I have depression and anxiety after a breakdown earlier this year due to leaving my abusive DH. I was very ill for a while, but now I am recovering. However, I am still not coping. I put on a brave face and get on with things as much as I can but just feel useless. I had to take dd on a train this morning, the journey took longer than expected and by the time I got her to the childminder I was almost in tears and so anxious I had to sit in a bus stop and calm down.
My house is a mess, but the whole thing is just overwhelming and I don't know where to start. Most days I don't eat until DP comes home- I know I should but I go and look in the fridge and just can't work out what to have and it's all too much so I just have a cup of tea.
The GP has been lovely, I am on anti depressants at the maximum dose, and they have helped, but they just say to wait until I feel better, there is nothing else they can do. I just don't know how to cope until then, it has been months and I am still just useless, I can't cope. I am still suicidal on bad days, self harming (which I haven't done since I was about 13 and makes me feel like a ridiculous melodramatic teenager) and feel awful. I am being a rubbish mum to dd and there doesn't seem to be any help.
I have done nothing today- hoovered one room and then was exhausted. I am now in the bath trying to make myself feel a bit more human by washing my hair, but I have just been staring into space for ages and I have to pick up dd from the childminder and I have no idea how I am going to get up and dressed and out of the house. How on earth do other people do this, why is it so bloody hard!? I used to be able to do it, but I can't remember how.