Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

[EnpoTree]

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

Its because my first post didn't appear to post so i posted again worded differently which makes it look like an attack.

I'm sorry Mitch. I was short-tempered and you didnt deserve to be snapped at because I disagreed with one thing bthat you said.

Please, please no professional hats mental! I know you're being helpful, but psychiatrists did this to me in the first place and while that wasn't you, it was someone from your profession, and it does rankle a bit to hear it. I mean in the friendliest possible way but I'd prefer not to think of you as a psychiatrist foremost.

Fair enough, I'll take my psychiatrist hat off.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to reject what I know is genuinely meant and probably excellent advice just because of what you said about hats. I seem to be going round trying to make people feel bad and it's not intentional. Even the woman who prescribed the olanzapine in the first place did so thinking it was the best thing at the time so I don't really blame her as such.

Wish I could kick this agitation. I'm sure a lot of the hostility I'm feeling from people in town is because of my pacing and jiggling and twitching.

Its a shame that someone's already written "How To Lose Friends And Alienate People" as I'm sure I could make a pretty good stab at it. "Mavis" isn't replying to me, I have been a bitch to DP all day, and I've been a bitch on here too. Clearly there is something horribly wrong with my character. It's odd because for months/years at a time I have no trouble but then suddenly I'm a raging bitch. I can only say I wholeheartedly apologise to everyone who has been on this thread as there was no way for you to know that I'm apparently a horrible person.

No, there's nothing "wrong" with your character. It's your illness talking, whatever that might be!

Ugh. I just feel horrendous. Sorry guys.

Don't apologise for your feelings though :)

I must go to bed, it's stupid o'clock here and I'm going to pay for it tomorrow...

Goodnight Thumb - I didn't know you weren't in the UK. Sounds like you must be in the Far East or something… sleep well anyway, thankyou for talking with me

I'm still here although I'm trying to make a beef Wellington......

Oh gods please yes Beef Wellington… my mum sometimes does this amazing thing at Christmas instead of a turkey - she calls it boeuf en croute but I think it's the same thing - this massive beef fillet thing, covered in a layer of this chopped mushroom stuff, then encased in pastry. It's always fucking amazing and she's always convinced she'll fuck it up. My mum is the ony person I know who consistently turns out the most amazing food, has almost never made anything inedible (honourable mention for the entire lemon in diet pastry made from a wartime recipe which was the bitterest substance on the planet though) and yet always convinces herself that every dish will be a disaster.

I want Beef Wellington now.

I hope it goes successfully - it's for your dinner party, right?

that's not exactly what I meant but I can see I misjudged my tone and I apologise

am not great at other people talking about suicide so will leave you with genuinely warm wishes x

(don't take that criticism of your posts, is entirely my problem)

I dropped this from somewhere *as

So sorry Mitch - if it helps I have sworn to stop talking about that but I completely understand that you would rather leave the thread and I am very sorry for misinterpreting you and misrepresenting your position. You almost certainly didn't misjudge your tone - I have found that when there is an interpersonal or communicational misunderstanding it is almost always down to my misunderstanding something or misconveying something as I am appallingly bad at understandig other people

Warm wishes for you too and my apologies and thanks

(am hosting a dinner party too! Otherwise might have apologised sooner)

I'm buggered if I'd be making beef Wellington for just the two of us and I'm now wondering why I chose to make it at all. It's so fucking fiddly. Still, my flourless chocolate cake turned out like the picture in the book so that's one win.

Beef Wellington for two sounds like something my DP would tackle with gusto He's currently making low-GI thai sweet chilli dipping sauce using chillis and xylitol and xanthan gum to go with some homemade kebabs made with minced chicken, coriander, coconut flour and lemongrass

The man is mad.

Kudos on the cake. Sounds great.

I've never hosted a dinner party.

TBH I'd probably just go "fuck it", get the local square pizza place to deliver a few square feet of various-flavoured crap, and try to get people drunk/stoned enough that they wouldn't care.

But your way sounds good too.

Your DP sounds like an excellent cook, I'd be happy to eat your menu any time.

My way involves copious champagne and wine