Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

[EnpoTree]

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

No harm asking though, right?

Oh deities I hope I haven't offended you/anyone else.

I can't speak for any deities but I think it'll take more than a bit of sex and vibrator talk to offend most mnetters :)

Hooray.

Nope, not offended (although slightly worried that your yoni needed to heal from overuse! Unless you just had friction burns in which case ah yes, I sympathise)

Just overuse in general and some ill advised lubricants causing soreness, scratches, etc., which left me vulnerable to a mild bout of thrush. So had to be very careful for a couple of days.

Hi enpo, glad to see you're still with us

Hi Mental, no need to be concerned about that at all Don't bother reading back cause it's rambly and verbose but decision made last night to wait until 6th when I see a psychiatrist and if I get a diagnosis of bipolar disorder I do it then (that night obviously, not straight away) - so everything's great now as it's out of my hands and I don't have to stress about making a decision any more

Bipolar isn't the end of the world you know. I mean I'd rather not have it but I lead a fairly normal life when I take my meds. All hell breaks loose when I come off them though.

No, on its own I could manage it but all the medication for it would so adversely affect my BG control that my prognosis would be incredibly poor. Rather not end up blind, legless, and in terrible neuropathic pain, thanks. End-stage diabetes is nasty. And uncontrolled bipolar would be worse.

I know it seems like I'm catastrophising BTW but this is a rational decision which I've made and now I don't have to think about it any more.

Also, you have a normal life in-between episodes. I don't, as I got ill as a teenager and managed not to get any qualifications above GCSE, and have never been stable long enough to get a job.

Just don't do anything hasty is all I'm saying.

Please understand I'm not trying to say that the lives of people with bipolar disorder are not worth living and I'm not trying to devalue your life or those of others with the disorder.

No no haste here. Waiting until the 6th when I hope to get a clear diagnosis.

I would totes kill myself too if someone said I had bipolar

or get a second opinion (actually I did that and they said I had schizoaffective disorder which sounded even worse)

you are being silly

threats to top yourself will probably be mistaken for some kind of characterological issue

what do you want them to say/do anyway?

Don't be silly; I'm not going to tell them.

Any diagnosis which necessitates diabetogenic(?) or obesogenic drugs will be just the same anyway so schizoaffective would be no different.

Fuck. Some bloke just tried to pick a fight with me in Poundworld. Stood out here shakng hoping DP gets out before scary guy so we can go somewhere else.

Fucking hate all this so much. I'm going to go home again.

And don't be ridiculous, it's not, "ooh, got mental illness, gotta top myself". It's the fact I won't be able to control my diabetes AND my mental illness together. Sorry for typos, phone.

TBH I don't think I care if you take the piss Mitch as I know myself that what you've said is ridiculous; it's not a simple case of "ooh, mental, drama, gotta top myself" as you seem to think and I know that as talking on here just seems like attebtion-seeking I will have to find somewhere else I can talk about my fears. From now on no suicide talk.

Just hate all this anxiety and hostility from people. So many hostile people in town.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to attack you, Mitch, it's all coming out wrong. So sorry.

Putting on my professional hat for a second to point out that treating a mental health condition and diabetes are not mutually exclusive. It might just mean that you have to be hyper vigilant about your blood sugars.