Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

[EnpoTree]

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

Yeah I think it might be addictive. I hated sport as a kid as I had asthma. And hated it until a few months ago TBH. It's not fun when you're 18 stone. But I seem to have got into it suddenly and it should be helping the diabetes.

I was feeling off today - worried my energy levels were dropping, but now I feel fucking amazing

I wonder if you live near me - that David Lloyd price sounds familiar

You don't sound poor...

you can't really skimp on shoes, I have a few pairs to use in rotation and as I have a stupid habit of running on awful terrain I need good trail shoes

and then I need magic socks (balega) for long wet runs because the alternative is grim as fuck

and loads of wicking layers because am always cold, even by 7 miles in yesterday at a faster than usual pace for the distance I was still cold. I don't seem to have any sweat glands these days?

Maybe they're your warty horses I'm stroking

I'm in Suffolk

I probably wouldn't be poor if I could develop some cheaper interests or even if I could remember to invoice people, I worked every single day in September and haven't got round to asking for a penny yet

these are deficits that I attribute to my mental disorder, just basic daily living skills that seem to come so easily to other people

I'm very impressed with all the running. I don't think I could run for a bus. My only exercise is horse riding

one of them is old and warty! he's dark brown

the others are younger, one is very young

I'll put up a pic, that would be cool! we could go for a run together, I go out on run/walk intervals with our groom a couple of times a week and get a buzz from her enjoyment of her own progress (if that makes sense)

I have these twin skin sock things which seem to do okay; haven't looked into anything fancier. I went to a running shop to get my shoes as my feet are stupidly wide and they charged me nearly double what the shoes would cost online

But they're one of only two pairs in the whole shop which were wide enough

Oh I'm Surrey.

I'm just impressed by people who work. At all. In any way. I've never had a job due to my basic mental ineptitude.

Glad to hear you're both not near me, no danger of me being your doctor

gratuitous pics of some of the furry ones anyway

am sure you would refer to me as 'this delightful patient' in any correspondence if you were my dr MP :)

Actually I've just realised I am quite impulsive. When I was 16, I went to stay with a 37 year old man who lived in another part of the country who I'd recently met on the internet, who had visited me and we had anal sex in the woods where I lived with my parents. It was supposed to be to see an air show which it turned out wasn't on that year. After a week I rang my auntie and told her I wouldn't be going back home. And that's how I met DP

Lovely horses and a very nice spaniel too. I love horses much and now it's hunting season I'm very excited.

Naturally mitchy

Oh what a beautiful dog! And such lovely horses.

I once saw an old referral letter of mine over a doctor's shoulder in which I was "this poor girl"

I'd be happy to be considered a girl. I'm feeling ancient and decrepit at the moment.

Mental - if you're not male and Asian, you're definitely not my doctor thank gods.

hunting :(

I have to borrow a horse for that, one of mine is too mental it fries his brain, it's basically crystal meth to him and he will be tweaking for weeks, the other is a rodeo machine on a calm day so am not even going to try and am not allowed to take my daughter's pony (even though she has hunted safely before) not allowed to ride her AT ALL in case I heat her up somehow

You link too closely mentally to your horses

Can you beg, borrow or steal for at least one meet?

Don't think I'd get "girl" any more. Doctors are more circumspect now anyway as they know their correspondence is often copied to the patient.