that light at the end of the tunnel isnt a train....stay on track!

[ThatVikRinA22]

thought we had better have a new one - old one nearly full. Think this is our 4th thread now....

linky to old one here

so, here we go....title a little more optimistic than i feel but im sure i will get back on track soon.....not doing bad particularly, just feeling a bit consumed with things....work is so intense. id forgotten.

anyway....nuff of me. over to you guys....
hope everyone manages to find us to say "hi"....welcome old and new.

What are the uni aware of in terms of your health Ed? You have some sort of extension in place though don't you? sorry if i have got that wrong. Its good that its not the first of june, but less good that it the first of july - too much time to brood. See, now if this were me, i'd go into panic mode and need to know what is going on like NOW!! Do you think it would help to make a call to your tutor, not right now - but at some point over the next few days, find out what they want you to do?

I didn't get out of bed until 11 yesteray - first time i have ever done that! Its ok you know.

Here for you Ed, what's happened?

((Hugs)) ed and try not to worry about contacting your uni friend - she may be thinking the same as you re adding to woes. lem advice is good - anyway you can take the lead will help you feel a bit more in control.

lem lie on til 11 sounds like heaven

Glad you made it snowy. If you think it will be helpful just go, don't worry about the criteria. Thanks for words. Brain frazzled now. Taking kids to indoor play this pm will be challenging I think but at least they'll be off playing.

ed, where do you live?

I'm in the
E

Mids

I've had a slice of cold pizza
Ive had a slice of syrup cake which is divine
Ive had a whoopie pie which is divine

Im back in bed.

ah, ok, im in south east - i could have come with you if you were local!

I think that these times when life doesn't allow us to hide away are actually a positive thing. Yes we need to recover and go at a pace that we can handle but when things like this come along we have to galvanise and we cope.

I am going to have to do the dreaded swimming shortly

What is a whoopie pie?

This is a whoopie pie

www.thekitchn.com/whoopie-pies-9-recipes-youll-a-116225

Ours were from a packet mix so very syntheticy but very divine.

Thanks for the offer. I'll do it if forced to. I think the problem is that at the moment I have no desire to go back. So whats the point talking to them.

Everyone (in rl and on this thread) is telling me not to make a decision yet.

So I don't want to go face to face and project my negativity about going back and close doors.

My therapist has given me some problem solving tasks so I need to work through them with this example.

I don't want to go face to face because I'm scared. Scared of going to pieces. Scared of being forced to go back when I 'know' I won't cope with it.

But...and this sounds silly. And ive never admitted this out loud before...I kind of have a slight phobia of the telephone. When I was with xp I wouldn't answer phone if he was around. Now I screen all my calls and only answer what I fancy most of the time. Ive just ignored a withheld number call (probably uni; or probably just telesales).

At the moment my mobile phone is on block mode. The only people that can make my mobile ring are my dcs. The dcs schools and my xp (he only ever rings if there is a problem with the dcs). Everyone else gets through to an engaged tone.

whoopie pie, they are yummy

Oh and enjoy swimming.

Dtds are just getting ready to take themselves swimming.

Dd3 is in her bedroom playing with the neighbours (the neighbours took her out for the morning)

Oh Ed, you really are my twin! im STILL scared of the bastard phone!

I think I know where that fear comes from.

When I was little my dad was in bed when the man came to the door to read the electric meter.
I wouldn't let him in (stranger danger etc)
Mum came home and asked if the electric man had been (she had been at neighbours)
I said no
My dad caught me out because he was awake and had heard me talking to him on doorstep.

I used to be the same answering the door but I have got over that because I have glass panels in the door.

And now I'm in a tizz and can't make a holiday decision. I'm thinking butlins because it's least stressful. And I will probably actually relax.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1767071-help-me-spend-400-tesco-clubcard-vouchers?msgid=39363488#39363488

Hi all, won't address you individually yet as I would get a little obsessive doing it!

Have been having an odd time recently. The Irishman returned from Ireland with cluster headaches, he is amazing at coping, but for me it is something new and stressful. So when we spend a night together no-one gets much sleep, for all the wrong reasons (they are worse at night) So I've been tired, so tired, and although I have been doing stuff it is like pulling teeth!

Then yesterday, I realised - I had run out of meds, and not picked up new prescription, so no meds for 10 days or so. I'm only on 20mg paraxatine, and since divorce have been so much better that I think I underestimated the maintenance effect meds were having. Good in a way to realise that they do make a difference. I have now picked up scrip, and feeling a bit more together anyway.

See you all later, hugs to all.

Hi there,

Whoopie cakes look yum

So concur with the phone/door phobia. It's just plain fear with me

Don't worry Ed they are never going to make you do anything, in my experience unis give you huge amount of time and chances. You are not well atm, and it will take a while to get back. Keep in contact with them and update them about your situation, e-mail? Keep the doors open in case you want to go back in the future? I'm in Derbyshire if you want someone to go with. Message me if I can help.

Silvery glad you can see how much you are better, I find that encouraging.

Go for it Lem you can do it.

Snowy do they have criteria in Mind? They should get a ramp for access.

I'm ok, one more day down on the placement. DH is in a foul mood, tired and grumpy he has MS and overworks, gets tetchy when tired . But, I'm meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow, and the forecast is better.

I wouldn't be able to do this without you lot

Hugs to all I've forgotten, hope you have a lovely day. We need little treats to keep us going!

I've had another blocked call on my mobile :(

It's got to be uni. I don't get unsolicited calls on my mobile. They've tried calling about once every 3 days for the last 3 weeks or so

So far I have watched two films, played a board game and played cribbage - all with ds. We need some together time so I am quute pleased

ed

im going to suggest something really scary - but in my experience the thought of what is going to happen is worse than what actually happens - your anxiety will build.

Can you email you tutor? or - (the scary bit) phone them - so that you are not leaping out of your skin everytime the phone rings....

Can they come to you? I found when work kept calling me it helped to meet them in my own home - so i felt in control. I imagined all sorts, but when the actual meetings came they were far less scary and much more supportive than i had expected.

i really do understand the instinct to just back away and run from it all.

im still battling with some anxiety problems now im back at work. But you can do this ed- you can make it go away, you just need to speak to your tutor.
give yourself the weekend, then try to sort it next week. set a day, then ignore it until that day - its hte only way i cope with going to work now - i just dont let it enter my head until the morning i have to get up and go. Its a very good coping strategy.

I felt incredibly isolated last night. I am not part of the group and i need to stop trying to be. I got a bollocking from the boss for something stupid i did, (felt really really stupid, and i know i will be getting bitched about behind my back for it, and it was totally my own fault) and i was teamed with one of the people i had asked not to be teamed with, i dont like them and they dont like me, we have nothing to talk about and it was just uncomfortable.
i felt very very alone. On my break i sat alone while they all laughed at Jackass on tv and all i wanted to do was retreat to a quiet place and read my book....but im scared that makes me look even more antisocial, so i sit there nursing a cup of tea and wishing i was somewhere else. I just dont fit in.

ive getting a frosty reception from a couple of people anyway lately, i wish i could just be comfortable in my own skin. I can feel the negative thoughts creeping back into my head....

i got home this morning and was out running by 4.45 am, did a run in the rain, came home, got a bath and read my book with a glass of wine, i think i should have stayed up but i didnt, i went to bed for a few hours and think that was a mistake....

DS has gone down to devon for his meeting - he has had the official job offer so am fretting with that now. I am trying very hard not to talk about my home life at work at all, because i am judged. i know im judged. it doesnt matter what i say, so im not giving anything away anymore.
but i feel quite sad today. out of it.
im at stables tomorrow if i can quell my anxiety enough to leave dd alone - she is going skating with her boyfriend and i feel very anxious about leaving the house before her - she gets cross with me - tells me she is capable of locking the door etc, but its me. sometimes i can feel panic rising again when i test myself mentally....

It's fine.

My phone doesn't ring. Its blocked.

And I have a huge bucket of sand to bury my head in.

But they can't help if they don' t know ((((( Ed )))))

Ed as hoochy says, uni's try v v hard to give everyone the chance to complete. And they take into account illness (and disability, as with vicar's DS). For one thing, the more students pass, the better the uni looks, but really, having worked in one, it's more than that. They really want to help for your sake.

What is the worst that can happen? Think specifically. ATM you have a waffly undifferentiated Worst that bears no relation to how it will be when you contact them. Would it be easier in person? (though as it's exam time I expect tutor office hours don't apply - but makes no difference to admin people)

Hugs for Ed and Vicar.

Vicar, you are doing so so well, i can't help but this perception you have of being on the outside is you being too hard on yourself? If it isn't that, well, fuck em! You have done an amazing thing and if your DS has half your strength he will thrive in devonshire!

Ed - yes, its nearly the weekend - I have to look at my spider project and I already feel sick about it, so i am going to put it out of my mind until monday (well tuesday actually as dd has an inset day on monday), So will be holding your hand to sort the uni stuff out and you can hold my hand to sort the big hairy spiders out :)

hoochy, well done for the placement - you are doing brilliantly

Hellesbelles, i am longing for the day that DD will sit and watch films - she has a short attention span, although saying that, just as i am typing this sentence she has put mama mia on - trouble is, it makes me sob - lolol what a bunch we are!

Love to all

(one day, we will all be better and we will have a meet-up and celebratory party!!) (can you tell i have had )

Hi everyone
Seems a lot of us are needing a hug and support at the moment . This blasted weather sure doesnt help .

Ed- Snowy and Vicar are right my love . I do understand the ignoring of mail and phones but you will feel better once you have contacted the university. Is e-mailing them an option maybe? I find it so much easier to communicate by writing . It would give you the chance to think about and edit your thoughts. Gives you some control .

Going to offload some stuff here as it helps to type and get it out.
My rational head knows I am being unfair and tinged with the green eyed monster .........here goes

I have lost my sons is how it feels. My DIL are lovely and there has never been any frostiness or discord ever.
But everything they do is with her mum and dad . Holidays ,meals out ,days out etc . A lot of financial help also.

We rarely see them but do get a daily phone call which is lovely.
No money here to go on holiday or meals out so we are hardly exciting company I know . But offering to cook a meal here is rebuffed. Mind my haphazard cooking may be to blame there

DH and I both have health issues so maybe it is them being kind and letting us be when they need help in the garden or anything really. My DIL mother is gearing up to any grandchild in the future as childcare support . I feel so left out .

What a whine and thank you for letting me witter . It is as it should be and I am thankful that there is so much support and enjoyment between them truly . Just that green eyed monster got me and wistfulness . And something got my eyes watering .

love to all xx

basset that sounds so painful . Perhaps you could assure them that your cheffing will be done by M&S . Actually I know it is painful, from talking to one of my friends, whose DS and DIL live half a mile away, and never call round, but are always doing things with her family, and, I think, his DF's family (his DF and DM split when DS was small, but shared care of DS week and week about).

It is not fair for people to think they are sparing you when you are ill - no matter how much we understand intellectually, underlyingly it feels patronising, and that they think they know better than us. Another friend has ME, we have an 'arrangement of honesty' where if I call round unexpectedly and she isn't up to a visit, she just tells me! and off I go.

(((((hugs)))))) for everyone tonight.

Basset Ed and vicar esp. Lem I could really do with some

Shattered. Took kids to soft play. Some chunky boy managed to land on DDs foot with all his weight. Tears and hopping. Ended up having to take her to urgent care centre (the same one we went to in Dec when she had awful broken leg) wait for 2.5 hours, xray. 90% confident no bones broken, v badly bruised. Home at 9.15 pm. I could prob do with a cry and a glass of wine, have no wine and tears don't seem to come. Brought back bad memories of her broken leg experience, hospital stay and my breakdown two weeks later But I did hold it together, and had been having nice chat to friend before it all kicked off. Could really do with a day in bed, but no chance tomorrow. Think I will have to sit kids in front of TV for the morning though. Friends round in pm to test bouncy castle which DD will not be able to join in with .

Phew what an evening.

Basset I would feel as you do in your shoes. Can you invite them round for anything other than a meal? Meet them at a local woods for a walk or somewhere else free? Can you actually say that you'd really like to meet up with them for a day somewhere? I think it is common for boys to end up doing more with wife's parents (tho not sure why) but hopefully you can have a bit more time together.

vicar that sounds tough at work. Lots of sympathy. Sounds like you've had a tough day anxiety-wise too. How many shifts til your next break?

ed someone's advice up thread to identify a day, tackle it then and not think about if before is good I think (vicar?)

Take care everyone x