Late abortion for mental health reasons - any experience?

[Sleeplessinnorthlondon]

This is a very sensitive and maybe ill advised post. I have a termination booked for Monday. I have battled pregnancy anxiety all through this and can't keep it going any more. I will be 18+1 so last week they can do the 1 day surgical abortion. On the one hand, as I am not in sound mind I can see there are arguments against doing this, on the other, have tried so, so hard with counselling, CBT, therapy, psych, midwife, friends, family to accept help and get my head straight and nothing worked for long at all and feels now like am at the last chance. Yes, things might improve, equally, they might not and bringing a child into the world to be raised by me in this mind set feels like the worst thing I could do, worse than termination. I have been advised that termination could leave me feeling worse but I struggle to see how it could do at present and it's a risk I increasingly feel I want to take.

You commented on whether she should have children in the future and that post, quite rightly, has been removed.

Yes I agree she seems extremely distressed and unwell, not in a position to make a life long decision. She needs help certainly as most posters have suggested. This may be therapy, it may be medication, it may be intensive home treatment from the crisis team or indeed it may be an admission. I'm just not sure saying, you need sectioning is at all helpful. It's extremely frightening and may well not be necessary. Yes the op wants advice but would you dish out physical medical advice that you aren't qualified to?

Well that's your opinion and I whole heartedly disagree. She has posted numerous times about dying and also has booked an appointment to terminate the life of a wanted child for no reason.
I would say that's good grounds. By virtue of this board I have never stated I am medical professional. She was after advice over several threads. If a lady posted repeatedly about harming thoughts to her children and herself it's ok? Bit of therapy? That baby is not cells in a Petri dish it's a formed child.

She needs proper in patient help not back patting and the 'ah sweetie' brigade. Jesus.

wannabe I hear where you are coming from, but what you said about future children in your first post was awful. And absolutely NOT what any inpatient MH team who could help her would think.

I agree with you that she sounds like she very much needs help. She also needs support. And compassion. Because we all do.

Have you spoken to anyone today about how you are feeling again ?

Sleepless, when I saw the title I hoped this wasn't you. I followed and posted on your previous thread.

I wonder if - after the level of support and advice you received before, and how you now feel - hearing advice from all the women on mumsnet who are trying to help you, is not really helping you to reach your own decision.

Like almost everyone else, I feel you will be a capable mother and that things will improve. But you need to make a decision that's right for you - and I think talking as much as possible to the professionals you are working with (this takes time) is the best way to do this.

So I'm reluctantly signing out. I care very much what happens to you. But I'm not a professional and I think you need that help now most of all.

In addition - I think given the OPs state of mind the tone of some of these posts is not just inappropriate - it's horrific.

I have compassion. Do you think what going down this road will do to her long term? Don't bleat to me about lack of understanding just because you think it doesn't fit your view of what's right!

You are completely misguided if you think the only proper treatment for mental health problems is inpatient care. Completely misguided. And pedalling this kind of rubbish does nothing for those of us who suffer.

What do you think happens on an inpatient ward that is the magic answer? I really am astounded at this view.

Therapy is bloody hard work, often very distressing and nothing to do with a pat on the back!!

I knew this would be you sleepless.

What worries me about the termination is this:

If you have no termination, and a healthy child, this could be a real light at the end of the tunnel for you. If this anxiety is all wrapped up in the pregnancy it could simply disappear once the baby is born

Or

If you have a termination you will never get over your feelings of guilt and anxiety, will spiral deeper into depression, and this will simply be the start of a very long and very hard road back to something resembling mental normality.

I really, really don't think you should have this termination, it won't be the end, it'll be the beginning of something even worse.

I don't at all. I do when you are at such a low ebb that you are hell bent on destroying a life- a life you desperately wanted. That's what I am talking about. I know how things work and what's available.

Sleepless, I've cut and pasted this from a pre and post natal depression charity. Does this sound a bit like what you are feeling-

Chronic anxiety and prenatal/antenatal depression

The majority of cases of prenatal (antenatal) depression include a degree of anxiety. These anxieties can be very different, leaving the sufferer frantic with worry and overcome with fear. Here are some common statements made by expectant mothers who are suffering with anxiety.

‘I’ll never make a good mum’

‘My partner is going to leave me’

‘I’m terrified of the birth’

‘There is something wrong with my baby’

‘How will I cope with twins’

‘I feel like I am going mad’

The lack of publicity and support for prenatal (antenatal) depression makes it a terrifying experience, unaware that at least 10 per cent of women are going through exactly the same thing.

This is something that a lot of women experience and survive.
You can.

The charity that I got this from also have a help line-
www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-help/pandas-help-line.html#.VXiFcpVRHIU

0843 28 98 401.

It shuts at 8pm, but is open tomorrow at 9am. Consider getting them to help or at least listen.

Unmumsnetty hugs to you.

Are you still there OP?

sleepless please, please don't do this if you ever want to be a mother. No pregnancy is perfect, no baby is perfect and no mother is perfect. But this baby will be perfect to you and you will be a perfect mother in the eyes of your baby. You are nearly half way there, I know it feels impossible but you can do it, you are doing it. I hope you have stepped away from the board to get some RL help. Take care.

sleepless I've not been able to stop thinking about you today. I know we are all just strangers on the internet but so many of us here are thinking of and supporting you.

OP, as you haven't been back, I'm hoping very very hard that you have been voluntarily admitted to a Mental Health unit today where you will get the help and support you need.

Op - nothing else to be said really. I am not religious but I am going to prey for you.

Oh Sleepless, I'm so so sorry you feel like this.
Please speak to someone to try and get the help you need.

Also saying prayers for you OP. I do so hope you are OK.

Post whenever it's convenient, and you will have support. And you'll have support if you don't post too. Thinking of you.

I have been following this and your other thread. I am so sorry for the horrible distress you are feeling.

I dont often talk about this but I had a termination at 19 weeks because our baby had (very obvious, diagnosed on scan) profound disabilities which would lead to a very short and painfilled life.

It was physically and mentally the most devastating experience of my entire life. I did have to go through an induced labour which lasted two days and left me physically reeling. I am sure a surgical termination at a similar stage would also be a huge physical insult, and am not sure any Dr would actually do one.

The combination of grief, shock and the hormone crash then sent me comprehensively off the rails. I was severely depressed, unable to eat, sleep, or function in any way. I avoided hospital admission by a whisker. Four or five months to achieve any sort of normal functioning. I will carry the sadness, grief and guilt for the rest of my life. Guilt even though I was and am sure I made the right decision - because it is almost impossible to escape the 'what ifs?'

I am absolutely pro choice but there is no way this is the right choice for you. Ask for really heavy duty mental health support, up to and including inpatient admission if that's what it takes.

Dear all, I am not going to terminate, had appt booked and will cancel it. Doctor was firm and strict with me, no point in going over details just said absolutely no harm medically and I sue wholly mental and referred me immediately to pregnancy anxiety specialist. Current therapist also setting me up with Cbt specilaist. So will see 3x therapists a week but at present think I need that. Tonight, really believe baby ,lst like.y to be ok and if not not def alcohol and if alcohol then not harmed in any significant way. You're right, will always be something to fear, can't guve into this. Going to fight it. Thank you all so so so much

Oh love. I've just welled up. I am thrilled that your doctor has made the referrals you need and you have determined to see this through.

)))))(((((((

I am so very glad to hear that you feel better today and especially that you are going to get the right help now.
You will fight it and you will look back on this with your baby in your arms and it will all seem a distant, horrible nightmare.