I've had enough, it's all just too hard.

[CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss]

I'm not even sure why I'm posting really as I feel so far beyond help

I don't know where to start. Everything is a mess. I'm 25 weeks pregnant with dc2. She wasn't planned, but a happy accident. Anyway me and pregnancy really don't mix, I'm having to self catheterise (well dp has to do it for me as I can't) I have constant water infections, always in pain, the list goes on.
I have ptsd from things that happened to me in my past (8-9 years ago) and everything that's happening because of the pregnancy has made it worse. I can't sleep, I'm having panic attacks, I can barely even leave the house.
Dp is being fab but I feel so guilty. He has had to cut his hours right down at work because of the catheters as I can't go longer than 4 hours without it. When it has to be done I panic so much and then it takes me a good hour to palm down afterwards.
I haven't had more than 2 hours sleep every night and I'm just running on empty.
My poor dd is noticing that I'm not normal. She'd be better off without me.
It's all too much. I can't deal with any of it. I cry all the time, I'm exhausted, just one big fat pointless mess.
Dp took me to the gp as he's worried sick but all they offered was a referral for counseling which can take 6 months. I don't even think I could cope with counseling tbh (another failure to add to the list) as I can't talk about it. I habeas never told anybody the whole story of what happened to me, not even dp.
I just want the pain to go away, for it all to end

Good re the appointment.

I am thinking that it may be a good idea to go in to these appointments aremed with a list of your problems, concerns and symptoms.
So that you do not go away thinking that you have left out something important.
And definitely remember to say that you are not sleeping hardly at all.

Good idea about the list. I always seem to get very flustered and panicky in front of doctors etc and end up babbling like an idiot.
I am exhausted today. Trying so hard to keep other together for dd but I just want to hide and cry

When you go to bed at night, if you cant sleep, just lie there and rest.
Resting in bed is helpful, even if you dont manage to get to sleep.

Thankyou, I normally drift off to sleep ok but the nightmares wake me up they are so real, I end up too scared to go back to sleep

Oh I see
Heck

I am not a medical person at all. It does sound like you need to unburden what happened to you, to someone.

I'm hoping that the mental health team will be helpful but I just find it impossible to talk about.
Maybe I'm just a hopeless case

I dont believe that anyone is a helpless case.
I havent got time right now very sorry, I have to go out, but i will pm you tomorrow.

This will probably be a crap suggestion, anyway - have you tried falling asleep with a CD on (pref a relaxing, self-hypnosis kind) and keeping it on repeat to try to get a bit more sleep? It's simple so worth a try maybe. But you know what they say....having less sleep in pregnancy makes you better equipped to deal with the newborn...like f**k it does another old wives' tale about pregnancy that's full of crap. But seriously, your posts are very eloquent & you come across very well, even though the subject matter is very distressing. Could you write down some of your major concerns to take to your appointments beforehand so you can refer to them if you feel it's not going well?

Thankyou Yams that's very kind of you

Idlevice, I have tried music but not a relaxation cd or anything so will give that a try. I am definitely going to write a list for the appointment, and Dp is coming with me so hopefully between two of us we will remember everything. I think because there are so many issues we run out of time, and I panic