Issues at the interface of Mavis, community-based psychiatric services and the mentally normal

[Mitchy1nge]

I think that covers us all?

I don't think there are support groups for people with some of my diagnoses as people with those disorders don't tend to believe that they have those disorders. And if I don't believe I have those disorders, is it because I don't have those disorders, or because I do have them and that's a symptom? Argh.

I was imagining you had a worst case scenario (eg a form of bipolar) that you dreaded because is usually managed through drugs that sound scary (eg lithium and antipsychotics) and one of its central problems (depression) is hard to treat because of the manic switch (this is just an example it could be any condition you dread) so I think I was wondering whether it would help to think about all the other ways of treating it (mindfulness conscious relaxation lifestyle changes social support dietary stuff exercise mood diaries cbt etc) and where you might go for information and support

and equally if you dispute the diagnosis and feel it is based on faulty documentation of earlier episodes what you can do to challenge it and have a fresh assessment with another psychiatrist

think there are often multiple possible and equally valid explanations for mental distress and the constraints of psychiatry are such that there will inevitably be unmet or unaddressed issues left lying around

nothing should make you feel judged as a person and found wanting

it's surely more a case of 'this sort of fits your documented history and our observations' and then you try whatever treatment is indicated for that, and exercise your own responsibility in determining what that treatment might be as you go along

it's not very scientific, my first consultant described psychiatry as 'a series of stabs in the dark'

I'm scared of bipolar disorder for… actually pretty much exactly those reasons. Bipolar 2 is the one he mentioned. I'm also equally scared of the other disorders he mentioned, but for different reasons. I just want it all to go away. I wish I would shut up talking because I'm tedious and I know nobody wants to read my self-obsessed crap.

Yes, I think you're right when you say

it's surely more a case of 'this sort of fits your documented history and our observations' and then you try whatever treatment is indicated for that, and exercise your own responsibility in determining what that treatment might be as you go along

but I do feel judged by some of the possible diagnoses, I would feel ashamed of admitting to them in public, far more than with bipolar disorder - and yet I desperately don't want it to be bipolar disorder because I can't handle the drug therapy or the prognosis withoit drug therapy.

Essentially at this point there is no good outcome for me.

well obviously they do or nobody would keep talking to you

whatever this psych comes up with doesn't define you as a person and you are completely free to take what you find useful and discard the rest, or to see the consultant who will have more experience

I feel like I should be able to relate a lot more because I had and still have plenty of angst and suspicion concerning my diagnosis but I must be resigned to it at the moment

hope you get some sleep anyway, when is next appointment and will you see the psych? x

I desperately don't want it to be bipolar disorder because I can't handle the drug therapy or the prognosis withoit drug therapy

I know people with the diagnosis doing v well without drugs, they may be in a minority of the bipolar population as a whole but they do exist! There are a lot of ways to live. You have to find what works for you.

You're right, of course. I have to be pragmatic about the whole thing.

And stop being so bloody self-absorbed and just stop being scared or low all the bloody time.

My next appointment is with my care coordinator next Tuesday. I haven't really spoken to her alone yet but she seems nice. The next time I see the psychiatrist will probably be in a month, maybe? I think I have two weeks' worth of pregabalin but he said something about getting another prescription to me via the care coordinator. So I'm not sure really. I found it hard to concentrate with four people in the room

Anyway I should go to bed really. Sorry to anyone reading for all the self-pitying rubbish I've been writing. It just seems to come spilling out every so often at the moment.

You don't have to do anything! You can do what you want. Would be nice if you felt less scared and more hopeful of being on brink of a better understanding your feelings and behaviours and new ways to manage them, but is a daunting thing at same time.

I have to sleep. Sorry if have typed unhelpful opinionated bollocks will use tiredness as excuse but do feel for you x

Sleep well Mitchy and thank you for being so lovely and talking rationally to me about the stuff I'm panicking over, and helping me see where and how I might be overreacting or at least reacting in an unconstructive way.

don't see how it can be an overreaction it's how you feel

can see why drs dole out pills, other people's suffering and pain and fears makes you want to kiss it better as a way of avoiding uncomfortable reminders of what we are all vulnerable to when maybe people just want someone to listen without problem-solving?

did you sleep ok?

I'm bipolar 2. Apparently. I'm unmediated for the most part. Anxiety meds only.

Gecko died last night. Horrifically. I cried thorough the night non stop. I'm crying now. I can't stop. I can't do anything. I'm utterly broken by him going.

I needed DP to stay home but he didn't. He is sad that gecko died but nowhere near as devastated as me and I don't think he understands. He said some harsh things too, although he didn't mean them to be. Now I feel attacked from all angles.

I'm just lying in bed crying. I've cried so much my eyes won't focus anymore, and they are bright red. I've got a headache and I need a drink but I have no energy to do anything but sob.

I needed him.

Oh infinity :(

am so sorry :(

poor little chap :(

have you got a resting place for his remains? x

No. I can't bare him being gone. I gave him a last cuddle but he's cold and stiff and I'm broken. I've put him back in his viv for now.

I think this is it. I have an overwhelming sense of brokenness, now. I don't know how to begin picking myself up. I needed him.

I'll probably be quiet today. I don't want to be a broken record.

I slept okay.

I'm so sorry Infinity Post as much or as little as you want.

nobody will mind whatever gets you through the time

do you have much planned for today enpo?

Nothing planned except DP offered Mavis a bath. Going to be hard work as I was awake whining about what a useless fuckwit I am to DP until about 2am. Total rest day for ankle planned. Also turns out that getting older means turning your ankle is no longer just turning your ankle - it's also jarring knee, twisting neck, etc.

Infinity, I hope you can rest and look after yourself today. What a horrible night you've had; just awful.

I wish I had appointments the day after appointments to talk about the bad feelings that talking in appointments brings up.

like holidays for resting and recovering from holidays?

Yes