Help

[HugAndRoll]

Help I am having a mental breakdown. I need help. I've been self harming, have a plan to kill myself but not a timeline. I have a GP appointment on Friday but I don't think I can wait that long. I don't know what to do.

I posted a little while ago under a name change slipperyslopetodestruction but I can't be bothered to change now. I don't care anymore.

My mind and heart feel damaged beyond repair. The only real life person who truly understands clearly (and very understandably) needs a night or so off from my contact. I'm finding myself more and more reliant on them to get me through the day which is completely unfair.

Everyone's lives would be so much easier if I just disappeared. I'm actually wishing I didn't have children so I could. As it is I will have to be miserable for the rest of my life so that I don't hurt anyone. It's killing me.

Part of the reason I personally did not mention your marriage, is because you seem very mixed up. And like you say, it is hard to then work out which things are causing you real pain, and which seem difficult right now but just seem like that because of your illness.

That was one of the reasons for me suggesting you have a few days away. It helps people to sort out the wood from the trees.

And a break, both physical and mental is beneficial.

I wouldn't be allowed to do that though, or at least I'm too afraid to ask. I just can't go on feeling like this.

I'm going to try and speak to my mum. She's a busy lady so doesn't have much time but I need to speak to her.

I'm seriously thinking about who I can ring to have ds2 and pick ds1 up from school so I can take an overdose.

I have 35 fluoxetine tablets, 2 diazepam, 24 paracetamol, 7 ibuprofen with codeine, 18 600mg ibuprofen and 18 sleeping tablets. Would that be enough?

Hug, please call the Samaritans. You are not alone. Your DC need you.

I've cut myself but asked a friend to come over. I also text my dsis who gave me a bit of tough love. I just see it as my only way out.

It's not your only way out, it is just your depression making you feel that it is. Glad you have someone coming over.

Fluffy is right. It is not the only way out. Can you call your crisis team? Maybe your friend or DSis could call them for you.

I am wishing you strength to get through this.

I'm seeing my mum tomorrow morning. I don't have a crisis team. I went to the crisis team who told me to go on some courses and if they don't help to go back to my GP.

My friend kept me company until we had to pick the older children up from school. Ds1 has a friend over now, the noise is nice.

What hasn't helped today is ds1's teacher telling me about the frankly ridiculous new IEP targets she's putting in place. Polter I'm going to dip my toe into the G&C because I can't think straight but they seem pretty crap.

Have you got a start date for your courses? You can beat this hug, we believe in you.

Next Wednesday it starts. It can't come soon enough!

I bet! Less than one week. You can do it.

Thank you. H offered to move out for a couple of days to give me some space. I said I don't know.

How are you feeling today Hug?

Hi there HugAndRoll

We're so sorry to hear your feeling this way. We'd like to echo the kind folks on this thread and suggest you find some help in real life, you might find some useful links in our mental health webguide.

Wishing you the very best

Thank you.

He's gone to his mum's for now. We don't know what the future holds. I confronted my mum about the abuse in my childhood today which was rather cathartic. I just feel drained.

Not wonder you feel drained.

Lots of things happening.

Lots indeed. I'm lying in bed now but doubt I'll get much sleep.

Hi Hug.

Confronting your mother must have taken guts - good for you. I'm glad it was cathartic.

Did you sleep?

polter he works away sometimes anyway so ds1 thinks that's where he is.

I think I've managed to fuck up my one truly close friendship by saying something stupid. I feel very alone today.