Help

[HugAndRoll]

Help I am having a mental breakdown. I need help. I've been self harming, have a plan to kill myself but not a timeline. I have a GP appointment on Friday but I don't think I can wait that long. I don't know what to do.

I posted a little while ago under a name change slipperyslopetodestruction but I can't be bothered to change now. I don't care anymore.

It doesn't help that I have horrendous insomnia. I'm too alone with my thoughts at night.

Sorry, Hug, I fell asleep. Maybe that's something else the GP can help with.

Not eating much of the right foods can have a number of effects, including feeling fat and not wanting to eat much, low energy, insomnia, depression, etc. I've experienced this myself and it is amazing what a difference it can make to be getting the full range of vitamins and minerals and foods that you need.

It might be a good idea to take a multivitamin. If you're looking at a separation from your husband, you'll need the energy. There are some good courses on wellbeing etc which you might be able to access in your area. Also counselling, to talk it through with someone one to one.

Separation and divorce is far better than suicide, yes. Getting well might be enough for you to see things differently and give you the strength you need to live a fuller life and get the help you need to make life better.

Guess who is getting a Mother's Day lie in. Clue - not me.

I'm so sorry you didn't get a mothers' day lie in and you feel alone at night. That's a horrible feeling.

If I can't sleep I think about all the other people who might be awake (mums feeding babies, people on shift work, postmen etc.) and if makes me feel less alone. I also try and visualise every detail of my ideal house/job/wardrobe etc. bit shallow but it cheers me up and I fall asleep.

I hope tomorrow is helpful and things become more peaceful for you soon.

Thank you. I'm feeling very disconnected from the world today, like I'm not really here. If only that were true.

I've been thinking about writing a note. To say sorry I can never be what everyone needs. To apologise for being so selfish. To say goodbye.

Hug please call Samaritans again.

No one can ever be everything everyone wants them to be, it is impossible. We just have to be ourselves.

I am sure your DC would rather have any version of you they could than not have you at all. Maybe they are too little to tell you how much they love and appreciate you but they will one day.

Can you put a film on to distract yourself? Or play a silly phone game like candy crush?

I can't because I don't feel I can talk around h. Everything just seems so pointless, I feel worthless. I have become an emotional vampire, I only have one person I want to talk to and I can't be a burden to them anymore.

My children deserve more than me, everyone does.

I think some people email them, if that's something you feel you could do?

I'm so sorry you feel worthless and that you don't have anyone you can talk to. It sounds horrible.

You are not worthless, you are ill. It probably doesn't feel like it but you can get better. Things will be better.

I know it's not the same but you can talk to us.

Thank you for your support, although I don't deserve it.

How was your appointment Hug?

How are you Hug? [I was briefly on your other thread].
Also, are you the poster that has a close male friend that sometimes is able to listen to you?

You are in a bad place right now, and everything, and I mean everything will seem worse.

I am of the opinion that you need more people to talk to. Especailly as your husband and mother are not able to at present.

Hi all. Thank you for your support. The appointment was ok, although I didn't get to talk as much as I thought.

I do have a close friend I can talk to but don't want to take the piss.

It's been suggested I go on an ACT course and a self esteem course. If they don't help they're going to mess around with my meds.

H has been trying really hard this week, I need to give him kudos for that.

I'm so pleased your DH is being more supportive and that the crisis team were (a bit) helpful.

Saw this article in today's independent about sleeping and thought of you.

That's really interesting. I'm having another down day as I'm alone with ds2, I seem to need people around me at the moment.

I think we can all have too much time alone. I am of the opinion that it doesnt do many people much good.

To the extent that, I dont intend to live alone if I can help it. Intend to rent with someone, or have a lodger.

I feel really down again. I hate being in my house, it doesn't feel like home anymore. I don't know why, I can't shed this pit of fear in my stomach, like if I drop my guard everything will revert back to how it was and I will be trapped again.

I dont think that it is healthy for you to spend hours alone without company.

Have you someone you can stay with for a day or two?

Oh no! Why doesn't the house feel like home? Is there any thing that would make it feel more homely?

I'm seeing a friend tomorrow but she has no idea what's going on.

There are lots of reasons the house doesn't feel like home but I'm so messed up I have no idea which are proper reasons and which aren't. I will explain everything in detail tomorrow when it's not so late.