Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

[EnpoTree]

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

Crunchy peanut butter is the only one worth eating.

Marmite on the up other hand is one of the most unpleasant foodstuffs on the planet.

I'm now clean, the table is set, the champagne is chilling, the food is mostly sorted. All I have tondo now is lay off the gin and wait for my guests to arrive.

Sorry for the typo fiesta in that last post, I'm typing on my phone with it's itty bitty keyboard.

Hope you have a good evening!

Oh I'm always on either an iPod touch or an android phone and therefore have two completely different typo profiles and never properly get used to the autocorrect on either one - and both crash and flake out in different ways too, which is interesting. So I didn't even notice any typos in your post

Sunpat used to do this extra-crunchy stuff with caramelised peanut pieces in it. As Brian Cox would say (the sciencey one, not the spooky one), it was amaaaazing.

That sunpat peanut butter sounds amazing. It's waitrose own brand in this house. I eat it out of the jar regularly.

Tesco bog-standard smooth here for the frankly not-really-credible low carb and sugar count on the nutrition label (lower than whole earth etc.), or homemade.

Got some homemade cashew butter I'm eking out, too

I think you have to grow up eating marmite to like it. Trying it for the first time as an adult seems to be a bad idea.

Thankyou all for talking about random shit here this evening. You probably have no idea how much it has helped. The anxiety and irritability i was feeling earlier was horrendous but now I'm just jiggly and planning on spending the evening dancing or going for a run or using my new batteries - same energy but channelled differently. Thank you all so much and sorry I went a bit shit earlier.

Brian cox just looks really shiny to me. Like he's made of wax.

Skippy smooth peanut butter here. Delicious.

He is. He is. Not David Cameron shiny, or even Jimmy Carr shiny. But shiny nevertheless.

Nobody ever buy Sunpat No Added Sugar. It's bitter. Just... How?

Skippy intrigues me but the sugar content looks high.

Meridian almond is almost as good as homemade, but I prefer being able to control the level of roast.

Anyon see Doctor Who?

I wish I could do something productive with all this energy.

It's hot and cold and whooshy and like the feelingbof exhilaration you get when you do something dangerous and get away with it. But ALL THE TIME. kinda hard to get on with the washing up.
But hypomania is supposed to be productive. So it's probably not that.

I know I said I wouldn't mention it again but planning a time/place/method/date/conditions has given me almost permission not to think about it and I kind of am thinking that I don't have to kill myself even if I have bipolar disorder.

Like I'm freed up to not obsess about it.

Right, will shut up about that now.

Im trying to watch an episode of Battlestar Galactica. I usually watch every week but TV recordings have been building up lately as I haven't been able to concebtrate and I'm now several weeks behind broadcast on almost all my programmes.

I have no idea whatsoever about what you're experiencing, apart from the whooshing and unproductive energy is really uncomfortably evocative of times I took speed when I was younger.

Very peculiar and not actually, in hindsight, pleasurable. Felt kind of awesome, and really busy but not in a satisfying way. Needed to be busy and moving, but a bit like one of those dreams where you're trying to run away but can't get one foot in front of the other. Feeling bursting with energy but not making any progress.

Sorry - just waffling.

Skippy is great but you're right, super sugary. Hence its popularity with the children. :)

David Cameron is nasty-shiny. Jimmy Carr looks a bit sweaty. Brian Cox looks like he's made from a massage bar and is in the process of changing from solid state to liquid. I like him on the radio but I find it hard to look at him, though now I feel sorry for being so scathing about him.

Pooka you are a genius and you're making me giggle with your descriptions of poor, mostly- innocent celebrities.

This is what speed feels like? It's been amazing at times but terrible at others - is that the same? Wish I could choose when to feel it tho.

Felt kind of awesome, and really busy but not in a satisfying way. Needed to be busy and moving, but a bit like one of those dreams where you're trying to run away but can't get one foot in front of the other. Feeling bursting with energy but not making any progress.

Yes! A lot like this! In fact exactly like this, sometimes so much I can't move or speak for a few momentd for wanting to do/say ALL the things (to quote Ally Brosh ). But sometimes very pleasurable and exhilarating and euphoric too.

But taking speed is real and whatever I'm doing to my head isn't real How can anything I think to myself have an effect that's anything remotely like speed?

Wondering how people's dinner parties are going and if the cocaine's come out yet

That's what middle-class people do at dinner parties, right?

It comes and goes a bit tho.