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Original poster

Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

999 replies

EnpoTree · 25/10/2014 17:47

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 15:42

It's fine - if I can just step down to CMHT or the GP where I can discuss learning some coping strategies to prevent depression then this "presentation" (i.e. my feeling stressed by their behaviour) will stop. I'm with DP and going into town.

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 15:42

He seems pissed off with me ConfusedSad

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BastardGoDarkly · 28/10/2014 16:14

He's probably just worried about you love Flowers

Original poster
EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 23:01

Now he's crying. What the fuck do I do?

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 23:41

Oh he's calmed down. Apparently he couldn't cope with the "barrage" of questions I was asking Hmm just trying to get a straight answer.

So I've taken the bloody sodding clonazepam and hopefully this will make me less unpleasant to be around at some cost but nobody cares about that. I think I have to accept that there's something not quite right about me as I am clearly pissing everyone off and am difficult to be around.

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BastardGoDarkly · 29/10/2014 03:42

You don't sound happy either enpo you sound on over drive, but not in a really happy way.

How do the clonazepam make you feel?

BastardGoDarkly · 29/10/2014 09:12

Morning! How are you doing? Hope you got some sleep?

Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 09:56

Have just woken up. Clonazepam seems a lot stronger than diazepam. Had zopiclone just before bed. Think I was asleep nine hours. Very sludgy and sluggish and heavy. Kind of hung over. Hate this but I can't make DP cry again.

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 09:58

I can explain about the bad energy with the drive to walk and how to convert it to the good, sparkly and sharp not hard and jaggy eneet and how it's been taking more work, but I don't feel the words are coming to me very well. I will try later. I am supposed to take more clonazepam now. Sad

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 10:01

People take this for fun?!

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 10:02

Amazingly, my mouth doesn't taste of pennies.

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Mitchy1nge · 29/10/2014 10:03

well only about 1mg at a time, is clonazepam the one with the really short half life? they are all shorter than diazepam I think, so seem more potent

I looooove lorazepam sometimes but my favourite one was librium. Old school.

Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 10:10

Librium looks like bees

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 10:15

I've only been told to take 0.5mg clonazepam, three times a day. Instead of 5mg diazepam three times a day. The diazepam had hardly any effect except it blocked the power going through me and made it clot hard making it harder to shift and stopped me from properly running or dancing to flip the energy good and burn it off and feel calm - so diazepam ended up that it made me less calm Hmm

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 10:16

Feel heavily doped on the clonazepam but then I did on the diazepam too. Hope that effect lessens a bit soon.

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Mitchy1nge · 29/10/2014 10:22

heavily doped doesn't sound great but it's probably good that they have such a strong effect on you, would be nicer if they made you feel better obviously

maybe they will soon

Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 10:29

Maybe will be less dopey later.

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 10:51

Have you had clonazepam Mitch?

I'm not sure why the doctor chose this one but he said it was to act as a mood-stabiliser as I won't take those Hmm

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Mitchy1nge · 29/10/2014 11:00

yeah, am pretty sure it was clonazepam I first ever had while waiting for lithium to get up and running (because lithium takes fucking ages to work so you can't just wait a few weeks for the magic to happen) but I can't remember if I was also taking chlorpromazine then or if that was some other time, I came home on lithium and chlorpromazine anyway like it was 1960 something not 1990s

Mitchy1nge · 29/10/2014 11:04

I've only ever had it while waiting for lithium to work or while it is being increased, not on its own.

Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 12:34

Funnily enough I don't think lithium was widely used for manic depression until the seventies, at least if my grandma is anything to go by. Seems odd as it's such a basic thing. But yeah, I have similar experience of being bunged on Stelazine and told its fine, I just needed to take procyclidine to stop all the mouth-twisty shuffling and shakes and oh god ny eyes, they won't roll back Grin Like you say, a flash from the past. I mean blast obviosly, but it's hardly a blast, is it?

Pushing thru the clonazepam, feeling pretty sparkly and listening to the Best Of Shite Eighties Chart Music as loud as DP will allow on the stereo.

I have had a snotty letter from the council about my building waste on the pavement. Presumably they would have preferred a random piece of render to fall on someone's head at some point Grin

The waste is gone now - it was in a bag on a fenced off area and was collected after one day! Ah well.

The doctor seems optimistic about clonazepam so I'm hoping that I will be able to avoid lithium. It does bad things to my family line.

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 16:11

DP Completely shut down for over half an hour. I thought he was going to. the gym. Come downstairsand he's muts and ubrrsponsive on the sofa. I have no idea how hr will be when he gets back. Fucky fuck. I've made a fridge full of jellies to fikk the time.

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 16:24

Experimental things with gelatine and coconut milk powder and angel delight andn cocoa powder Grin

Also strawverry, raspberry, blackcurrant, lemon, lemon and lime, orange, etc.

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 16:26

I hope jelly will cheer him up. He seems rrally low. I wish he wasn't sufferingnso.much. depression is so horrblebabd I just wantto help buy anything I say makesnhin cry more or clam up or we start shouting at one anotherbajd he says he cant handle being interrogated Sad I wonder if what's going on is that I'm not hypomanic at all - its actuqllynthst he's depressed and the nisnatcj in energy is what's causing the problem.

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 29/10/2014 16:34

HTT seem happy enough to discharge me back to CMHT.

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