Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

[EnpoTree]

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

are you taking any weight loss drugs or supplements?

I think I am working at cross-purposes with HTT, too, as they seem.to be mostly concerned with preventing mania, understandably, given how destructive it can be, but I know I cannot get manic for reasons I can't go into here; if I am bipolar, it's bipolar-lite without proper mania, and MY main concern is recurrence of depression - in which case bringing me down is the last thing I want!

like thermogenics or whatever

Why Mitch?

I don't, by the way.

was just wondering, something I read earlier made me think of it

the differential for hypomania can't be that vast

Do yo think they might help?

The lithium scared me too and if only my grandmother had taken it I might have had the chance to know her but she took her own life. I promise you it is safe when properly managed x

do I think uncoupling agents might help? not if you live in a hot country

yeah why not, knock them back with some thick black coffee and enjoy a whole new maximum heart rate

no, sorry, I was just wondering out loud about what else looks like hypomania

Huh?

I'm so sorry your grandma killed herself Queen

Sodding sodding sodding mental illness.

Have looked up thermogenics and they're basically just caffeine/ephedrine? No uncoupling.

Unless you're talking about DNP and hownit fucks upnyour ATP.

Thanks Enpo xxx it just makes me want to stop mental illness taking/ruining anymore lives including mine! You sound like you're doing better tonight?

Probably all the clonazepam

Buggered up my workout tho: could only manage half of it.

Thanks.

Coconut jelly slightly boring and about 400kcal and that's before the mountain of squirty cream. I am on a low-carb low-calorie diet to attempt to counteract olanzapine-induced diabetes and that dessert was not with the carb/calorie load

Not worth

It's not that I don't want or appreciate the help the HTT can offer (other than the feeling that all advice/help they give is
Given with the unspoken "do it or we might lock you up" vibe) - I do want their help, I desperately want someone to help me in those short periods where I realise that something must not be quite right and I'm not normal for me at the moment. But I just can't handle the lack of communication. I recognise and understand that they don't have time to talk to and visit me at the drop of the hat or whenever I want to and hat it takes time to liaise between different services; I really do. I just need them to ring when they say they will and come round when they say they'll come round, give or take an hour or so, and not leave me stuck in the house incapable of leaving or getting on with anything because I'm waiting on contact I was promised from people who, it turns out, had no idea I Was expecting a call.

sounds like you want a referral to a psychologist to work with you on relapse signatures and prevention and self management and so on

I had cbt along those lines for about 9 months and went on an MDF course, although I couldn't see the psychologist until I was well, it was quite helpful

Yes yes exactly

I was almost entirely fine with the occasional struggle with excess energy for weeks/months leading up to right now but you get HTT involved and here's the stress of never knowing when/if they're going to call/ when/if they're going to threaten me with incarceration, and the DRUGS - I just burst into tears for the first time in months because I ripped a can of coke down myself for no good reason due to clumsiness from these bloody tablets that are slowing me down and making me stupid and blocking me up inside and now I can't even remember if I took the bloody ibuprofen I opened the drink for in the first place hat I need to take because I've woken up from the zopiclone aching all over

Tipped

you don't need a referral for the self management courses, don't know what the deal is with them now but they were so heavily subsidised it was like £10 for a weekend or something

we were making an online follow up thing called RODEO (regulation of depression/elation online) but must have lost interest in it

Probably not allowed to donthat if I don't have bipolar disorder though.

It's nearly eleven. They're supposed to ring at eleven. They won't. I honk they're trying to provoke me.

If I had bipolar dosorder I would be manic now and happy not crying and scared and angry.

I just want to go out and run and run and run until I'm not here any more. This is shitty.