Autumn days in the village with lots of support for all kinds of MH problems - depression, anxiety, OCD, psychosis etc

[fluffydressinggown]

Shiny new thread. xx

I finally went to pharmacy to collect new prescription. I am taking this medicine for bad feeling I am suffering, too. I hope this higher dose helps. I don't think it will affect my ring of love though.

Clever cat vic, mine just brings me pouches of cat food and puts my sachets of diet shakes in his litter tray!
Ds had another good day, peed himself twice but when I asked him why he said there was big boys in the toilet and he was too scared to go, they share toilets and playground with the year above. I've told him to just say excuse me and go to the toilet.
They've made a special board for "amazing work done at home" and ds writing is center top pride of place, it's the only thing there so far but I'm proud none the less.

I've been a bit flat today, got no energy just want to lay down and not get up for a year or two but no chance. Had a few cries too, I think it's a combo of yesterday's therapy and due on. I feel worse than useless I've not even managed to watch the gbbo yet!

I cannot do this. I cannot bare this.

Tell someone fluffy, you're so strong and we need you here. Xx

Hi fluffy I've been lurking but not posting. Time in hospital goes so very very slowly, doesn't it? I have found talking to other patients can help a bit. And half my time was spent trying to get someone to get me cigs - had money, but was not allowed off the ward - so that helped to pass the time.

They had blooming R2 and other middle-of-the-road radio stations on the whole time - am sure this made me worse - before I got better.

So I've caught up with the thread at last. Still quite nervous as I find this kind of thing difficult to keep track of. So apologies in advance for any blunders, appearing to ignore people/posts, interrupting, etc.

So, to introduce myself, I have had depression pretty much my whole life, I was first diagnosed at 14 after revealing historic abuse, but I am certain I have suffered since way before then. I am also, I strongly suspect, on the autistic spectrum, as a lot of the issues I have predate the abuse. However when I had an appt with a psychiatrist he was really dismissive and insisted it was all related to abuse (all he really did for the entire 60min appt was ignore me and read my notes from adolescent unit inpatient stay when I was self harming/ODing and at crisis point - ten years earlier! Things are totally different now!). It was only when I broke down at the end and rambled through many of my issues that he decided I have OCD.

He said he'd refer me but I never heard from them again. Then I got even more physically unwell - I have CFS/ME and postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) and haven't felt able to chase any of this up.

Long story short (ha! ) I am now basically unsupported in terms of my mental health. I had a run of 30 sessions up at St Bart's for my ME, which included some psychotherapy/CBT and mindfulness, but am no longer with them. I am not taking any medication or having any therapy.

I'm safe, I don't SH anymore although I occasionally want to. My problems now manifest themselves in utter hopelessness and apathy, I am barely functioning beyond the bare minimum. I am in pain and physically exhausted from my illness, and mentally exhausted from the continuous panic I feel about everything and nothing. I am no longer coping at work :( I feel nothing but dread when I go in and spend the whole shift watching my back in case I make a mistake.

Feeling like a worthless non-entity, basically.

So that's me. Hello

Hugs, fluffy, please tell someone, they want to help xx

Weegie mum hi, I had no idea you suffered with MH problems as well. I don't even know if the Spoons thread is still going, I keep trying to go back but just can't make myself post and keep up :( I know it's anxiety that makes it impossible for me. I still think about everyone though.

Glad to hear you're taking it, thornbird

Hi nethuns - how are things?

Here for you fluffy, keep talking to them, you can do it.

Welcome fuzzpig You're not a worthless nonentity.

Congrats to your DS, spidey

How are you to everyone?

Thanks snowy :)

I am of your maths studies BTW. I was doing a degree with the OU, mostly in maths, had to drop out when I got ill and am now on restricted status which means I can never study with them again :( I'd love to do a degree someday but sort of trying not to think about it IYSWIM, I know I'm not physically well enough yet let alone mentally (of course that begs the question - will I EVER be well enough mentally... Hmm)

On a lighter note if you ever want to talk maths then I'm here - I can't remember the names of the modules I completed at level one but at level two I completed M208 I think it was called? Pure maths?

I loooove maths. :)

So sorry so many of us are struggling today.

Keema I can see your sense of humour is still intact and I'm taking that as a good sign, but rats in the house........dear god I am terrified of rats - would have to vacate the premises if they appeared in my house. I've had friends who have had them in the loft, coming up from a drain (covered by a manhole) and up the drain pipes.........yuk.

Quite how Vicar has them as pets I just don't know - I am assuming you are on your retreat so am not talking to you directly - she has them in the bathroom FGS when she is in the bath and lets them crawl all over her. Vicar I always shudder when you post about your "ratty girls" as you so fondly call them!

Snowy - am sure it must be hellish difficult for you to lose weight given the fact that you are unable to exercise, so I don't think you should worry too much. Have you seen the adverts for this fat binding this (forget what it's called) but your supposed to lose up to 3 times the weight when taking this, when you are dieting.

My friend's daughter sells these Forever Living products (it's an American company) and keeps trying to get me to go on this Clean 9 regime - it involves 9 days and for the first three days you drink some revolting looking "shake" and take bees pollen (yes I know!) and aloe vera gel (which apparently tastes revolting) but she says you soon get used to it - yeah right! Then after day 3 you do the same but adding 2 x 600 cal meals a day. The weight loss is around 7-10lbs and you lose inches from your fattest parts. Oh and it costs £100! She keeps asking me what is putting me off............tricky one that!!!

Fluffy sorry you're feeling so crap. Have you found anything to distract you this afternoon. I sympathise - as Silvery says time on a psych ward goes oh so slowly. Nice to see you Silvery and hope you're doing ok.

Oh fuzzpig - I don't know what to say. Your story is SO sad and to suffer from a debilitating condition like ME as well as mental health issues just isn't fair - I don't know what POTS is but will look it up but I'm sure whatever it is you could well do without it.

Are you on meds for your mental health issues? Have you been diagnosed with anything - it doesn't seem right that you are unsupported for your mental health. Did you agree about the OCD. The psych sounds a right pratt - I saw one like that too. Dear god they're paid enough - the least they can do is show some interest in us and treat us like we are human.

Have you ever had EMDR or RE-Wind therapy for the past abuse. It's just that people on these threads speak very highly about it. And you manage to work with all that you have to bear - do you have children, hope you have a supportive DH/DP.

Hi Spidey sorry you're struggling too - me too feeling flat today and tired, achey and nauseous - been eating toast and ginger biscuits and drinking Lucozade. My headmonster plays such damn tricks on me. I woke up this morning feeling ok and was reading the paper when I fell asleep again (which is unusual) and then woke up feeling flat and empty and still tired. Am babysitting for my neighbours tonight - they have 3 young children (one with special needs) and the are struggling with working/childcare etc. The mom is I suspect heading for depression - she has a responsible job and works pretty much full time - it's so hard for them.

Sorry if I've forgotten anyone x

I'm sorry to hear that, fuzzpig - I didn't realise that existed. Thanks for the offer of help, you may be hearing from me.

I can't keep putting on weight though, today I've had 1336 kcal, which is better, but still 136 kcal over my goal. Those products do sound revolting! They all say you have to have permission from your GP though.

I'm sorry the headmonster is back at you, NN

Sorry keema - I didn't see about the rats, horrible.

Noooooo, they're pet husky rats!!

They're extremely cute with amazing large ears.

I ought to explain. We have pet rats, although just one old boy now. We let them have an explore in the living room and they chewed through pretty much every cable in the room. How they didn't electrocute themselves is a mystery, but it's a lesson learned as they weren't allowed to roam free again.

They're called husky rats as they have the same colouring as husky dogs and are very intelligent and fluffy pets.

DP is away for the weekend. It's just me and my animals.

I'm doin. The tesco ultraslim shakes, it's basically cheaper and tastier slimfast. Not only have I lost a stone but I only eat once a day so it's a lot easier at breakfast and lunchtime when I really can't be bothered to make an effort and it's helped by the fact that the fluoxetine has destroyed my appetite so when I get to my one meal a day I'm not even that hungry. Xx

The chocolate ultraslim shakes are very tasty.

Husky rats! Awww I had four dumbo boys, big flappy ears and snuggly gorgeousness. I miss them sitting on my shoulders to watch tv and snuffling in my ears and to those ratty phobics they lived in my bedroom and I used to kiss them goodnight, they came for a snuggle and licked my lips (gross I know but show me a fluffy and I go all squishy)
I miss my rats, we're down to three fish from 20 and have dave the cat who I suspect has behaviour problems, sometimes he'll snuggle you and be really loving other times he relentlessly attacks and this morning dove at ds while he was on the potty and did a face higher impression while biting the top of his head, I had to grab him by the scruff and lock him in the outhouse.

Sweet caramel are my favorites.

Arggghhhhh everything is pissin me off today! We've had a flooded glass room thanks to the shitload of rain we got earlier. Landlord has not got round to building whatever he needed to stop water coming in from garden into the glass room I've just about managed to clear it all up but the place stinks of flood water type smell. Getting DD to school was a nightmare which has taken all my energy anyway. My mum spend the whole day insisting I shouldn't have shouted at DD first thing even though she was mis behaving. Now I keep thinking spiders and other creepy crawlies have got in the house just taken my meds and had a cig to calm my nerves!!! Long night ahead

We want a cat, but it's not the right time right now.

Sorry haven't read the thread today ((( hugs ))) to all x

Ooh, rats. I would freak out if I saw an uninvited pest but as pets I wouldn't mind - actually I really want a degu! I think they are gorgeous. We can't have pets in this house though, it's tiny, and basically a hovel because we just can't keep on top of things.

Vicar you probably won't read this until after but I wanted to say I hope you have a lovely time on your retreat. I quite fancy the idea - my friend has been on two different ones (one of which wouldn't even allow books or anything like that!) and felt they were beneficial I think.

NN I'm not actually entirely sure what my diagnosis is TBH. The anxiety is something I only became aware of in the last couple of years. The thing is it has been such a part of me for so long that I didn't even realise it was a 'thing' IYSWIM? Worry and panic is my baseline :( but because I wasn't catastrophising the big obvious stuff I didn't really see it as anxiety - so when for example I had a psychological assessment as part of the ME clinic diagnosis, it wasn't picked up on, as when he asked me if I worry about bad things happening all the time, I said no! Oops. And further back, when I went into hospital at 15, the abuse was the focus so all my social phobias and worries weren't dealt with then either.

Anyway no I'm not on any medication ATM. I have tried so many ADs and nothing has shifted it. Now I'm wondering if maybe because anxiety is the bigger issue than depression. I don't know.

The OCD could be a correct diagnosis (it's not even official, he said a psychologist would have to do it officially) or it could be Aspergers, TBH it could well be both as they are often comorbid - they could both explain different aspects of my problems.

I have a lovely DH, he is now working basically 6 days a week though which is what has triggered this latest relapse (both mental and physical) because I need to do more at home and with the DCs.

I haven't tried EMDR or rewind, I will have a read up. The abuse itself isn't really an issue anymore, I dealt with it a lot in my first run of therapy as a teen, and now I'm sort of healthily detached from it IYSWIM? I can recognise it as bad, I can talk about it easily and understand all the feelings that resulted from it. However what stays with me is how it was dealt with (or not ) by my parents - I have never felt so unimportant as when my mum begged me not to prosecute (her brother). TBH though my childhood was pretty dysfunctional anyway even without the abuse.

By the way POTS is something many haven't heard of and I barely understand it myself :o the explanation I give is that when I'm upright, say if I just stand up after sitting/lying, my blood pressure drops really low, and my heart rate rockets really high. The outcome is dizziness and I'm liable to faint. On bad days I can't stand for more than a few seconds and it takes at least half an hour for me to be able to get out of bed as I have to take it slowly. :)

Fuzzpig if you fancy studying without the commitment. Take a look at a website called coursera - loads of university level courses. Basicslly online degree modules. No qualifications but free! I did one on bioinformatics. Fried my head

Hi fuzzpig

They know how I feel.

Nice to see you silvery xx