thread on which to be factitiously Mentally Normal (NOS)

[Mitchy1nge]

nobody was wondering but not only am I still alive, the horribleness of my back pain has completely stopped is all a bit tender and traumatised but hooray for me

and partial hooray for the weirdness that is tramadol I suppose

Have they put you on assertive outreach?

I've had all my blood taken, now waiting to see Freud and trying to decide just what to say to him this time. I'm reminiscing about the days when it was just me and the lovely private and expensive therapist and I just needed to turn up and pay and not worry about anything.

Hooray for purse-finding.

the flashier questions are not much fun, the ones about CSF fluid and all the long chemical names, or which anticonvulsant will make Asian people's skin fall off (SJS) or the 'this drawing of a clock was done by someone missing which bit of the brain' (got that one right, pre-frontal cortex, but only because I already knew of that person) but I do enjoy the more straightforward ones about personality disorders

I used to be on assertive outreach but not now. They could leave me to fend for myself in the wild again, it might be better than offering help that really isn't helpful in the least.

Lamotrigine is the one I know of that's bad for SJS.

the answer was carbamazepine, lamotrigine was in there as a glaringly red herring though

hope Freud doesn't keep you waiting too long caulk and you have a good session

am putting off the petrol roulette thing a bit it will probably be fine though

I'm familiar with the unhelpful help but I'm finding my lot fine at the moment. I don't know if/when I'll be seeing any of them again, though - my care coordinator is off sick and I'm pretty much better now anyway.

You have a hell of a lot of stuff to deal with at the moment tho Mitch - it surprises me they're not being more proactive to try and prevent it affecting you badly.

Good luck with Freud Caulks - hope it's a helpful appointment.

Ooh that's interesting about the carbamazepine - I wonder why just in Asian people? I'm not Asian which is probably why I hadn't come across it as a risk to be aware of. I suppose that's the difference between patients' knowledge and doctors' knowledge - I don't have to know things like that.

Caulk, how much do you pay for your private therapist (if you don't mind me asking). I'm currently having 2 sessions a week and it's £50/hr and I'm struggling as OH is getting arsey about it (I've been seeing said therapist for 3 years, but he doesn't understand psychoanalytic work and thinks I should be better by now :( )

wow that's a big outlay

I think I can heal myself through running and yoga

not that I really WANT to heal myself, for one thing most of my Undesirable Behaviours are for the most part highly desirable (at least they are to me and to society I think, up to a point anyway) and they are also really important and helpful in distracting me from Stuff - any misery that comes with them is offset by all their benefits I think, and the power of disavowal makes any scare tactic type 'motivational enhancement' fairly useless

god this makes me want to kill myself slightly

am just going to Do Running and eat in support of that, how can they ask for more than that!

I've seen her for three years. She charges £40 per session, but I pay £60pw for two sessions. (50 minutes long). I think she charges more now, but she has kept me on that cost, and I've told her when I've been poor and we have worked something out (phone calls, less contact for a bit etc). She is brilliant and I prioritise seeing her over other monetary things.

Have seen Freud, told him how much I want to Not Be Here and he has doubled the mediation and reminded me of the crisis teams. So I have 800mg of lithium now, which will make me into a all-singing all-dancing projection of my current self.

That is the problem with behaviours on the fringe of desirability and I think that's why they are so hard to give up. I used to justify what I did, eating wise, because it wasn't that far removed from what my friends did. But I guess it was far enough removed to cause such problems

Thanks Caulk, that sounds good. Mine has offered to reduce costs, but I don't feel comfortable accepting, as "we" can afford it. I know what you mean though, I'd live off baked beans to carry on having therapy. She has thrown in the odd free session and lets me take my DD with me for a chat when I'm struggling to find childcare and doesn't charge for this, as its impossible to have a session with a toddler running riot
I think mine is more ££ as she's a psychiatrist too, with a squillion years experience
I'm pleased you were able to be honest today and I hope the increase in meds help

hope you settle in to the lithium increase caulk, although (from exam q's earlier!) only clozapine has FDA approval as anti-suicidal med we know lithium to be helpful too in people with bipolar and depression (I think) and feel a bit better about Being Here soon

I can't get out of the house coach just sent a text asking if I've forgotten our meeting

Can't because of car, or can't can't?

Just had major panic as morrisons Did Not have the yoghurt I needed, and considered just staying in the store until they restocked, however that isn't normal, so have bought another one instead which will have to be fine.

Just had major panic as morrisons Did Not have the yoghurt I needed, and considered just staying in the store until they restocked, however that isn't normal, so have bought another one instead which will have to be fine.

mostly I don't see what's different about what I do and say snowy and enpo (sorry to single you two out) in terms of counting calories, watching my weight etc

but I know I'm obsessed and get really distressed about it, I resort to dangerous methods (eg purging without bingeing, excessive exercise) and there are complications etc and the whole weirdness of how much slimmer I felt at a higher weight which I don't understand why the brain does that

anyway the more I bang on about it the worse I feel so am going to fuck off for a walk and try to recompensate a bit

just can't can't

oh god the trauma when there is no fage total 0% in little pots

Main difference is I'm really bad at restricting?

Less flippantly, if I do ED questionnaires I score high on dieting subscales (I restrict food, avoid eating when hungry, weigh frequently, am actively attempting to lose weight), but I score very low on other categories like purging, binging (bingeing?), using restriction to manage emotions, using food to feel a sense of control, feeling compulsions around food, exercise, or restricting, feeling like I'm fat when the scales say otherwise, other people's perception of my weight being different from mine, etc.

But I do see exactly what you mean and I guess that it's probably a case of behaviours being separated from the reasons behind those behaviours, diagnostically.

Also I suspect I probably do have a diagnosable ED or I'd never have got to eighteen stone, but it's not extremely dangerous or severe so not worth diagnosing.

I eat a lot of yoghurt too but prefer 10% fat Greek or Turkish.

Have a nice walk

went outside, walked about 5 strides and retreated to house

am going to stay in the bath for as long as I can bear it

do you have ednos enpo?

I've never had any eating disorder diagnosed but I don't eat like a normal person so, who knows. Bath sounds a good idea. It's bloody brassic out there.