Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

[EnpoTree]

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

Ooh that's quite complex stuff - my mum is much better in biochemistry than me so I might ask her to help me with it (she was accepted on a biochem course with an offer of two Es at A-level after having turned up and rented on at them about her experiments in mouse breeding for half an hour while wearing soggy flares, apparently - the world was a different place back then )

She dropped out when she went mad but still knows far more than I do about this shit

Ranted

Can't actually find the exact article you tried to link me to as it has redirected me to the mobile site and apparently decided that as a lowly mobile site user I do not require the precise page I asked for

So Thumb that's an interesting combination of skills - massage therapy and biochemistry - how does that happen?

Or is reading terrifyingly technical-looking scientific literature a hobby?

No coke at my dinner party just acid and MDMA

a horrible combination which I will never repeat

That sounds like it should've been lovely

How did it go, anyway? Did it go well/you have a nice time with your friends/burn all the food and throw them out in the street screaming "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PILES AND YOU CAN HAVE THE BLOODY CAT!"?

Would love to try acid.

And MDMA.

Not together though.

Have been talking to DP who it seems also suspects I have bipolar disorder and also is anti-medication and agrees with me that we can try to deal with any possible diagnosis of bipolar disorder with therapy and strategies and lifestyle modifications and maybe occasional mild tranquillisers but nothing as severe as clonazepam so it's good to have someone on my side and it looks like I may be able to deal with having BPII (if I have it) and DMII together without having my legs chopped off too soon (though I haven't mentioned the plan to him at all). If that's what I have. Whih we don't know yet.

Perhaps this all seems a little naive bt there must've been people in history and there must be people now who have coped and do cope without anti-whatevers

He has disclosed however that he would like to find out if there is such a thing as anti-Madonnas.

(I thought most of that was through headphones)

What did you serve Mitch?

Is everyone asleep?

Cannabis is really interesting, I think. I find it fascinating that we actually have receptors in our brains for tetrahydrocannabinol - must have some kind of evolutionary point!
I'm currently really really interested in the therapeutic uses of cannabis oil, but for managing epilepsy in some people (specifically those who have multiple fits per day) and for its potential benefits in cancer treatments.

Not in any personal or research way, unfortunately - but in a purely intellectual (and for friends of mine) way.

Aren't they something to do with endocannabinoids?

I take an interest too but more from an MS (and MH) angle.

Oh yes, but why do we produce cannabinoids at all? Or why does the plant produce the same/similar cannabinoids as we do? (chicken and egg stylee)

I can't see the evolutionary advantage to the cannabis plant. I can see the reason for endocannabinoids of course!

it's great to hear you sounding so much more positive about your prospects! I know people with the diagnosis who don't take medication (one is a psychiatrist) and are getting through life ok.

Mostly I don't have to take anything but lithium (the only actual mood stabiliser, other drugs perform that role but they have some other primary purpose - created to treat epilepsy or schizophrenia for example) but I feel much better and much more like me on it than off.

Yes it's all pretty odd, Thumb - wish I knew more about it all really. I do love the fact that we name some of our important brain chemicals like endorphins after drugs this

I've never been fully well as an adult so I don't knowwhat "me" feels like, Mitch.

I've always felt very much like not-me on mood-stabilisers and antipsychotics, though. Slow and stupid. The only benefit is that sometimes it felt easier to only be thinking one thought-string or hearing one piece of head music or seeing one set of head pictures at a time - but then how can you make connections if you can only think one thing?

I already feel brain-damaged by all the years of psych drugs and intellectual stagnation anyway. I feel like the embarrassing, slow one at family gatherings, when everyone else is discussing postgraduate level physics or something and all I have to offer is a joke about George Osborne's hair or something.