Late abortion for mental health reasons - any experience?

[Sleeplessinnorthlondon]

This is a very sensitive and maybe ill advised post. I have a termination booked for Monday. I have battled pregnancy anxiety all through this and can't keep it going any more. I will be 18+1 so last week they can do the 1 day surgical abortion. On the one hand, as I am not in sound mind I can see there are arguments against doing this, on the other, have tried so, so hard with counselling, CBT, therapy, psych, midwife, friends, family to accept help and get my head straight and nothing worked for long at all and feels now like am at the last chance. Yes, things might improve, equally, they might not and bringing a child into the world to be raised by me in this mind set feels like the worst thing I could do, worse than termination. I have been advised that termination could leave me feeling worse but I struggle to see how it could do at present and it's a risk I increasingly feel I want to take.

An abortion will end your pregnancy but will not cure your mental health issues, in fact they may well become worse.

I fully appreciate that it's your body but have you considered your husband, the baby's father? He might actually want to look after the baby until you are well enough to co-parent again.

I promise you from the bottom of my heart, going ahead with a termination is something you would regret for the rest of your life.

If you're anxious now, how on earth do you think you'll feel in subsequent pregnancies - and that's if you're lucky enough to have another pregnancy. What makes you think it would be any different?

Please, I've worked in reproductive medicine for years. Having children is not a given. Please don't give up this chance - you may not have another.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and believe me I can understand where you're coming from (I have severe depression and anxiety). But please don't make this mistake - having a termination will be far, far worse than continuing the pregnancy. Especially as this baby is so obviously wanted.

A short post as I'm definitely not an expert and not struggling as much as you, but the following song lyric has helped me a huge amount

No matter how cold the winter, there's a springtime ahead

Please don't do it x

Please do not do this. I Albert pro choice but this is not the answer?
What does your OH day? You say you were going to go for IVF, this must be tearing him apart as well. What will this do to your relationship? Will he be able to continue? Will you be eligible for IVF now after you do this? Please look past the next few weeks into the future. Your baby is fine.
I mean this with kindness but your problems are not going to go away with another pregnancy. You might eat a slightly runny egg and go through this all agin!
You need serious, intensive mental health care now!

*i am pro choice

If you get what you want after your termination - your mental health back to its normal state, then your heart will break in two when you realise what you have done. And I strongly doubt your marriage will survive the feelings of horror and heartbreak you both will be feeling. Please get help. Scream for help until someone on your medical team listens.

Hello Sleepless

I posted on your other thread when it seemed that the problem was (unfounded) worries about alcohol - before it turned out that the problem is about mental health. OCD is threatening your pregnancy.

Although I know nothing about OCD, I can recognise that it is the culprit. You say you fear bringing a child into the world to be raised by me in this mind set - but - you won't be! Once your OCD is dealt with, you will be you in a different mindset, raising a child like anyone else.

Please, please, focus only on dealing with the OCD (as so many knowledgeable posters have said) and quickly, before it overcomes your pregnancy. Cancel Monday's Marie Stopes appointment - it will only bring a load of other issues.

I feel for you, I really do. I can see you're desperate. But please focus on the thing that matters. I wish you well.

as I am not in sound mind I can see there are arguments against doing this

This rings out loud and clear. Your are not in sound mind at the moment, sweetheart. You're really not. And this is a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life.

I am pro-termination for any reason, at any stage of pregnancy. But your posts make me want to just hug you and tell you it will be alright. Termination is not the right decision at the moment. You are very unwell, but the answer to your illness isn't terminating your pregnancy. It's might seem like it is going to make things better, but it's not a cure. It's a reaction, not a cure.

You've done so well over the past few weeks. Focus on that. You are very unwell at the moment, not your baby

I just had to pick this out from a cross post

If you get what you want after your termination - your mental health back to its normal state, then your heart will break in two when you realise what you have done.

This is, sadly, so very true.

Please don't do it- you are posting here because in your heart you are not sure it's the right thing to do. Like so many people think on here, I think the issue is the anxiety and not the pregnancy. Please get proper expert help from a specialist psychologist/psychiatrist. You are buying into your thoughts which are being governed by your anxiety. Listen to what you know is valued in your life the most. Is having a family valued and important to you (with you going down the IVF route I guess that's a yes), are your partners desires/ feelings important to you (you said in a previous thread he really wanted the baby). Anxiety can be an absolute bitch and the thoughts, physical feelings and emotions that comes with it. You are half way through your pregnancy and would most likely really regret an abortion and possibly the trauma of it is going to affect you anyway (the anxiety won't just magically go away)....I imagine it's the anxiety you want to be rid of and not the pregnancy (the scary and repetitive thoughts, the fast beating heart, the knot in your stomach). Termination isn't the solution for this - good therapy from a specialist is...and believe me it's a work in progress (I know first hand how bad anxiety can be) but was lucky enough to find a fantastic psychologist specialising in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and post natal anxiety.

My heart goes out to you - please please get GOOD help before you commit to something like this xxxxxx

I was on your previous thread and I thought you were pressing ahead with mental health services and were feeling more positive?

If you do go ahead with the termination please make yourself aware of the process involved. My understanding of a late stage abortion is you have to give birth to the child, it's not a case of going to sleep and having it removed. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. I can't imagine anything more traumatic actually, particularly if the child was perfectly healthy.

You are ill and you are not in a fit state to make a decision about ending the life of a much-wanted baby. I'm not judging - I have mental health issues myself and am also 17 weeks pregnant, so I know how bad the AN anxiety can get. But these threads are agonizing to read.

You are not making a rational decision. You have almost certainly not damaged your baby by drinking alcohol in early pregnancy. You will certainly damage your baby by aborting it. Sorry, but that is the choice you have. If I was your baby, I'd rather live and take my chances, than die.

If you don't feel you can parent the baby, you could consider adoption, or even just letting your DP do the bulk of the care while you get yourself well again. There are many many people who would be there to look after your baby if you didn't feel able to bring them up, and would love and care for them. But abortion - especially an abortion at 20 weeks is probably going to involve labouring and delivering the fetus - is a very final solution to a very temporary problem and one that I can't help thinking you will really, really regret once your mind is in a better place.

Do you definitely want to be pregnant? It's ok if you don't, but as a fellow pregnant lady under a MH team, my instinct in response to my fears is to protect my baby MORE - not abort it. I can't help wondering if on some level you are ambivalent about becoming a parent - which is fine, I think we all are a bit! You seem to be fixating on this one issue and I wonder if there's an element of displacement going on - I mean this in the gentlest possible way and as someone who has been in your shoes. But it might be something worth exploring with your MH team.

(am pro choice, but only when the person making the choice is in a fit state to do so, which OP doesn't seem to be)

I wasn't going to post but Wannabe s lovely contribution made me feel like I had to.

OP you won't feel that way forever. I nearly had an early abortion because I suddenly thought my mental health made me unfit to be a parent but I decided to just go ahead and now I have a beautiful 4 year old DS. I'm a single parent and I have (voluntarily) been in hospital twice over the last four years when my anxiety issues got on top of me (only for a week or so each time) but think of like any other health issues. Plenty of people are affacted by health issues but go ahead to have children and be responsible about them, physical or not. Unless you're actually psychotic you will be able to shield them from the worst of whatever happens/IF anything happens. My DS is such a happy child and the one thing that keeps me going so don't do anything rash when you can't say for sure how it'll work out. Only you know you but I wanted to add a voice from the other side in case it helps, either way, good luck

As pp are mentioning it is my understanding that they would have to induce birth at this stage.

I had a MMC at 17 weeks and this is what I had to do. Although Op you speak of surgical termination In your Op which perhaps could be performed ....I'm not from a medical background so am not sure. Obviously you understand the risks along with this kind of surgery.... if someone will perform one.

You need to be fully aware of what will take place ....and I'm very uncertain as to whether you are.

I hope you are with people in RL who can support you.

I hope the OP is sectioned, only because I would want someone to stop me doing what she plans to do if my health was as bad as hers appears to be from her posts

I have seen your other threads and my heart goes out to you.
I reiterate what others have said, that your baby should be unaffected by the drinking.

However, I do understand how this is affecting your mental health. I suffered severe pre-natal depression and anxiety and I considered terminating my pregnancy. In the early stages of pregnancy I would never have even thought about this, my baby was much wanted. I wasn't myself.

My doctor was amazing and kept saying, 'this is not you, this is your hormones, you'll get through this.'

I was prescribed antidepressants and had counselling. I was able to take my pregnancy to term. although I remained on antidepressants for a few months all my anxiety and depressive thoughts disappeared as my pregnancy hormones depleted.

I admit during my pregnancy there were some very dark days. Even now I do have feeling of guilt and I overcompensate with my son all the time. But for me, continuing with the pregnancy was the right decision.

I hope you make the right decision for you.

That reads a bit funny but you get the jist!

Anyone who didn't know me would never guess I've struggled with MH as much as I have and my point is that it can get better/doesn't mean you'll be an awful parent. And don't trust how you're feeling now if you're not well. It scares me when I come out of a rough patch how bleak things looked to me during it and how you talk about your situation really makes it sound like you're in that same place where life changing decisions are not something you should be undertaking

Oh, don't do it. The long term impact on your mental health will be terrible. Go and beg for additional mental health support.

I can only support what others have said. This makes me so desperately sad, for you and for the baby.

Having the abortion will not solve the problem, as someone else pointed out, if you were to get pregnant again, you will find something else to fixate on, a "punishment" perhaps. You need help, you need to not do this because it will not make it better.

I had an abortion and it was horrendous, when I went on to have ds1 I spent the whole time worrying, worrying i would be punished. I wasn't.

You need help and you need someone to stop you from doing this.

Please come back to the thread and talk to us. Listen to what we're saying. You never mention your DH, what does he think?

Sleepless

If you haven't secured really urgent medical help (for your very severe anxiety/OCD with strong obsessive thoughts about terminating) then maybe, now, you should seek to be admitted as an in-patient.

Does your DP know you have an appointment for the termination?

Please tell him, and consider being admitted to hospital. You really are at risk of doing something which will seriously harm you and your marriage. It isn't what you want.

I am so so sorry you are in this bad way.

Sweetheart, please, please don't go through with it. You won't have harmed your baby. Please believe me.

You've probably got a little bump by now? Fairly soon you'll feel little kicks, then you'll see them. Then you'll get huge and you'll be kicked more and every single time, you will smile.

In 22 weeks time, you will be holding your gorgeous little baby and you'll forget ever feeling like this.

If you terminate now, you will never forget it and the likelihood is you will regret it so much.

My ignorance is not astounding actually I have a strong background in mental health issues and sometimes people need protecting from themselves!
She does need sectioning and this is, as far as everyone knows, a healthy and long fored child. Anyone had an abortion that late? It's a delivery- by birth- of a child after taking tablets which stop a heart beat.
Do you know my reasoning behind doing this? Because if she wasn't bothered we wouldn't be having the numerous hand wringing threads.
So I won't apologise. I do have empathy but people should be stepping in to save her from herself. She will never get over this.

I actually agree with wannabe's last post in essence if not in phrasing - sectioning is not a punishment and some people DO need protecting from themselves (me included, sometimes)