I think it's going to be a really long wait.

OP posts:
fiorentina · 08/10/2015 22:17

I am hoping to sleep shortly but hope you get the help you hope for and are seen quickly.