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Mental health

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Original poster

Last night I think I lost my mind

29 replies

Voicesinmyhead17 · 02/07/2013 06:50

I am a regular on MN but have name changed. Never posted on this board before.
I have had mental health issues for the last 10 years or so mainly manifesting themselves as extreme anxiety/panic attacks and triggered by stress usually related to financial issues ( as is the case at the moment).
I finally got some counselling last year which helped but for the last 2 weeks things have been building up and last night I finally lost it. I had been feeling an enormous panic attack coming on since the morning. Fortunately I work alone in my office so when I sit and stare into space for 2 hours at a time no-one really notices. I came home from work and then received a call from DH to say he was on his way and would collect DD. then the voices started calling my name and I became really scared and felt an overwhelming need to hide. So I hid in the bottom of my wardrobe in our bedroom. I stayed for about 3 hours. Not sure exactly. I could hear my husband and kids looking for me. DH took the car and drove around the village for an hour looking for me. I could hear him keep calling the kids on the phone to check they were ok and to give them instructions on cooking dinner. I could hear my own daughter in the room next to me lying on my bed and crying for her mummy and I couldn't move. I just sat and stared at the dark. Eventually the kids went downstairs to eat and I got out, banged the front door and pretended I had just come back from a long walk. I called DH and he came home. He look so scared and worried. I told him I was hiding from the voices and that they were very angry. he asked me where I was hiding and I said I couldn't remember. I don't know what to do now.
I have to leave for work in a couple of hours. We don't get sick pay where I am so I can't take time off. I lost £200 in Feb for being off ill with D&V and we still haven't made up the loss.
I feel that I have no control over anything and the voices are just getting louder all the time. Can someone please please give me some advice.

OP posts:

ChaChaDigregorio · 02/07/2013 06:56

Hey voices. Good on you for posting. It sounds like you had a very frightening experience. You need to go and see your doctor today who will be able to set you on the right track to get better. This will be a process and will take time, but you will have made the first step on the journey. Make the appointment the minute the surgery opens and be as honest with the doc as you were here. Only good will come from seeing the doc. Be kind to yourself, look after yourself.

Fourbears · 02/07/2013 06:57

Aw darling, that sounds very scary. You need to see your GP urgently, today. Get an emergency appointment. You are more important than anything else. Can you tell your DH about yesterday so he's up to speed? He will want to help you and can help best if he knows everything. Take care sweetheart x

Comfyseat · 02/07/2013 06:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Voicesinmyhead17 · 02/07/2013 07:48

Saw my GP yesterday and explained I could feel massive panic attack coming on. Told me to go home, have a cup of tea and take some deep breaths. So I did. And then I hid in a wardrobe.
How do I get in touch with the mental health crisis team? When I googled them it seemed to indicate that you had to be referred.

OP posts:

Eddie107 · 02/07/2013 10:30

So sorry you're going through such a tough time. Have you contacted your GP again this morning? I'm sure she/he will now realise how serious this is and get you the help that you need.

chartreuse · 02/07/2013 10:33

Please try to go back to your gp today so you can be referred to a specialist team. Maybe print out your OP so you don't have to keep retalling your story. I hope you get some help today, try not to worry about work for the moment - your health is far more important.

nenevomito · 02/07/2013 10:54

Go back to your GP and tell them that you're hearing voices. They will refer you to the crisis team.

Original poster

Voicesinmyhead17 · 02/07/2013 11:50

Have called GP and they have told me I don't qualify for an emergency appointment - they have a checklist of symptoms and the only mental health related one was "Are you likely to harm yourself or others?" to which I answered ( truthfully) "No". So I have to wait until Friday. The voices are laughing now.

OP posts:

IncogKNEEto · 02/07/2013 11:55

If you can't get in to see your doctor today, I think you can go to A and E and tell them what is happening to you (the voices etc) and they will help you. Good luck x

ThisKnifeitDoesNotCutDeepEnoug · 02/07/2013 12:04

Omg I am so angry for you not getting an emergency appointment! The while thing sounds so scary. Where I live you can self refer to depression and anxiety device - maybe try that, or Samaritans, or crisis team? Good luck, x

fluffydressinggown · 02/07/2013 14:17

Did you tell your GP that you are hearing voices? It is important that you are very clear that you are hearing things and that is not normal for you.

It is causing you harm - you are frightened and feel unable to work. You seem very distressed and that puts you at risk.

You can ring the single point of access for your local area. In many areas they take self-referrals, if you ring them and explain your symptoms they can offer you support.

There is support and help to help you get through this. I am sorry your GP has not been helpful so far, you need involvement from the community mental health team.

Oh and this sounds trite but please don't worry, hearing voices is not as uncommon as you think and it doesn't mean you have lost your mind. It can be a symptom of being very stressed. I hear a voice when I am very stressed.

nenevomito · 02/07/2013 16:07

A&E is an option here. They will call the duty psychiatrist who will come and see you and will get you referred to the local crisis team. It may seem extreme, but you need that support and if the GP isn't an option then A&E is. Alternative is to lie and little and say that you are likely to harm yourself.

This isn't a good state to be in and Friday is too long a wait.

Original poster

Voicesinmyhead17 · 08/07/2013 07:07

So work wouldn't let me go my GP appointment on Friday because I had already had time off on Monday to take my son to the doctor's for his severe nosebleeds. They would only allow me to go if I was prepared to tell them what it was for (this is their usual policy for medical apps). Naturally I didn't want to say and wasn't quick enough to lie. So anyway last night I made a noose from 2 dressing gown belts and tied them to the bedroom door handle and wrote a note to my husband and stood behind the door with the noose around my neck for about an hour wondering what it would feel like to die. And I kept hearing my husband and kids coming up and down stairs and not one person wondered why there was a dressing gown belt tied to the door or wondered where I was and I wish I had been brave and just done it instead of untying it. And then I just cried. I didn't want to tell my husband because he's already thrown Monday's events back in my face"Why don't you just run off and hide again for 4 hours and see if you can make your daughter cry?" That was what he said last night which prompted the whole thing.
Anyway I'm not asking for replies I just needed to tell someone. I feel so utterly alone. I have no-one to tell.

OP posts:

xmarksaspot · 08/07/2013 07:12

Please go.to your victors today tell work you have a migraine

Someone who can help you more will be here in a minute but i wanted you to know there are people here to hold your hand

Fragglewump · 08/07/2013 07:14

Op you need to get some help. Take today off work and go to a and e and tell them you are make suicidal attempts. You need to protect yourself while you are this vulnerable. Get signed off work for a while. Your family is more important than money. You are loved and needed. This is a bad time but I promise it will pass. Get some help today and set yourself on the road to recovery.

Selks · 08/07/2013 07:16

I understand that you feel alone, but there is support here. I'm sorry that it was impossible to access the GP and that you'd husband was unsympathetic. He may be frightened and not knowing what to do spoke harshly? How would it be if you sat down with him when the children are at school or in bed and told him exactly how you feel?
But the main thing is today. You need help and fast. Don't go to work today you're not well enough. Ring your GP immediately and ask for an emergency appointment. Tell them you are feeling suicidal. Or go straight to A&E. Dont be put off by anyone - just do it.
Your children need their mother so you need to make yourself safe - get help right away, please.

extracrunchy · 08/07/2013 07:20

OP please take today to go to A&E or walk into your GP, be honest and don't leave until you're seen. Yesterday's events now qualify you as an emergency case by their standards (and you were already before).
Hope you're ok. This will pass and you will get help, just put yourself first.

ThisKnifeitDoesNotCutDeepEnoug · 08/07/2013 07:22

Agree with all the others you must get an emergency appointment at your GP or go to A&E and don't even worry about what work will say at this point, being safe and looking after yourself is far more important! X

Fragglewump · 08/07/2013 11:59

Op I hope you are safe and getting help. Do let us know how you are getting in.

yamsareyammy · 08/07/2013 12:27

Where are you now voices?

DearPrudence · 08/07/2013 12:43

Your GP doesn't sound helpful. I think you need to walk into A&E and tell them truthfully what's been happening, or show them a print-out of your posts.

I know it's hard, but you have to get help. Good luck x

Hoophopes · 08/07/2013 20:37

If you cannot see your gp in work hours you can phone up the out of hours service and ask for an out of hours dd's appointment. That is the easiest way to see a dr out of work hours. You could phone up now and tell the person doing this triage on the phone what is happening and ask to see a dr to tonight. It will be a booked appointment and less of a wait than at a and e of that helps.

Hoophopes · 08/07/2013 20:38

You can phone Samaritans for someone to talk to if your dry cannot understand also.

SilverStars · 08/07/2013 22:53

Hi hope you been able to see a dr today or at least get an emergency appointment tomorrow, telling them you need to see a gp . Awful system telling them what is wrong as some people can be v ill and no know!!

extracrunchy · 10/07/2013 00:20

Voices I hope you're ok x

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