Is anyone around? I feel like I need to talk about my counselling session today.

[mosp]

I don't really know if this is the 'done thing', but I still feel quite shaky about it.

So glad you got a decent nights sleep. I love listening to audiobooks, I find it very relaxing and gives something for my mind to think about whilst drifting off to sleep.

Really glad you managed to leave all the bad things out of your mind and just focused on having fun with the kids. I bet you feel a lot better for it.

I hope today is another good day for you, as well as the next. :)

Someone else just posting to say hi, and hoping you have a nice weekend. I can't seem to do smileys, but have a virtual one.

Thank you terror and angel!

I don't deserve such kindness from strangers on the Internet!

Wishing you all peaceful and happy weekends :)

I am not having a counselling session until the week after next (cancelled for half term) so I'm hoping to stay a I've water until then at least.

My main worry atm is that my sister is coming to stay. She normally lives abroad and has requested to watch downton abbey on catch up. I have been warned against it by a friend and I DON'T want to watch it, nor explain why. My sister doesn't know about my phobia word. I'm so scared!! Don't know what excuse to make! She is staying for a week.

Well we can cope without counselling together then because I've had to give up my counselling session to for this must-do-high-stress daily task I have taken on. I dont know when I will get another counsellor!

Is there some way you can get your sister to watch Downton without you...or invite the right friend for a girly night to watch it and you pop to the kitchen for drinks and nibbles for the last 20 minutes (while your friend explains to your sister about the word)?

yego - how long will this daily task last? Won't you be able to get the same counsellor back afterwards? You are being really brave (in my opinion).

Re DA, I just don't want to watch it at all, or have anyone explain anything. I just want this to all go away :( The only thing I can think to do is to downright refuse to watch it, and also refuse to give any explanation. I know that makes me really unreasonable, but any alternative at all is too triggering.

Could be months, could be years. I think you're right, it was brave of me to sign up to it! (but there is no one else.)

So don't watch Downton. That's the plan. Or watch the older episodes from the previous series, if she has to and not that. Or just say you won't watch it. And have other things to watch ready.

I will try...but it will be easier said than done. She has seen all the last three series (as have I) and is most looking forward to series 4...

She'll be here at about midnight, so hopefully the issue won't come up until tomorrow.

How did it go yesterday, mosp?

All is fine. Lovely being with my sister :)

I prayed she would just not mention the DA thing again, and she hasn't. Quite a miracle! There is no way she can have found out the story line (as far as I know) so it's amazing!!

Wonderful! Its good to hear you are having a nice time.

Just to update, all is ok in mosp house. My sis didn't mention DA, even a hint. It was amazing! She left yesterday at 3am.
I'm just hanging in there until Wednesday when I see counsellor again. Might be back then!!
How are you yego and terror and angel and others?

Mosp how are you doing?

Thank you for asking :)

I am alright. The counselling is still hard work and enlightening (in a painful way). I learned still more from my diary yesterday. She always reads it for an hour or so before I arrive, and then informs me of relevant nuggets. It is still SO embarrassing!!!

Also, she read to me the legal definition of my phobia word (of course, I've never been able to do that), which clarified matters but also opened up hundreds of questions which I would love to be able to discuss more widely, maybe on mn (but can't, for fear the 'word' might come up).

God that must be quite crippling, I have no experience of phobia. And a catch 22 when you clearly can't say/type it to avoid anyone using it. Why do you feel so embarrassed about the diary? Is it because you were younger when you wrote it do you think?

Yes, it is crippling :( I can't discuss or read anything that may use that word. So, I'm kind of trapped!

Diary is only embarrassing because it is a private diary and obv never intended to be read by anyone other than me! Ironic that I can't actually read my own words now (because I wrote my own phobia word before the phobia developed)! In fact, I always intended to make a clear will that no one may read my diaries until I have been dead long enough that no one remembers me personally!

She is lovely about it though. Said that some parts make her smile (like one day where I'm writing about how much I hate my knees )

Again, thank you for asking. Were you on this thread before (under another name)?

How weird, I was there from the beginning and thought I had posted but must have just lurked, unsure of what to say. Saw your thread this evening and wondered how you have been since DSis left. Sorry to randomly post after the event.

I think it sounds really positive, you saying 'hard work and enlightening in a painful way'. I always imagine it being a bit like having to have a limb rebroken so it can be set straight. But my experience carried probably only a fraction of the trauma you have been through (I know I am comparing apples with pears but still).

No, it's lovely of you to ask. I just wondered if we'd spoken before, that's all :)

I must admit, most of the time when I let myself think about it, I truly believe that I will never get better. It feels like I'm stuck because of a) the amnesia, and b) the inability to say, hear, write or read a certain word. And, I have so far never ever met anyone else who has 'word phobia' (which makes me feel completely weird).

By the way, I started this thread the day mn went mad because of penisbeaker. Maybe you did try to post, but it didn't work :)

Ha ha yes good point. MN has been more mental than usual busy lately. I've not long come back after a good 2+ years out, I do remember your NN from then but didn't 'know' you - I am not a natural in the forum environment I don't think!

Based on your thread it sounds to me like you are making amazing progress. When something is so embedded/blocked out it will take a loooong time to chip away at. You are being extremely brave you know. When I was suffering with undiagnosed PND I was frightened to let anything out as I just thought I would completely fall to bits. So you are being brave to keep going back and confronting this each week. Just keep showing up and you will get there.

Apparently you are not alone, as it has a proper name, and everything:

Onomatophobia- Fear of hearing a certain word or of names.

(I would have italicised that but no idea where the pointy uppy things are on keyboard)

Ah, thank you :) Are you better now? I can't imagine what PND must be like. I was thankfully spared that horror!
Re the phobia, I meant that I've never met anyone (in rl or on here) with any experience of it. Did you know the name of it already, or did you just google??

The pointy uppy things are above the number 6, by the way.
Going to bed now! Should have gone hours ago!

No I googled out of interest! I am ok now but definitely have ups and downs - staying up past my bedtime is one of my issues

thank you for the tip re the pointers you have changed my life

Sorry realised on my other thread I should ask you here rather than there - how are you?

I was thinking the very same thing as I typed out my reply!