SPRINGTIME in the VILLAGE (Support for all Mental Health Issues)

[NanaNina]

Thought I'd start a new thread what with it being the Spring Equinox and all that..........and there's another reason. I'm hoping to re-connect with people who used to be frequent village visitors, but like me, seem to have fallen by the wayside. Of course everyone is welcome in the Village, so I hope more recent visitors understand my post and will not feel de-valued in any way. The stigma of mental illness is alive and well I reckon so we all need all the support we can get.

SO - CALLING

Vicar (she started the Village thread some years ago and occasionally pops in) Edwinia'sRevenge SnowyMouse (where ARE you?) SilveryPussyCat CIQ (I know you were having a tough time) Lem (once a very regular visitor) Hoochymama Pyrrghena collardove Victrix Pulled Creamhearts (previously FDG) MentalPsychiatrist KeemaNaanAndCurryOn (miss you and your wit)
FaithLoveandGrace MySpideySenseTickles

Would love to hear how you're all doing. I'm much the same, up and down, mostly down this month.

I've probably forgotten lots of people, but that's all I can bring to mind just now.

Sorry meant cbt appointment* stupid phone.

((Pulled)) what's going on for you? Do you want to talk about it?
Pandora, the internet is the enemy when it comes to meds. I think you should go with what your Dr said when prescribing.
Hope your cbt went OK spanky.

I seem to have picked up a lot. Have some Sumner work and a new voluntary role. Melting in the heat though.

loveis glad to hear you have picked up and congrats on the jobs you have done brilliantly to find both a summer job and a voluntary job.

There have been a lot of family dramas and by that I mean arguments which got out of control the other night. I haven't been able to stop shaking since but in saying that the shaking has stopped right now. I've just woken up to self harm thoughts and bad voices and though I've rejected the offer to go into hospital I'm feeling maybe I should. I don't know I feel so sick physically as I've got a chest infection I feel it's exacerbating the situation. I'm just so tired of it all

pulled. What do you mean by got out of control? Must have been serious for you to react with shaking and that way. Do you feel safe at home?
I don't know what to suggest for the self harm thoughts except a distraction activity? I do a bit of baking or something like that if k get self harm thoughts. Or cleaning. I do quite a lot of that.
How are your voices now? I have psycho tic experiences sometimes (take meds) so understand what a pain the voices are.

Hi everyone,

I've never posted on these threads and I'm really new to MN but am a long time lurker. I've had anorexia/an eating disorder for ten years and I'm struggling so much now. I can't handle the weakness, tiredness, hunger and coldness that constantly eating below 1,000 calories brings but I also am so terribly phobic of eating anything above 1,100. I can't live like this forever :( but I know because I'm a healthy weight I probably won't get help.

Until very recently, I was adamant I didn't want any help for my ED but now I realise that my constant tiredness and weakness and fainting will never change unless I start eating more but I just can't bring myself to do it. Yesterday I could only manage a big apple, a slice of ham and some pasta which sounds like a lot but wasn't even 900 calories - my body needs 1,300 just to function so I'm disappointed in myself, but glad I'm disappointed iyswim because usually I'd be so proud - so it shows I'm at least ready to take steps. And the other thing is - I've never been so obsessed with calories and weight and measuring food, not since the last time I was inpatient :( so this is worrying now I'm back to counting calories and spending hours in the supermarket picking up food and putting it down because I just can't decide if the calories will be worth it.

I just really want support and a chance to offload and hopefully get some guidance because I don't want to live like this. There have been times during these ten years when I've eaten three meals - never any snacks except fruit, but three normal meals and I didn't count calories or get anxious. But then bam I swing back and anorexia takes hold again :(

I've been cleaning too but of course nothing left to clean and now I feel breathless. I feel safe at home none of it was directed at me but of course the whole thing upset me and I hate conflict. DH has been great support but he's no match for the voices! I've taken morning meds - they've been increased so really hoping they kick in and calm me down. Thank you for reading and responding.

((( fauch ))) I can only offer hugs & hand hold as I'm in a bad place at the moment my self.

pulledapart thank you so much, it's difficult but I'm trying to stay positive. A lot of old friends have recovered well, and this gives me hope.

I'm here to listen if you need to offload.

I managed two hours. But the cbt went well. I just wasn't ready to show the therapist my soft spots as my dad taught me that people use them against me! Psychopath fathers eh?! I have been given a timetable to fill in with stuff I do to help me see the good. I think in the long run it helped as I am doing cbt from my real level rather than my fake front I put on. Thank you for being there as I was on a big downward spiral.

How is everyone doing today? ((( hugs to all )))

AF has just started for me so no chance I'll be pregnant this month either (one more thing I suck at)

I'm going into hospital later as well have agreed to stay over the weekend

(pulled)

Tired day here. Feeling a bit hormonal and wobbly. Went on some training for my voluntary role earlier today. Very, very tired now.

Nothing ice cream can't fix (dives into tub of Ben & Jerry)

Hope everyone has a peaceful night x

Anyone around for a distraction? Hospital is getting to me!

Hi pulled how are you feeling now? Ben & Jerry's sounds good :)

Can I creep back into the village? I've been struggling alof again recently. Work was my only break from my PND and monotony of home, but I've been medically suspended due to occy health saying that I'm not allowed to be unsupervised around students (impossible I. A secondary school)

I can feel myself getting ill again and the negative intrusive thoughts creeping back in.

Also pulled very jealous that you have a tub of B&J! I don't remember ever having ice cream when I was inpatient!

Thanks faith and mummy for thinking of me. Yes the ward manager was being a bitch and not allowing any ice cream but I had my DH sneak it in. Of course there is no freezer in my room so I had to eat the whole tub .

I had a terrible night and have been asleep most of the day. Not good as I know I won't sleep much tonight! Hopefully they'll give me something to zonk out later. Am feeling really exhausted and a bit weird. intrusive thoughts, voices, paranoia, psychosis and so on the list is endless at the moment

Hugs for you pulled. Sounds like your DH is pretty cool :)

I've had a disastrous day at the shopping centre. I wanted to find a dress, but nothing fitted and then everyone in the shopping centre started staring at me so I had to leave. I need to get through to my care-coordinator tomorrow, we've been missing each other's calls since Tuesday.

How are you feeling now pulled? What have you been doing to pass the time today?

Hi, Villagers. Lurking BPD sufferer here. I was so vile to my DP last night. I crossed so many lines, I took all his insecurities and threw them at him all night. He forgave me, but I can't forgive myself. I woke up utterly heart-broken this morning and have cried all the way to work (apologies to everyone on the Tube) and am now sat at my desk hiding behind my monitor with tears still streaming, trying not to indulge the dangerous thoughts that inevitably follow these episodes. He is so lovely, I think it makes me even more hell-bent on trying to drive him away at times.

I don't know why I'm posting, there's nothing to be done. I just needed to tell somebody how sad I am. I haven't taken my meds for a few months after we found out they were giving me arrhythmia (and I was always paranoid about the possible infertility side effects - we don't have kids yet but plan to start TTC in the next couple of years, providing I'm not still behaving like a lunatic, obviously). I feel like I have to choose between a heart problem and God knows what else versus being physically healthy but completely unhinged. I have had and am still having talking therapies but I miss the meds, I really miss being a calm, nice person who doesn't scream at inanimate objects, break things or turn savagely on the person she loves the most.
I am really struggling not to think about bad things right now.

((( mummy )))

((( creak ))) any chance you can go home early?

I'm just counting the hours to go home whenever that may be. Struggling with hallucinations today can't shift the sadness I feel and feel spaces out.

Thanks pulled, and hugs for you too.

((Creak)) I know that BPD guilt well. I don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid. Can you and your DP have a chilled / romantic evening tonight? Maybe pick up a bottle of wine and a nice dinner on the way home and snuggle with a film?

I finally got through to my care-coordinator today. She's made an appointment for me on Friday with her and another member of the team, she's transferring me over to her, so I will have a new care-coordinator.. I'm not sure how I feel. I don't like change, I feel as if I'm being passed around. New lazy specialises in mums with young children, so that will be good, but it means I have to start over again and I just feel like I'm getting to know my current care-coordinator.

I'm still really struggling. My head heels planning when I could fit in a chance to harm with nobody noticing. I've been trying to use mindfulness and distraction to help. It helps in the moment, but as soon as I stop the nasty thoughts come straight back and my head starts racing. I can't sleep at night, but when I finally do I either get woken by the DCs (I spent half of last night balanced on the edge of DSs toddler bed) or I have weird dreams. When I finally made it back to our bed I dreamt that there were flies breeding in my lemonade, I kept fishing them out but they kept multiplying. Then the ones is fished out crawled into the swimming pool and the whole pool was bubbling with black flies. Horrible. And then every morning I get worker by the DCs jumping on me, and OH solhoutibg at me to wake up. (Apparently he's been asking me nicely for 20mins whilst I'm still asleep and don't remember.) the first thin bin conscious of every morning is being shouted at by him and the DCs to get up.

Occupational the health report is supposedly back by the end of this week. I hope it means I will be able to go back to work, but I'm feeling more and more pesssimistic about it.

mummy sounds like you really need to speak to ur care co-ordinator. All the things u describe sounds like u r feeling under a lot of pressure. Sorry can't think of anything else to say. Just don't got back to work until ur ready mentally. I think the worst thing u can do is put ur brain under more pressure. Actually creak the same advice for u, u sound like u need a break from work too.

I've been told I'm ok to go home later today. Yippy that I'll see my little one but I'm not sure how I'll be at home. One night at a time I suppose. They will give me enough drugs to help me get through the next few days and a follow up next Monday. Let's see how it goes

Work was the only thing keeping me sane, it's not being at work that has caused all of this stress. I'm desperate to go back, but there is only a week left of term so it's hardly worth it. But it would be nice to know everything is sorted for September.

I told this to my care-coordinator earlier. She just said to use my distraction techniques, but it's hard to fit them in with 2 small children. OH is out late tonight, so I have to do bedtime by myself :(

Glad you're going home pulled, have you got a plan in place of you are struggling?

Any other villagers can't sleep?

Thanks for your words Pulled and MummySparkle, I hope you guys (and everyone) are okay today. There wasn't much chance of me getting out of work early yesterday as half of my team were already off with assorted physical ailments and I felt too bad to ask. I've been feeling for a while that maybe some time out of work might be the best thing but I'm not entitled to any sort of sick pay and am currently the sole earner in the household, I don't feel like I have any options in that department. And I'm scared to be at home sometimes (because of myself, not DP). I dunno. Writing in here helps, though.