roll up for the village fete! move to our village if your 'fete' is to be happy!

[ThatVikRinA22]

6th thread folks....

keep talking/posting.

Hello norky

Don't see it as failure, see every time you do it as a success :)

Very wet and gloomy here...

I'll have what you're having, snowy :)

norky have you got the right rainwear? It makes such a difference. Mind you, I always seemed to end up driving them to school

hi all
just checking in to say hi really - not getting much time to read the thread.

put my experiences to good use yesterday as picked up a missing person who was on a section 3 and we had a lovely chat, i gave them some advice and felt awful for the way they have been treated, actually appalled at the way some hospitals handle patients on a section.

this person was truly lovely. complex diagnosis, and another learning curve for me - they had all sorts of warning markers against them, staff at the hospital were saying it took many people to "restrain" them.....

i found this person lucid, polite, eloquent, and very very sweet. In fact i have been thinking about them a lot today, and wondered if it was crossing a professional line if i visited them.....i could have truly taken them home with me.

mental illness is hard going but i think whats harder is how people with serious or complex mh issues are treated in the system.

I agree Vicar but be careful to keep the personal and professional separate (I constantly fail at this) You are so good, and by your compassion and personal insight into her situation you made a huge difference to that person. Trouble is you probably don't know the whole story.Very revealing that she was a complex case. You are so good at your job, you take it to the next level

Hi all, battling through today somewhat. Started painting this morn but don't like the colour! Too pink!

Had to stop so dh could go with his dp to hosp as he's not been well. They're still there tho making a bit more progress now - looks like some sort of viral infection of the joints?

Baked cake with kids, did some crafty stuff, popped into town to buy some food for tea, now back and feeling rather knackered!

Also its going to take a while to get the room finished as we're out tomorrow. Was relying on a long day today. Oh well.

How's everyone else doing?

Hugs to all

sorry to intrude in the village, havent posted here for a while.
but just need a chat and didnt want to start another thread.

have had some horrid days, not getting out of bed til late morning, then getting dressed and laying back in the bedroom or sofa whilst dd gets on with it! having zero motivation or energy, on thursday i was delighted that i woke up and wanted to get out of bed. silly but it makes life so much easier.

today i got up with more motivation and got loads done that i havent been able to get round to, i actually thought the depression was lifting abit and even smiled.
then all came crashing down this evening when i lost my temper with the dc's cos the house was messier then id like it to be. i wanted my dd to be asleep earlier then she was, i felt like i was suffercating with thoughts, thinking im too clean to be a mum, to give them up. panickingthat i was going to beat them up if i dont calm down! their just kids for god sake! whats wrong with me.

i sent a text to my partner (lives with his mum) saying 'i hate life, i hate kids, i hate trying to keep my head straight, i hate breathing!' then felt guilty for what i said. my thought now are to hurt myself, cut myself?

im sorry, shouldnt of put that here

oh mouses im sorry your are feeling so fraught - of course you can post that here - this is a safe place to vent whatever you are feeling.

do you have any coping mechanisms to prevent cutting?

you are allowed to have thoughts that are bad with regards the kids/house- the important thing is that you didnt act on them. Congratulate yourself on that, dont beat yourself up so much.

forgive me because i cant remember what support you have - but enlist it. What is it that motivates you to cut? is it guilt? you have nothing to feel guilty for - you have internalised your feelings and not taken them out on the kids - i think thats a huge achievement. now not cutting will be another.

i hope you are ok.

i have turned a corner, professionally.
i am actually enjoying my work. My sgt said tonight that i am throwing myself in fearlessly to situations that most people would be asking for back up at - im not daft but i am taking as i find - if i find i need help i will shout for it.

i had to contact someone who has had very bad experiences with the police force tonight - they said i was that nice lady who does not sound like a police officer.....

and the thing is - im really comfortable with that for the first time. it works for me.
i had to attend the hospital of the person with the mh issues i had picked up the other day - i felt they had that person labelled - i found them to be totally different to what they said - they said they were dangerous - not for me that day they werent.
it was a man, not a woman. i engaged really well with him, and he said i was kind.
i am kind. and i think that its something lacking in the police force at times and it works for me - being kind, soft, gentle, people are hard pushed to be aggressive toward me.

i feel like have really found my feet and i dont care what others say - i can handle things in my own way and it works for me. ive stopped worrying that im doing it all wrong - ive started to just go with what i feel.
its taken a long long time to feel comfortable but i am, and im actually enjoying this new found sense of self in what i do.

i no longer get anxious. i just turn up and see what goes. went to a group of lads tonight fighting - on my own. the fear i had and the anxiety i felt has left me.
if i need help i wouldnt hesitate to shout for it - but so far, ive not needed it. i think thats because i am the way i am. i am starting to see that its not a bad thing that needs to be altered - more that if more people handled things as i do they would get better results.

progress i think.

No you don't need to hurt yourself or cut yourself.

You did a lot of good stuff and got wound up like most parents do. Did you hurt your kids? No you didn't.

It's the people that don't feel bad, don't feel guilty and most of all don't stop themselves from crossing the line who are a worry.

My child ( said through gritted teeth) has been up since 4.40 this morning, whilst being really tired. It's crazy and I sometimes want to just shake him and say 'If your tired just go to bloody sleep' but I wouldn't do that, I still think it but not doing it makes me a parent

Be a bit kinder to yourself

why is it that when i am on the up something has to bring me down?

a relative i speak to on FB has messaged me to say my unhinged and errant family have decided they now want my address......

ive asked her not to give it.
ffs.

I know the feeling vicar, my family is always doing the same to me :(

vicar, i dont think i have any strategies for coping. thanks for talking,

sorry some one has brought you down, hope you feel better x

Vicar - don't let them bring you down - you have shown that you can rise above things and you have to do this with your family, tell the friend not to pass on the address and tell her/him to tell them that you have said no, you do not want contact.

mouses, you are a good parent - we all have shouty days, we do.

Hugs to all - im very up and down but i think more up than down, my counsellor said i sat taller, its funny what a hair cut to do - thank GOD it looked ok! Start my voluntary job tomorrow - should be interesting, i think. very nervous

mouses, could talking on here be a coping strategy? going for a walk? just to get away from the situation that is stressing you or walking off some of the excess adrenalin that the anxiety causes? I still get urges to cut and hurt but i haven't succumbed to them, thankfully - i tend to get the urge to run (which i should obey i might lose some weight!!)

it does help to talk to people who can relate or understand. if i go out for a walk i wouldnt come back! i used to walk the dog but rehomed him cos i was taking my anger out on him so he is safe now with my sister!

its horrible when the urge to cut or harm my self imerges, last night my wrist were heavy and cold and were asking to be cut! i know it sounds insane! i scratched myself with closed scissors and pointed tweezers until it broke the skin

(((Hugs))) mouses that sounds tough. Can you distract yourself at all when those urges come or take it out in another way - a friend of mind smashes plates!

lem wishing you loads of luck and support for tomorrow.

I am back to the painting!

Hello all, am okay today. Doing everything I need to do which is a bit of a triumph. Lots of filling in forms and sending them off and phoning tax credits and stuff that usually gives me the fear... To be honest it HAS given me the fear but I took a Valium to curb it.

I've a meeting in a few minutes to discuss my idiocy on Friday at work... Then the hv is coming to check the house and take my eldest through a progress test.

I've actually done ALL the washing... Which is amazing and I got accepted for a bank overdraft which I am pretty shocked about.

Might suggest we celebrate tonight :)

Hi Guys, the volunteering fell through which i am disappointed and relieved about in the same dose really. The guy i saw wasns't there this morning so no one knew i was going in and to be honest it was clear that it wasn't for me. People standing around scratching heads mostly - i think it would have dragged me down. I got an email from the lady from age concern so i am going to give her a call. Having to chase someone who owes DP about a grand is not fun either. Am holding it together though - just.

Hope you are all ok - filee, you are NOT an idiot!

Mouses, hang in there

CiQ - yay re the painting :)

Sorry about the volunteering lem must have been so disappointing after building up like that.

I did not get fired today :) beaming

Another week of the crisis team is forecast, but I am slowly getting there. How is everyone?

Im not doing so hot, got a leter from a debt company for a debt that is over 8 years old, i had totally forgotten about it - student overdraft :( Am going to ignore it and see if they contact me to demand the money, i don't own anything (everything in dp name) and i don't have any earnings, so they will have to have a minimum payment - may hand over to debt management company. DPs old boss still not paid him - so we are owed £960 and probably wont get it :( DP is waiting for me to go to tesco, am feeling sick at the thoguht of it - fuck, why do i have to keep crashing When am i going to get some control over my life.

I'm so sorry LEM I hope they don't demand too much

lem I'm so sorry you are struggling :( I owe an old phone bill £300 and everything has gone silent which is rubbish, I know it's going to hit me just when I don't need it to.

Hi all.

snowy really glad to hear you're making a bit of headway.

filee sounds like a really productive day - great stuff.

lem sorry to hear about volunteering and money stress. Sounds rubbish.

I have crashed today. Sooo hard to get out of bed this morning. Did get some decorating done but feeling knackered and head completely overwhelmed again. And just fed up of not seeming to be able to function normally - its like I need one day in bed a week, or lie-ins til 9 every morning which is clearly not realistic!