Issues at the interface of Mavis, community-based psychiatric services and the mentally normal

[Mitchy1nge]

I think that covers us all?

having cigarette to take mind off imaginary thinning endocardium

I bring extra aripiprazole with me in case of emergencies. I rely on DP to notice if I'm going high as I certainly won't see it happen.

did you ever do all that relapse signature stuff?

I find I can in fact identify behaviours that might be associated with mood going up (or down) but not feelings as always feel that am somehow just MEANT to feel this way, whether that means Extreme Horn or Pleading For Death

I did a lot of relapse signature work and it has been useful. Unfortunately long haul travel is one of my triggers.

am hoping you are well protected from that and can enjoy a lovely break

looking forward to hearing about it when you get back, have safe flight

I hope it all goes ok too. Will try to pop in and say hi when I'm away.

Hm. Perhaps should have eaten before gym. Stupid vibrating muscles.

I hope everyone is well and all who need or want to be sleeping are sleeping.

I'm lying on the sofa getting irate at The Apprentice.

Next best thing, I guess

Where on earth do they find the hideous people for this programme??

Just want to sleep but have to eat and appreciate DP's lovingly homemade specially dietarily adapted chicken curry I'm such a bitch.

I imagine they advertise, then just filter out anyone with a conscience or any sense of proportion?

Heavy on the anxiety tonight. The psychiatrist I saw was fairly open about his thought processes diagnosis-wise and he seems to be considering all the diagnoses I'm most scared of. Also getting worried that I can feel symptoms of depression coming, even though I know many of them are likely to just be medication side effects that will wear off. I've been googling and reading articles in psychcentral and berating myself for having been an idiot for several weeks, enough to come back to the attention of MH services. Also anxious about the fact that the care coordinator said she knew I wanted to be discharged as soon as possible, and am worried that this means they think I am assuming I will get well quickly, or that I don't accept I have been unwell, or am denying I need help, or have poor insight, rather than the reality which is that I'm hoping all that is wrong with me is a mild mood disorder which can be treated quickly and effectively and which I can deal with by using some CBT techniques or similar.

And I do acknowledge the possibility thatbi have one of these other, scarier diagnoses, and I have a lot of work and treatment ahead of me to try to become well, but I just really, really hope it's not any of those I'm most scared of.

Why did I call myself an idiot? I try not to use MH terminology, however old, as an insult.

am struggling to think of anything helpful, tend to avoid/deny/attack in those situations

does weighing up the probability of getting some unwanted opinion help you prepare for its likely implications and how you might respond (2nd opinion, treatment options, other non-psychiatric/non-medical sources of support)

if the psych was able to share his reasoning would it make an unpalatable diagnosis easier to accept?

I don't think I quite grasp your expectations, do you think there is something wrong that they might overlook or mistake for something with similar symptoms, that they don't fully understand you?

sorry for being a bit thick, am tired

can't string words together!

am wondering whether is more helpful to you to think: ok evidence so far suggests am going to have some earlier diagnosis reaffirmed so I will try to prepare for that and learn about treatment and self help and any other support (groups?)

or - and now I have forgotten

am absolutely fucked! going for smoke and will return

I just wrote out a long post, forgetting I've just switched to the iPod, and it crashed and threw it away. Could bloody cry.

I meant to say, that you're not being thick, and that it's hard to respond meaningfully to brainless drivel like I've been writing.

Argh, I try not to use "brainless" as an insult either.

no it's not you I promise

I keep losing my train of thought it just veers off into blankness, so frustrating

I'm not sure how I will respond to any diagnosis at this point to be honest.

I keep comparing every thought train that I think, every behaviour I display, and every emotion/mood that I feel to the diagnostic criteria of each of the disorders the psychiatrist I saw has mentioned. It's very tiring and upsetting and I wish I would stop it as it is almost certainly a pointless exercise for someone who isn't trained and educated in how to apply those criteria.

Oh that sounds annoying for you; you have my sympathies.

I'm scared I'll be misdiagnosed with something that would mean I'm a bad person. I'm also scared I'll be correctly diagnosed with something that will mean I'm a bad person. And scared I'll be misdiagnosed with a disorder that will mean I end up taking the wrong medication, and scared to get that diagnosis and it be correct, meaning I'm stuck taking that medication because it's the right thing. I worry about everything I can remember saying in my appointment, and how it comes across in the context of what it would mean is wrong with me and what it would make them think is wrong with me.

I'm also worried that overanalysing like this means I'm not coming across or presenting authentically and am making it impossible to accurately work out what if anything is wrong with me and if I can fix it.