Late abortion for mental health reasons - any experience?

[Sleeplessinnorthlondon]

This is a very sensitive and maybe ill advised post. I have a termination booked for Monday. I have battled pregnancy anxiety all through this and can't keep it going any more. I will be 18+1 so last week they can do the 1 day surgical abortion. On the one hand, as I am not in sound mind I can see there are arguments against doing this, on the other, have tried so, so hard with counselling, CBT, therapy, psych, midwife, friends, family to accept help and get my head straight and nothing worked for long at all and feels now like am at the last chance. Yes, things might improve, equally, they might not and bringing a child into the world to be raised by me in this mind set feels like the worst thing I could do, worse than termination. I have been advised that termination could leave me feeling worse but I struggle to see how it could do at present and it's a risk I increasingly feel I want to take.

I fear you are going to make a mistake, and you cannot make a rational decision right now, you are ill.
The first thing any psychiatrist tells you in a crisis is: don't make any lifechanging decisions!

I also had mental health problems after my dc3 was born and when I think back to the things I thought back then, I don't recognise me. It wasn't me. What mental illness can do to you is terrible.

I feel you need lots more help, immediately.

Why did you post here? I'm sure deep down you knew we would try and stop you.

I saw your other thread. I'm entirely pro choice. Have had an abortion. But don't do it. Seriously don't.

You are going to torpedo your mental health in the long term and probably your marriage because as supportive as he is, when the hormone induced anxiety dissapates you are going to feel fucking awful you took the chance of a child away from your rational DH.

I don't want to sound harsh. I can't imagine the reality in your head right now. But please please just plow through it and try to stop thinking. Take it 1 moment at a time. 1 practical action at a time. Put the thoughts away in a drawer to be dealt with post birth.

It's fairly certain there will be nothing wrong with the baby from the alcohol.

Agree that it could be seen as being a danger to yourself in a case like this because it's a traumatic thing to go through and cannot be undone and it was a wanted child etc.

As someone who has had 3 miscarriages in the last 12 months I have to admit I find these threads extremely distressing, so I'm trying not to over react on them.

I am 4 weeks pregnant currently with my fifth pregnancy and of course I suspect I will miscarry this one too - not a great track record so far. If only the OP knew just how difficult it can be to get pregnant and stay pregnant. If only she could recognise what an amazing gift she has been given, she wouldn't dream of throwing it all away.

There is nothing I can say, it's like watching an accident happen in slow motion, you just keep staring and terrible things happen in front of your eyes. I hope that if the OP goes ahead she finds some peace and she accesses some counselling to come to terms with everything.

Oh I remember your other thread too. I'm so sad things haven't got better for you.

Just repeating what others have said, please accept prescription for ADs and I would advise you do not terminate this baby, your anxiety could lift in your last trimester and not even return. I really hope you get the support you need.

If only she could recognise what an amazing gift she has been given, she wouldn't dream of throwing it all away.

If only you could be arsed to read the thread, and her other one, and take note of the fact that the OP has mental health issues, you might be more helpful. Until then, I suggest you back away.

My son was sectioned. At the time he thought stabbing me in the throat was a rational decision. In hindsight he is glad I had him admitted.
This is not me trying to be nasty. I am really really not. I just am trying to jolt. Even if it's clumsy. I am not going to send you kisses and tell you everything will be ok.
Talk to the psychiatrist but please please don't go through with a termination. Get help and ask your partner to help.

[Soup dragon] who the hell do you think you are? I've read all of OPs threads and I have the right to express my opinion as do you.

Perhaps you might try backing off.

Sorry sebsmummy but I think saying the bit about the amazing gift is somewhat insensitive, have you read the OP's posts? You do realise that she's really quite unwell?

It's not a simple case of appreciating the gift. She's tried and tried. She desperately needs some kind of help.

I get that you are grieving over your own losses, and are going through a hard, hard time. But your comment was not great. And she obviously knows about how hard it is to get pregnant- she was about to start IVF...

sebsmummy the Op was going for IVF so she knows how hard it is to get pregnant for some people herself included.

sleepless as others have said, a termination at this stage is basically early labour, as far as I am aware there is no going to sleep and waking up with baby gone. So think long and hard about how you will cope with that alone.

Being brutal do you really think your DH will be able to get over this? It's his baby as well and when the dust settles neither of you will be the people you were before, the horror of it will eat you both and when you can't look each other in the eye or even look at yourself in the mirror, then what? This could end your marriage as well, you don't know what will happen. That's life there is no guarantee a termination will make it all better.

You have had 5 fully trained and qualified Obgyn doctors tell you that the chances are so slim that they barely exist, numerous people on here have given their own experiences but you are potentially losing everything based on a professor you have never met, who has never met you or assessed you and does his experimention on monkeys we may have evolved from them but we are light years away from their physiology now. You are not having a monkey nor are you a blooming monkey.

You are so close to getting everything you've ever dreamed off why throw it away before it's even had a chance? You can get back to that good place, but terminating will, I fear, only send you down a much darker and lonelier path, where return to who you are now is impossible.

I'm no expert, and I have no experience with late term abortion/loss but I do have experience of what you're going through. I have suffered from OCD for many many years, officially diagnosed at 14, have had many treatments including intense counselling, CBT etc. I found out I was pregnant, when I was 9 weeks pregnant. Just a few weeks after the biggest drinking, smoking weed and cigarettes bender you could possibly imagine. I was absolutely devastated to not only find out I was pregnant, but also that I had done that to my baby. I was also seriously considering terminating the pregnancy because I was terrified that id have to face a baby I had hurt by my stupid actions, even though I, like you didn't know I was pregnant. During this time, my OCD went crazy. I had a lot more intrusive thoughts, that if I didn't terminate the pregnancy, my child would be my karma, that it would be horribly disfigured etc that my DP would take one look at our baby if I continued and leave because surely I had damaged it beyond repair. I felt like my head wouldn't work anymore because the guilt was physically dragging me down. I left my job, because I couldn't function as a human while I had all this guilt..

One of the ways I have dealt with my OCD when its been 'peaking' is to set myself step by step goals. I tried to apply this in the situation and thought the only solution was to have a termination, I.e get rid of what I thought was the cause of my guilt, and then deal with the guilt and then it would be ok and I would just move on.
I tried to think 'practically'. And you know what? My DP begged me, even went so far as to say that all I had to do was have the baby and he would take it and I could walk away if I still felt the same. I agreed, because I didn't have the strength not too.

And you know what? Towards the very end, I think I was about 30 weeks gone, I suddenly realised that I hadn't thought about anything negative in regards to the pregnancy for a long time, and actually allowed myself to get excited.
That baby is now my beautiful, perfect, little girl. The girl who makes everyday something to look forward to. She's my little sidekick, and her Daddy is my best friend and still my Partner.
I understand how terrified you are, I truly do. But you need to understand that you are a human, and a mother. We make mistakes, you have done NOTHING WRONG. You desperately wanted this baby, and he/she is coming. And when you set eyes on your perfect baby, everything else will just melt away.

Sorry for such a long post. I'm not great at getting across what I mean!

OP, if you're there still, please take care. Are you OK?

You can get help. I know I am a random internet stranger, but I am wishing you well. (I would say I'd pray for you if you were that way inclined, but don't want to offend.) So thinking about you.

Please get some help. You can feel different. It can all get better.

No matter what you do about your pregnancy, your own happiness and health and sanity are the most important thing.

All of you obviously know better I'm sure as mental health professionals, so I shall happily bale on this thread and hope there isn't a sad update in a few weeks time.

Be kind to yourself OP.

I had ocd when I was pregnant too, op, I was prescribed a low dose of prozac and paid to see a clinical psychologist as a private patient. You aren't maxed out yet in terms of treatment options, online CBT really doesn't sound like enough support for you right now .

I think some posters have been very insensitive to Sebsmummy.

I'll add my voice to the rest in the hopes that you hear it in time. I also read your previous thread and it sounds like you are in a really bad place. It also sounds like you really wanted a baby. I agree with the others who believe this is something you could really regret.

Sleepless- I'm a psychiatrist. I would be concerned that you do not, in fact, have capacity to consent to a termination right now.

In order to give informed consent one of the tests is that you are able to weigh up the risks and benefits of having the procedure. It really does not sound from your posts as though you are able to do that. If I were the Dr asked to undertake this procedure I would be so concerned for you that I would not do it as I would think your consent was not valid.

I know that you have seen a psychiatrist at least once and had some online CBT but it seems to me you need a whole lot more MH support than that ie specialist perinatal psychiatrist, mental health midwife, CPN support, face to face therapy.

I realise that it would be hard for you to take medication because of further worries about harming the baby but it really seems that you are unwell enough to need that. A specialist perinatal psychiatrist will be able to advise which medication is the safest.

On the other thread you mentioned thinking that other people would be better off if you were not here, that mornings are worse than later in the day (diurnal variation) and you clearly are having an incredible amount of irrational guilt. These are indicators of severe depression.

Please, please get some more mental health support and treatment before you make any decision about the pregnancy.

I apologise to you sebsmummy for my comment to you, I read it back and it is insensitive. I should have worded it differently.

Sorry. I wish you well with your pregnancy, and sincerely hope things work out for you.

Although I do still stand by what I wrote re- the OP actually knowing how hard it can be to become and stay pregnant.

When I read your posts you can see the cognitive distortions of severe depression and anxiety very easily. Eg many, many people in RL and on here, friends, family, professionals told you that the risk of having damaged your baby was very small. Even the email from the professor you said was 'mainly reassuring' and yet you picked out one small piece of information which you felt was confirming your fear and privileged this above all the information to the contrary. (I would doubt very much that this professor would advise you or anyone else in this situation to get a termination and I expect he would be horrified to think that you were taking his email in that way.)
I'm not blaming you for this in any way. It is because you are ill and you are hyper vigilantly picking out fearful information and information that chimes with your fears and you are not able to adequately weigh in the balance all the reassuring information. CBT could help you to do this but your symptoms are too severe and you are too distressed to be expected to manage it on your own.

Wannabe, I am sorry you have first hand experience of mental ill health but I stand by my comments. You presumably are not the op's psychiatrist so can't know if she needs sectioning. I fully understand the process having been there several times myself and know that it is sometimes necessary however random lay people on the internet are not qualified to make such a decision.

And the insinuation that the op or indeed anyone experiencing a mh crisis shouldnt be a parent is best ignorant but perhaps more accurately disgusting. If you can't understand how hurtful that comment would come across then I urge you to consider it again.

I do a lot of work around the patient experience and amazingly people in a crisis want to be listened to, they need empathy and kindness and support. Your intentions may be good but trying to jolt the op in this instance, I don't think, is helpful.

Op, I hope you are doing ok and have some real life support.

OP, I'm really sorry you're going through this right now.

At 17 I had a termination at 16 weeks. I was suffering badly with mental health issues and I felt like I had no choice, I wanted to have my baby, but I went through with the termination anyway. I hate to say it, but it had a massively negative impact on my mental health for years to come. I am entirely pro-choice in all circumstances, no matter what, but I really feel you're not in the right state of mind to make this decision right now.

You don't seem like you really want this and judging by your posts I'm not entirely sure you can really give proper consent to a termination right now. To me, it seems like you just want this torment to end, but a termination isn't going to do that for you. Only specialist, professional mental health help will.

Whether or not you go through with this is your choice, but please be aware that a termination won't make these problems go away. You need to continue seeking proper help.

I didn't say people with mental health issues couldn't have children. I agree THAT would be disgusting. I said in this instance terminating is just beyond...... And I stand by what I said.

Your right I am not her psychiatrist and neither can I make the decision to section her but dig down deep do you honestly think she has mental capability? That she doesn't need hospitalising?

She asked 'lay people' for advice as we all do on here and as thus I am entitled to my opinion. I am pro choice but really???

I haven't RTFT. I had horrendous antenatal anxiety with dc1- I was convinced everything I did wS harming the baby and I spent a very large proportion of my life checking if I was bleeding and later, obsessing over movements. I couldn't work, didn't see friends, I was utterly obsessed. It was re worst time of my life. I was seeing a midwife weekly as well as a CPN and psychologist.

After Ds was born it was like someone had flicked a switch and I was 'me' again. I cant guarantee it would be the same for you but this seems a very drastic situation.

Sleepless please don't do this. You are ill, and the thoughts you are having are coming from the illness, not from the real you. Depression/OCD can be so powerful and insidious. Please don't let it ruin your life. Please, please, please do not go for the termination. Please contact your perinatal mental health team now and tell them what you are planning. Please.