Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

[EnpoTree]

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

well done

are you ok with that? I know you said it's what you wanted but sometimes we feel differently when stuff actually happens

He may just be really worried about you enpo ? And feeling useless/helpless?

Let me know how the jellies turn out!

HTT's function seems primarily to be giving people drugs (which, aside from benzos and non-benzos I won't take), and shoving people in hospital "doing their very best to keep people out of hospital", which as I've told them isn't an option, and the more they tell me that hospitals have changed and I'm less likely to get raped/forcibly drugged by staff/forcibly drugged by patients/physically assaulted by staff and patients/held on the floor and tortured for hours before being administered the chemical cosh, the note it sounds like they're trying to soften me up for an admission, and as I've said to them before I REALLY WILL NOT go in and will be forced to resort to my less preferred but quick'n'dirty suicide method involving the railway track two minutes down the road with a third rail with a current high enough to fell a shire horse (literally - it actually happened).

The more it sounds like.

Yes I would really like to have CMHT involvement only and get an accurate diagnosis and learn appropriate coping strategies to manage without drugs.

I will tell you about the jellies - I'm particularly curious about the chocolate vanilla coconut milk jelly pudding

That's not a suicide threat BTW. I don't want to kill myself and there is no risk I will unless hospital admission is imminent, which won't be happening as I'm not psychotic or suicidal.

Yes, so am i now!

I think he's worried but also ive been kind of snappy when not allowed to push through the clean energy

No, sounds like they're calming down, not working up to sectioning you.

well it sounds like they are off your back now which has to be a Good Thing yet you don't sound relieved

Gelatine, warm water, coconut milk powder, cocoa powder, sweetener, and vanilla extract. It'd better be good. If it isn't I'll smother the bastard in squirty cream (anchor extra thick has no added sugar!)and call it pudding.

I will be relieved when I believe I am reprieved :-D and not a moment before.

I've also made up some angel delight with coconut milk from powder. Which might be interesting.

You're thinking they're calming down Bastard? That's good news. What is it that is giving you that impression?

Hi Enpo
Just wanted to say I felt the same as you about Lithium but actually I now see that it gave me my life back. Just my experience but wanted to let you know of someone (me) that was VERY anti the drugs but really glad now that I take them.

HTT seem happy enough to discharge me back to CMHT I assumed this meant you'd been discharged to the community team

was it just wishful thinking out loud?

Well, them being happy for you to go back to community care, that is what that means right?

It depends whether CMHT will acceptnme back apparently. HTT seem to think they can do very little for me if I won't takebdrugs and as i would prefer to be seen b people who can offer diagnosis and non-drug assistance (however paltry) they're happy to request CMHT take me back.

They still seem convinced I am hypomaniv though. But at least they're not diagnosing me with a mental illness.

Queen, its just that I might have had the opportunity to meet my grandmother if it weren't for lithium. It scares me.

I have been begging HTT to discharge me to CMHT.

hypomania is a form of mental distress, whether you think of that as illness is up to you (I change my mind all the time) and it's also a diagnosis, did it come from the home treatment psychiatrist?

Its the word the HTT psychiatrist and nurses keep using.

I don't think I really have it. I almost feel like i could stop behaving like this (and yes I accept my behaviour has changed slightly) if I could just decide to --ignoring the turbine in my chest that would go off and propel my innards out through NY body wall and extrude them in rib-shaped jets to splatter along the wall.

Oops forgot to close cross-out