that light at the end of the tunnel isnt a train....stay on track!

[ThatVikRinA22]

thought we had better have a new one - old one nearly full. Think this is our 4th thread now....

linky to old one here

so, here we go....title a little more optimistic than i feel but im sure i will get back on track soon.....not doing bad particularly, just feeling a bit consumed with things....work is so intense. id forgotten.

anyway....nuff of me. over to you guys....
hope everyone manages to find us to say "hi"....welcome old and new.

Thanks SPC . Thought I had killed the thread there !
I like the "arrangement of honesty" idea. Just offloading has helped hugely . Hope you are feeling better .x

Its funny how it just goes quiet sometimes! Glad offloading helped x

ps cant believe we're on page 9 already!

Vicar that all says more about your colleagues than it does about you. At my work, I sometimes go for some quiet time on my break. When you feel social you can sit with the others. It is your BREAK after all. It's up to you what you do with it. Surprisingly few people would notice/care in my experience. The only comments I get are of the "guess what happened at lunchtime..." or "I missed you at lunchtime". I've never had anything negative.

Ed although procrastination is easier in the short-term, it makes life so much more difficult. Give future-ed a gift by calling the university back tomorrow and getting a plan in place.

Wish I could send a chilled glass of wine through the net for you CIQ
What an awful day for you ........and memories flooding back must have been hard.
You managed it all so well I hope you recognise that .

Bath,tea ,book and bed .....or the radio if gentle . So hope you and your DD feel better tomorrow and lie in is a must if you can .

Thank you for your kind words and advice . It helped a lot x

Thanks Basset for you too. I am off to bed now and the kids will be watching tv in the morning. Take care and sleep well x

((basset)) - i think feeling hurt is allowed. im sure they dont mean to hurt you, but i understand your feelings of exclusion - sometimes DS can tiptoe so carefully around other peoples feelings - but mine - the one who does most for him - i dont seem to matter most often.

he has called from devon. all was not as it was described - im urging caution.
now they have met him they have renaged on the offer of helping him to relocate and have suggested he moves into shared accommodation with an advance on his wages

he is so eager to please but im urging caution. The company clearly has money - he will not survive in shared accommodation. Ive urged him to walk away unless they can come up with a better deal....but i doubt he will listen to me.

im looking forward to my day at the stables tomorrow. DD is going out with her BF and DH will be out all day. riding instructor has text to say she is looking forward to my help tomorrow as she has a busy day.

think im going to go and read for a bit.

thank you for the thoughts re work - but i am an outsider. i am. i dont enjoy shite on the telly, i dont laugh at stupid jokes and i just dont fit.

someone dropped me in it at work too - dont know who but clearly i have to watch my back.

((UA)) You must be kind to yourself at this time, it gets easier but it takes time xx

Ed - UA is right, tis probably box ticking, i bet it hasn't even gone past your tutor. If you feel strong enough ring them but otherwise put it out of your mind for a bit - you are NOT allowed to fret over the weekend

Love to all xx

I don't watch much telly either vicar - a couple of hours a week and none of this reality show nonsense. I feel like an outsider if the conversation turns to telly or nights out but something usually happens that makes me realise that despite the differences, most of my colleagues are kind.

There are a couple, though, who I trust not a jot and I tend to leave the room or get on with some busy work when they are around.

Just a quickie.

I am still here.

I know I need to deal with it. I'm just very very scared and I'm going to enjoy the rest of half term first.

Thankyou so much for all the kind words and advice. I am reading. I know you are all right.

I can feel my depression scores going through the roof though as well as anxiety.

And I need to decide on this blinking holiday by midnight (clubcard vouchers expire)

Good luck with all decision making

oh yes, i saw your clubcard dilemma thread and meant to post actually. We had a lovely holiday on the isle of wight last year, staying in a park resort caravan park on clubcard vouchers. If you drive it would be really nice, the ferry is pretty cheap too - don't book through the holiday company, cheaper to book direct!

Xp took them to a park resorts on the iow last year.

I fancy iow myself but don't want to copycat.

Ed don't worry about copycatting, just go where you like

(((UA)))

Vicar it's not you it's THEM. You are lovely hope you had a good day with the horses today..

Agree with everything said though, found my eyes filling with tears at the thought of how painful it all is for us sometimes. We are incredibly honest, and it really helps me.

I feel good today, it's the sunshine, and I put on a pretty dress and some lipstick (red, of course!)

I hope that everyone has a good evening. Lots of love and hugs to all.

oooh, pretty dress and red lipstick I can't remember the last time i wore red lipstick, but to be honest it doesn't really suit me.

Ed - did the kids enjoy IOW? IIRC there are three park resorts camps that you can use the tesco vouchers on, we stayed in thorness bay which is near cowes, the site itself is in the middle of no-where so no good if you don't drive, but otherwise nice because i found shanklin and sandown not so nice. Another place we have stayed is Devon Cliffs in Exmouth, we have stayed there twice - its a haven park and if im honest, a bit better quality than the park resorts one. Its a pretty big site and right on the beach (as is the thorness one) but about five minutes drive from Exmouth which is a lovely town with lots to do. How old are the kids? Im very of the holiday, we don't have enough vouchers this year, we only had them last year because DP was driving a long way for work last year and using his clubcard for petrol purchases. Quite happy to help you make plans though. I think if i were to be going away this year id go to lyme reigis which is in dorset - amazing coastline and fossil hunting, nice town and near to devon too. The BEST icecream shop in the world on the promenade in lyme reigis. I am pretty sure there are park resorts and haven sites in the area. What sort of things do the kids like?

Centre parcs with extended family was nice last year

Just popping in to say hope everyone has a restful night (trying to stick to night time meds at 8, no screens from nineish).

Zombie are you ok ? No sweat to answer . Just thinking of you if you are reading x

Hi everyone

hoochy dress sounds fun and yes sun is fab isnt it.

ed hope you get your hol sorted.

Struggling today. Up at 8.30 with kids then back to bed 10.30-12.30. Dh Annoying was supposed to be in 3.30 to watch kids. Turned up 6.00 despite me texting him in morn saying I wasnt doing too well. A long day when feeling tired and vulnerable. Ds birthday party tomorrow and I dont want to feel like I did today.

Sun lovely tho x

Evening all.

Ive had a couple of dire days but made up for it today. You all know of my woes with uni. But I got so down that I was srruggling to interact with dcs. Dtd2 asked me to have jyst a cuddle last night (no phone. No wii. No tv. No crochet) and I couldn't do it. I was sooo cross with myself but I still couldnt do it. I have to have something in my hands (I watch 2hrs of tv per week usually although am watching bgt atm).

This morning dd3 told me 'I want you to play with me'. Made me sad too.
She came into my room 'its past 9 o clock mummy you have to get out of bed now'. Just demonstrates how I've done my best at severing my relationship with my own dcs.
When I was growing up my dm worked from home. She used to make handmade bridal accessories (garters and similar). It was piecework. It was in the days before the minimum wage. My over riding memory of my childhood was my mum sat on the sofa constantly with a needle in her hand. Or sat at the sewing machine. When I was old enough to cook I would cook a couple of times a week.

I am giving my dcs the childhood I had and that needs to change :(

So...today

I went to bed at 2am
I was dragged out of bed by 9.30
I played with dd3 my little ponies
I hedrined dd3
I played a card game with dd3
I showered dd3
I treated dd3s dozen veruccas
I cut dd3s toe nails for the first time in MONTHS
(Dtds were still in bed at this point!)
I plaited dd3s hair into 2 french plaits so she will have waves tomorrow.
I cut my hair
I coloured my hair
Went to pets at homevand they did everything they could to sell us a rabbit.
We went to the independent pet shop and had a long discussion about possibilities....think we will be getting gerbils or hamsters...need to ask mn advice tomorrow
Had a mosey around some teenage fashion shpps.
Went to the park (they even got me on the modern spinny seasaw thing!)
Went to mcDs for tea (tge new yorker special is very good)
Dyed dtds hairs...except it looks like it did this morning . They are not impressed
Decided on holiday (butlins. The safe option if I am not very functional and/or the weather is crap)

Soooo....
no nap yay
HUGE list of positives (no houseworky chores but a huge lust still)

I think I may have forgotten my meds tho. .I will take thdm first thing tomorrow.

ciq you will be fine for the party I'm sure. I had all 3 dcs birthdays. If you remember I was actually in a real bad place before all of them but the day itself was fine. Will dh be there to support you?

Sending positive enthusiastic hugs full of motivation across the country in all directions :)
Had

evening all
or morning....?

spent the day at the yard, had a riding lesson, finished the day with lovely instructor, a glass of wine and a natter on the yard. got home at about 10pm!

have been asked to go in tomorrow and help out, roofing repair man is coming at 8.30 so ive got to be up and about, DH should be home between 10 and 11 so i may as well go and play horses again as sit at home with the repair man! Its incredibly hard, physical work but it makes me so happy.
tomorrow will be surrounded by kids as they all come in to "help"(!!)

am taking food and a bottle of wine for when we finish the day so should be nice.

then will have a lazy sunday at home before work again on monday.

have only just had a bath, (with the ratty girls) would like to read for a bit but am tired so think i will turn in....

goodnight all.
and thank you for the kind words re work - i seem to get on with everyone else in every walk of life but that one....dont know what it is or why.

ive missed my meds today. truth be told ive only just had my dinner so its a bit late now to take them (or i will have weird dreams) but will try to remember to take them with breakfast.

Hello, firstly I admit I haven't read whole thread (I will do). Can someone tell me if this is the thread for me? Had a rough couple of years but thought I coped fine with all that life had thrown at me. Was happy, normal etc.

Then, Wednesday night had an enormous melt down. Crying uncontrollably, fell asleep curled up on the floor. Since then I can't stop crying. Am overwhelmed by everything, can't even put a load of washing on.

Went to doctors yesterday, he was lovely but didn't give me any medication. Dh not understanding at all.

Would love some understanding and support. If I'm completely on the wrong thread please tell me and I will have another look through this topic. Thank you.

its a very welcoming thread knitted, how are you today? You will find alot of support here and alot of other posters going through similar experiences, also sometimes it helps just to write things down. has the gp asked you to go back in a week or so to see how you are?

hi to everyone I have been at work the last few days, got some very emotionally draining things going on at work, it really helps to put things into perspective for me at times, I think that's why I am better when working and why I am not wanting to take time off, I can feel it comibg though, dh home from work next week and am going to start meds then so may need to take a few weeks off (perhaps slightly optimistic) . vicar re your work as others have said, fuck them! you do not need to do anything other than work with them, but I feel for you its a horrible situation and very childish on their part. Enjoy the horses today, that was my first dream to own my own yard and be an instructor, then I realised it probably wouldnt pay so much so I decided on nursing.

ed that sounds like a fab day yesterday, hope your not too tired today. Good luck with the uni thing, I agree if you phone them it would be good for you to take that bit of control. Am on phone so cant scroll back but I wouldnt be able to take the suspense like someone else said I would be in a panic and need to know.
hope everyone else is ok zombie nana hope your having good days.

lem bassett snowy spc ua am away to catch up properly