that light at the end of the tunnel isnt a train....stay on track!

[ThatVikRinA22]

thought we had better have a new one - old one nearly full. Think this is our 4th thread now....

linky to old one here

so, here we go....title a little more optimistic than i feel but im sure i will get back on track soon.....not doing bad particularly, just feeling a bit consumed with things....work is so intense. id forgotten.

anyway....nuff of me. over to you guys....
hope everyone manages to find us to say "hi"....welcome old and new.

ohhhhh, my poor backside!!!! After a ropey start to the day (both weather wise and my mood) the sun came out, we went for what turned into a 25 mile bike ride with stop offs at swing parks, and best of all - the pub!!!! So its been a lovely day, great weather and a cycle along the coast, DD loved it and DP and I managed to have some peace whilst DD made some friends in the pub play park.

Ed so glad you had a good day - we have packet "takeaway" from the supermarket.

Welcome to the newbies :)

I really need a bottom massage!!!

Oh i have some really vivid dreams on citalopram

Hi everyone, welcome plastic and citrus.

Just a quickie, ed brilliant for getting out. snowy lovely dress!

notso? earlier I am exactly the same thinking I've been making a mountain out of a molehill on better days. Crazy.

Better pm here had good open chat with dh and got some gardening done as well as cook birthday cake for ds. Half a bottle of wine later...

Take care everyone x

vicar (((hugs))) that sounds like an awful dream. lem sounds like a lovely day . Did you get some sun - we did and it was lovely.

Vivid dreams here too. Most Classic being dh announcing to me and a shrink that he was a transsexual! !!! (Too much stuff had been changing in the months up to that one...) x

Thinking of you all and hello to new friends .

Not so good this week so taking some time out to dust myself down ,set myself up .........and oh yes start all over again .

I saw a small excerpt of this poem in the paper today and know it . So please ignore if it aint your thing .....but in light of recent events ......

hope it helps some of you as it did me tonight .

www.gratefulness.org/poetry/peace_of_wild_things.htm

basset that's beautiful. There is a lot of wonder and peace in nature.

Sorry to hear you've had a tough week, really hope you start to pick up a bit now. Can you get out in the countryside at all tomorrow? Soak up some sun, some birdsong, lots of green? Take care x

Love that poem basset - thankyou for sharing that.

Feel better soon xxx

glad you liked ..........hope you sleep well tonight . thank you .
night night xx

i love that poem basset - i do think being around nature and animals is healing.

hence the horses....on thursday i was there alone for a few hours, just me, the sun, the horses, the fields and the trees and it was blissful.

its definitely soothing for a tired mind even if the work is physical and hard.

Beautiful poem Basset thanks for that.

Someone that I was trying to help died on Thursday, he was only 21. I know I did all I could but that doesn't make it any easier. He just wouldn't engage with me even though I was setting up stuff to help him.

This is a ghastly illness, and makes what we are doing for each other here very precious.

Vicar I think it's good that stuff is coming to the surface with you, it's probably because your finally in a safe place to deal with it. That sounds like psychobabble but you know what I mean.

Lots of love to everyone here, hope you all have a good day. I'm doing a reading in church today, hope I don't muck it up. These kind of things make me feel stupidly nervous these days

hoochy that's sad you just need to keep telling yourself you tried your best.
good luck for your reading today

hoochy, that is sad news - no words to say really, sorry xxx Its not easy for anyone is it. I hope that you find some comfort in church today, im sure the reading will be fine

CiQ yes, we had sun, it was perfect weather - i don't actually like it too hot. We really needed it. Its not going to last the week - argggghhh, half term - ah well, it'l be fine.

This thread is such a lifeline, even if i don't manage to keep up and i do feel bad if i don't answer everyone, its such a comforting place. Im not sure i even know why

Ed what today then? Could you take a drive somewhere with a book, or even your crochet? We have riding for DD (which im stressed about, can't really afford it) and then shopping - has to be done though. I hope we get a walk later or something.

Hi all,

Hugs to hoochy, and everyone else

I'm up.
I'm dressed. Level 3. I love summer clothes (I love that dress snowy.That is so 'me' but unfortunately I cant wear dresses of that length due to scarring on my shins).

About to put some washing in...but I think there might be some wet washing in there from about weds...ewww...

Planning a chill day. Bit of wii. Bit of crochet. Bit of reading. Gonna intersperse it with some tidying. My kitchen is a tip. My car is a tip. But I'm just going to do the 15min timer thing.

Feeling quite positive today :)

Ok...not feeling quite so positive now.

My fridge has been ajar all night.
My guinea pig has died
Now I have to do some gardening to bury her...and the ground will be rock solid.

Sorry to put a downer on

I'm so sorry Ed (((( Ed )))) is there something nice you can do for yourself later?

Gosh this thread moves fast!

Hello Plastic and Citrus, don't be shy! I was too shy to post for ages but everyone's lovely here

Plastic I know exactly what you mean about feeling safe in your own moods, that's a really nice way of putting it. It's nice to have some encouragement that the medication side effects will get better as well, thanks for that.

basset that poem is very true, thanks for sharing. I read a poem about depression recently that really resonated with me, I think it might have been called The Dyke - unfortunately I can't find it online, otherwise I'd post it here.

hoochy I'm so sorry for your loss, I wish there was something more meaningful I could say but it's so hard in writing. I really hope you don't feel responsible in any way. Have you done your reading yet, or is it an evening service?

Vicar I meant to say earlier but I forgot, 'shape-changing illness' is such a good way of phrasing it - I'll have to remember that for future use Your dreams sound horrible, I hope you felt better after waking up. If it is a consequence of the therapy then I suppose it might all be part of the healing process, not that that makes it any easier to deal with.

Ed, are you starting to recover from the physical illness?

Speaking of weird dreams, has anyone here ever taken nitrazepam? I took one for the first time last night and was expecting it to be fine because I've been ok on zopiclone before, but I only slept for about five hours and had nightmares all night - nothing traumatic, but really vivid. And then later I had either very lucid dreams or visual hallucinations that were just completely bizarre. I don't know if it was actually the nitrazepam or a side effect of the citalopram that's suddenly kicking in, but I definitely won't be trying that again in a hurry!

LEM I missed your post - I feel bad about not being able to reply to everyone too! You're right, it really is comforting, even just to read through when I don't have time to post.

CiQ glad to hear you're feeling better, hope it lasts a while

Oh Ed I am so so sorry about your Guinea pig - not fair :(

Ooops.

Didn't mean to kill the thread. I'm obviously sad that our last guinea pig died, but obviously recognise that it is not comparable to other losses...hoochy, ua, trinity and a whole host of others.

I only posted because it was just something that spoilt what was looking to be a great day.

Lazy day here.
Done a bit of washing.
Put the rubbish out.
Emptied dw.
Dressed to level 3.
Opened all the curtains (I never open bedroom curtains and rarely the lounge...)
Played on the wii lots.
I layed down to do a bit of reading earlier and accidently fell asleep.

As far as physical illness is concerned (someone asked can't remember who). Fever/headache/sore throat seems to have subsided which makes me more functional.
Still got the shooty pain in bone thing but now I know what it is I'm less freaked out about it. As it is intermittent and whilst annoying and uncomfortable it is not mega painful in itself so I can live with that. Still a bit chesty too, particularly first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

Oh and the dreams thing. I get wierd dreams on fluoxetine. You've just reminded me of last nights. I think the fact that I was watching the episode of mrs browns boys where she did the bikini wax might be relevant.

In my dream...well..I dreamt that my lady garden was rather overgrown. Not so much in the bushy sense...more the length...I had 30cm dreadlocks which I hacked off with a pair of garden shears....anyone fancy dream analysing that one???

I think it is perfectly ok to be sad about losing our pets you know ed. In fact its weird, I have been positively hysterical when i lost my dogs in the past, waking up in the night screaming hysterical - yet when i lost my father, i didn't cry much. I think that losing a pet is a greif that we can deal with more than losing a person, its almost like if we allow ourselves to feel the real grief it will be too much.

Quite envious of your lazy day actually. We took DD to the stables, watched her ride - she is coming on really well, i love watching her on a horse. Then shopping (hate shopping) came home cooked dinner, got roped into going to play park, then had dinner - blood fridge packed up once and for all so had to take all the contents round to my mother, thankfully she is being reasonable at present. Then I cooked a bread pudding, but i dont think i put it in the oven for long enough and its a bit soggy. What i really would have wanted to do today was laze about. Not taken my meds today, i'll probably leave til morning now.

Thats a pretty weird dream! I get really lucid dreams on citalopram but i have always done that lucid dreaming thing when i can go back to the dream and influence it a little if i can get back to sleep quick enough. The citalopram dreams freak me out a bit though.

hi all,
thank you for the wisdom re the dreams - im sure you are right - also the therapy i had "moves" memories about a bit where they are stored in the brain....

im ok, just the dreams are a bit disturbing. last night i dreamt about my sis who died in a car accident, i dreamt she had been missing but turned back up....then went missing again. i felt helpless. i suppose i buried the feelings in numbness but i miss her so much, she meant such a lot to me and she died in such an unfair way and at her lowest ebb, maybe im just processing stuff ive not managed to before now, and i suppose its quite telling that in my dreams i am facing down my abuser. (even though in the last one i curled into a ball and couldnt look at him....i took a stand in my dream i suppose....all so odd.)

i hate the fact that i have started smoking again after so long off the cigs (11 years!) - no idea what has made me do that. at 2 a day im not exactly a heavy smoker but i hate that ive done that....its like im losing myself.

i have tomorrow off. DH is at work and i could go to the stables but i dont want to burn myself out in the middle of a working week,

i did submit my application for part time working today so hopefully that will begin soon.

ed im sorry about your piggy, when my dog died i truly grieved - they are members of the family, pets.

well, i suppose i should attempt to go to bed. DH and i are ships that pass in the night at the mo - when ive been off he hasnt and when i am he isnt.

i have told myself i need to go for a run tomorrow. i must start running again, and tomorrow is as good a day as any to start even though i dont really want to - ive got to do it as my job now depends on it.

work has been ok really.

im managing to do the things i need to do, and not getting too stressed out with my crime list at min.

enjoy the sun tomorrow everyone. I have ordered a patio table and chairs....if i cant afford a holiday again this year im determined to enjoy my garden.

goodnight all.

Hugs ed Oh and love the dreadlocks dream my best one was dreaming dh came out as a transsexual!!! (The had been a lot of change going on...)

hoochy really sorry to hear about yr loss. I know what you mean about this place it is so special - like a rock to cling to or a safe Harbour.

Hi everyone sorry can't reply to all am in kids play place with ds five today. Had a lovely day out yest at a kids theme park in the sun. Empty here today cos everyone or in sun and ds really enjoying his birthday

Thanks tiranna and lem hope yr enjoying the sun. Vicar any chance of a ride? Oh and look into e cigs.

Hi basset citrus plastic ua nana spc too.

Must go... take care all xxx

Enjoy ds' birthday CiQ

I'm having a quiet day inside today, how is everyone else getting on?

Morning everyone

Struggling today.

Still in bed. Got to do the gardening and burial today before dcs come home tomorrow.

Hi everyone
Having a very quiet day, made myself go for a walk, and now am curled on the sofa. DH working all day.Teenagers supposed to be studying. They keep on asking what I'm going to do today as if I should just get up and so some mummyish things like spring cleaning

Thanks for all the love and care. I reckon pets dying is a pretty bad thing though. I think losses that we suffer bring back memories of losses in the past, and i think from reading the posts we have had a lot of traumatic things happening to us.

My dreams are so vivid too! not as frightening as some, but vivid.

Hope everyone has a good day.