Being Mentally Normal: The Theory and The Actuality

[Mitchy1nge]

we must be on part 11 or something by now?

Oooh maybe will go to JL instead of ikea? Is some miles (10?) in the other direction but feels like my spiritual home.

I'm knackered, carer was 2.5 hours late this morning so I've missed my normal nap.

I'm having a quiet day, pizza I suppose. I had milky porridge (135 kcal), so as long as I only eat the pizza I'll be ok calorie-wise.

Do they contact you and say they'll be late, or does it just happen, if that makes sense.

It just happens, apparently they changed it on Friday and should have rung me (but didn't).

god that's awful snowy, can you get more punctual ones or at least more communicative carers so you know what's happening

pizza sounds great though

I just want to go to bed, seriously cannot wait to be in there with the electric blanket and the new squishy mattress topper and extra duvet but sharer is coming and we need to ride the boys, so to speak

am putting woollier tights on under my jeans, little socks, big socks, yard boots, sports bra, long sleeve merino, t-shirt, woolly jumper, horrible but warm and practical riding jacket, gloves, buff

I don't even like being alive very much

I don't want to go to gbk

please can I be shot in the back of my head

Will you feel better if out etc? Sometimes that helps me she says from bed

Shot in head is probably not the way forward, would be a surprise and so you might not be prepared. If I'm being killed I want to know it's going to happen.

yeah and there is always a surprisingly high chance of survival

ok will have paracetamol and Do More Riding

think I might be actually a bit unwell in the germ sense not the manic depressive insanity sense

To be fair the last company I used were worse. I asked about tomorrow (same carer), and she said that it'll be about 10, so at least I can set my alarm for later.

((( mitchy ))) I hope going out helps, it sounds like you're well wrapped up!

Maybe take vitamins or honey and lemon or something?
I am always fearful of somehow injuring myself severely but still being alive, so wouldn't be able to throw myself off a building etc.

I really ought to get up and do stuff.

I should get up too Caulk.

Maybe I just need to get utterly hammered more often - night before last I drank half a bottle of whiskey and then woke up three and a half hours later, before 6am. And had a great day - loads of energy, ran to gym, great workout, danced to some good tunes, didn't feel tired/drugged all day... I think my phenelzine is making me sleep excessively.

I'll get up if you do?

I drunk a fair amount of mulled wine and then damson gin last night and still in bed so it doesn't seem to always work as a foolproof plan.

I am always fearful of somehow injuring myself severely but still being alive, so wouldn't be able to throw myself off a building etc.

I have never lost the mental image of the scars on the body of a girl I knew at my adolescent unit - she'd jumped off a bridge and spent a year in a wheelchair having dozens of operations.

Okay, let's get up. Swinging my legs out of bed now. Right now. Yeah. Do it.

Okay now

What's GBK?

I'm trying to get the rabbits to Make Friends. The boy rabbit (who's had the op) keeps wanting to be VERY friendly, girl rabbit keeps giving him the brush off and so he retreats, then gives it another go...

Hm. Getting pissed not always effective, you say?

Ah well.

Gourmet burger kitchen

My mum has ms so I grew up with her in a wheelchair all the time, having to be fed etc. I know that that is completely different, but I was her carer from 7-18 and hated it.

Right. Will get up. But I'm NOT showering because that is too much effort.

MS is a terrifying disease. DP had a bout of optic neuritis so we're always watching now for another demyelination event of some kind, and of course it's meant I've read up on MS - for you Caulk, I can't imagine how hard that must've been for your family and you.

I'm not having a bath. I got sweaty and horrible in the gym yesterday but I'm going to wait until I've been out for a run today to have a bath. Too much washing fucks up my skin that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it and the bath takes eleven minutes to fill with enough water to wash in. I am putting my socks on.

Pretty hideous, especially as it was pretty severe when I was born. Lots of people have it and can manage really well, it varies a lot between people. I have a s abusive step father who is her carer now, can never report him to police as then her care would stop.

Partly selfish, but years of therapy have made me be ok about it, if that makes sense.

Right, getting out of bed NOW.

Well, I guess it still must be hard, but growing up having to care for your mum, I meant.

Is fine now, I am LC with them, visit once a year usually.

It's not selfish at all to have learnt to be okay with your role in it.