Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

[EnpoTree]

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

Like anxiety.

Enpo - I'm up again, further away than the ME, down in the Antipodes.

You are not doing speed-like things to your head. You (your ego, your persona, your mind) are not in control of what is happening - your chemicals are out of whack. It's a biochemical glitch, fixable by adding in more chemicals - less so by "you" because "you" are not the problem. :)

Like I'm currently feeling the calmest I've felt since late morning, much calmer than this afternoon, when I was pacing around in town and shouting at people and jittery and so bloody irritable and scared of some random guy in a shop. So now I'm calm in comparison but have a tense feeling in all my muscles, a full and tight coiled spring turbine sensation in my chest, my hands feel slightly sweaty, and my face and limbs are a little warm, slight tinglrs rushing through me every few seconds, and though I've been sitting still for quite a while (with some effort) my pulse is 70, which is fast for me now - I would expect 55 when watching TV. This is too physical to be in my head; I don't feel anxious so its not that, so I'm wondering about a) hyperthyroidism or b) some kind of environmental poisoning. Which is a bit ridiculous. But definitely could be a hormonal thing. Maybe I could get that checked. Feels like too much adrenaline or cortisol or something. And maybe some oxytocin or something I wish I knew endocrinology

Hello antipodean Thumb! Have crossposted with you! Sorry.

Im not sure I believe in a biochemical model for mood disorders though... And what ifbthis is personality disorder? Though TBF last time I mentioned that to a nurse whonwas at my house she scoffed and just said, "THIS isn't Personality disorder."

But I could get on board with an endocrine logical ezplanation especially with having diabetes...

Endocrinological.

Also my BP is high, especially systolic - consistently over 100 even when relaxed (normal for me is 80/45 to 95/65)

Perhaps I should be posting in general health.

Although... Thumb, do you have some personal experience if these kinds of physical symptoms happening from mental illness? If so id be really ininterested to hear it.

And add me to the list of people who want to know if disco flips are anything like disco biscuits.

Does everyone think Auntie Poads ?

Like Hermy Own. Or SerFOHculs. Or Auntie Gohn. Or Eppy Tome.

My whole family talks like this all the time. For fun. It's kind of odd.

All foreignnwords are deliberately pronounced in the wrong language of origin, words are pluralised using the wrong endings from the wrong languages as a joke, spoonerisms and malapropisms abound - poor DP took quite a while to get used to it. And I assumed all families had these evolved private ways of of speaking, but his family doesn't appear to do it at all

Wimblewimblewimble.

Shittlefuck I just lost an enormous Post! It was about my family.

The Capitalizor Strikes Again.

DP's family say what they mean and never make inappropriate sweary jokes

The first couple of times DP's parents net me I was on a downswing and quite socially anxious and quality et and I think they didn't mind me. The most recent time I was no longer a sixteen year old was older and surer and they didn't appear to like my actual personality I like flamboyantly intellectual people.

Quiet!

Holy crap! I just looked up an eequivalence chart for benzos and the clonazepam tablets the psych gave me are equivalent (more or less) to TWICE the diazepam dosage I was on!

I kind of assumed it was a milder, gentler dose, as I was supposed to take it three times a day on top of zopiclone at night and also it didn't do much except block my energy path.

They're not shy with their benzos, are they?

Anyone want 8mg clonazepam?! (I kid, I kid, I would never distribute controlled medicines)

It's like they want to make addicts

No, I don't personally have any experience of the sort of thing you are dealing with; I have a friend who had some similar behaviours, but that doesn't give me enough insight into what you are going through, nor every other person with his particular condition. However. There are some similar behaviours (he was a bit of a heavy marijuana smoker and had a near breakdown at one point - thought he was having a heart attack! He wasn't - but these aren't the behaviour patterns I'm reminded of in your posts)

If you prefer me not to post because I have no personal experience, just let me know, I promise I won't be offended! :)

But - the biochemical model - some of it, I believe, has good grounds. I'm quite attached to this theory in particular overactive phospholipase A2 in schizophrenia, which isn't in the slightest bit relevant to you but does, IMO, give some back-up to the idea that there is/can be a biochemical basis to some mental health disorders.

something about me makes people want to give me benzos. I've heard ofpeople visiting OOH when desperately anxious and suicidal and getting one 2mg tablet - I visited OOH GPs a couple of months ago when a bit up and got 14x5mg diazepam

No please do post it's really interesting!

I actually told that OOH GP repeatedly that I wasn't anxious, too, but he wrote it on the letter he sent to my GP anyway, along with "pressure of speech", which I now know is code
BTW I'm never normally a drug user; have just used cannabis a couple or three times with my friend "Mavis" since getting back in touch with her recently. Normally I don't even drink or smoke or ANYTHING. Okay, I use caffeine. But nothing else.

Oh schizophrenia is an interesting one - lots of fascinating things going on in the brains of people with schizophrenia that look all kinds of interesting on scans (statistically) but the causality seems very very muddy.