that light at the end of the tunnel isnt a train....stay on track!

[ThatVikRinA22]

thought we had better have a new one - old one nearly full. Think this is our 4th thread now....

linky to old one here

so, here we go....title a little more optimistic than i feel but im sure i will get back on track soon.....not doing bad particularly, just feeling a bit consumed with things....work is so intense. id forgotten.

anyway....nuff of me. over to you guys....
hope everyone manages to find us to say "hi"....welcome old and new.

thank you.

ive hidden it. finally.

ive had the ratty girls out tonight - i bought them a super duper new wheel, (now they have a choice - running disc or wheel!) and a little wheelie bin to hide treats in! also a new sputnik so they have one hanging from the top of the cage and one the other way on the platform.

their cage is a veritable ratty palace of all things to play with and hide in!
spoilt ratties!

they have also got sweetcorn, peas, kale with grapes, apple and strawberry to follow!

Wow that sounds like rat heaven . Sleep well x

Vicar I keep x-posting with you! I saw that thread too, glad you've hidden it. Please don't leave mn because of a few people being rude and unhelpful though I like reading your posts, even if they're unhappy ones sometimes

Exciting news about your son though - you must be relieved, even if it is scary to think about him moving away. I assume he was at university near you, is he living with you at the moment as well?

Right, I actually am going to bed now!

really quick post as I need to get up for work, vicar I always seem to start reading the nurse bashing threads, I then write a massive post then don't t post it, as I don't want to be drawn in, glad you have hidden it, I haven't read the thread you mean. fab news about ds.

tiranna hello
hope everyone else is ok will catch up tonigt.

Morning all.

Still ill. Had a better day yesterday but I feel like I'm on a bloody yoyo.

I have a drs sppointment this afternoon. Will probably bring up the chest.

I've sewn about 40 guide badges onto a blanket.
Did some washing yesterday but that is still in the machine.

Going to watch a music and dance performance at dd3s school later.

Sorry I'm not keeping up again...I'm going downhill fast. I'm shakey. I have 3 weeks mail that is unopened....hmm I am being discharged by the therapist tomorrow

Just a quickie to vicar. Fab fab fab news about ds. Obviously as far as he is concerned. That is a fab opportunity which he seriously needs to consider taking. But now I'm going to think of you. There are a couple of alternative ways to look at this.1) this job offer...and it sounds like a very respectable job offer...could just be taken as an indication that he still has options. Still has respectable options. He could look for suitable openings closer to home and you could take heart that this job offer is just a demonstration that he is still capable of being successful.
2) he could treat this as a temporary option. Get his foot in the door. Review his progress regularly and keep looking for something 'closer to home'.

It is fantastic news and whilst I can see you have (justified) anxieties about the geography you don't have to see it as a forever option. Otoh...maybe you could all relocate and you could take a job as a wpc in a nice little rural devon village...:o

I so wish you hadn't seen that thread. I saw it and wished there was a way that I could hide it from you.

Right. Back later. I need sleep. Shower. Smile on ky face for dd3...

Quick post to say

a) great news vicar about DS. (And saw something recently about some comp firm specifically looking for people with AS)

b) Ed - anyone who can do this: I've sewn about 40 guide badges onto a blanket. has my admiration, even more so if they are under par.

PS new duvet looks great, may have had to have nap yesterday to test, now bedroom looks shabby, and not in a chic way.

Morning everyone

Hello Notso

Ed, laundry in the machine is more than I've managed, mine's piled up in various small mountains around my room - I may have a hard time reaching the door Glad you're seeing a doctor - do mention the chest, especially if you've had it for a while. Nice work on the guide badges too!

Slept ok last night despite not using anything - I'd like to think this is the beginning of the end of the insomnia but no doubt it'll be back in a few nights' time, if that

Gosh - have missed alot.

Vicar I have one thing to say about that thread - Fuck em! Seriously, until they are willing to risk their lives and work a stress filled job with little or no respect then they have no right to comment. I am not just saying this, but i am in awe of police officers - I'd love to do that job but i just know i could never cope (i'd be hiding around a corner when it all kicked off!) so just don't listen to morons eh?

As for your DS, that is brilliant news, he must feel really good - just the boost he needs. Its devon, not australia :) He will be fine, and if it works out long term just think - free holidays :) You must encourage him to go for it!

Trianna My current (or probably should say last) project, is to do some PCR fingerprints of tarantula DNA to try to develop some difinitive identification tool kits. Using heamolymph (spider blood) taken from aneathetised spiders so as not to cause any damage - something that could be used in the field. Have let it slip though :( Disappointed really. I need to tie up some loose ends and pass it on to someone else now.

Ed Make sure you tell the doctor about your chest - post virally you are going to feel rubbish, you felt you were picking up, hold on to that, you have had good days - that is really positive. I totally hear you about the mail - both myself and DP got into a terrible mess with unopened letters - its like a phobia now but we make ourselves open them. I am talking bin bags of accumulated post, it made things worse and things went further than they needed to because we just stuck our heads in the sand. I still feel sick when the postman comes - i dont htink that will ever leave me (or DP) .

I am not doing brilliantly, feeling very upset and almost tearful about my mum, have spoken to a dear friend this morning about it who said i shoudl talk to her, but he just doesn't understand, i need to leave her to come round herself. STILL not able to look at my spider stuff - although I hve done a fair chunk of housework this morning and am just going to make some jam Tis free, the jam sugar was in the cupboard from a while back and the rhubarb grows like triffids in the garden. No job hunting yet, finally run out of money last week so i have nothing - very stressed because will have to ask DP for £5 for my counselling session tomorrow and have to cycle over (Ten fecking miles) so i hope it doens't rain! Weather - pissing me off now. I think i need a kick up the arse

I've been doing more admin, a hospital stay means all your benefits get stopped.

I am sorry you're struggling LEM, it must be tough, ((( LEM )))

Good morning TirAnna Definitely impressive Ed

Hope everyone else is doing ok too!

Hello everyone, I am still here but have had a rough week. Met my fuckwit of an ex husband who I thought might want to help out with things since I'm struggling, but he just used the meeting to blame everything on me yet again and use my anxiety and depression as some sort of proof of what a deficient human being I am. And he brought me flowers, which I then bashed the shit out of on the local pier. I may have scared several passers by, but it was very satisfying. He is a prat.

I have clarified some things with uni though, they are fine with me taking a break and I can graduate in December, so basically have from now until then to do my last placement and get things together. It's a bit gutting since I'll have to postpone starting work, but it gives me the space I need so positive I think. I do hate this though, I have worked for 6 years to finally start the job I love, and waiting even an extra six months is so hard to take.

I had been managing better this week, made it out of the house and even managed to wander round town yesterday. Had a bit of a heart to heart with my parents and things are better. But today is an awful day, I feel totally flat and haven't got up yet. And I have rubbish period pain which just adds to my generally feeling sorry for myself, especially as due to an accident earlier this month I thought I might be pregnant. The timing would have been bad, and it's probably for the best, but I am actually really upset. If my husband hadn't been an abusive idiot we would have been trying for another baby now. Everything is going round and round in my head today and I can't really engage with real life at all.

That's good that uni is sorted for you...I remember colleagues having similar when we graduated, couldn't tell the difference now (6 yrs down the line).

Maybe you need some head space...

Glabella, i had been wondering about how you were doing - sorry that you have had a difficult week. Good about the uni though - now just take some time to rest and don't put too many demands on yourself xx

Hello Glabella, I remember reading your posts while still lurking. Glad you've sorted things out with uni, it sounds like a break might be just what you need at the moment. How are you finding the citalopram, have the side effects got any better yet? I also wanted to say how lovely your DP sounds but I was too shy at the time I'd echo what someone (LEM?) said upthread, he definitely sounds like a keeper.

I wouldn't worry about what passers by thought about the flowers by the way, it sounds very therapeutic

LEM ooh I like PCR fingerprinting, was never very good at it though - I could never get the gels right. Hope the jam making went well. I can't wait til exams are over and I can start cooking properly again, I'm pretty much living off baked beans and frozen potato products at the moment

On the subject of unopened post, I was reminded of a documentary I heard on Radio 4 (I think) a while back, where they mentioned how chronic procrastination was often rooted in pathological anxiety - it really struck a chord with me because I'd never really considered the link before, even though it's pretty obvious now I think about it. Last summer I was meant to go to the police to report a (trivial) crime but didn't because I was afraid of what they'd say to me, and in the end I put it off for so long that I was scared to leave the house at all... I think that's what set off the latest set of episodes... Anyway, that's not really relevant to anything, I'm just musing to myself

Incidentally my own unchecked email problem (I never get post) was fixed by a scary tutor who insisted we'd better check our emails every day OR ELSE - the thought of his rage terrified me far more than whatever might be waiting in unread messages! Maybe I just need to constantly surround myself with angry people and all my issues would be solved

Just popping in to say good night, I hope everyone gets some sleep.

Pathological anxiety. That sounds interesting.

Night snowy sleep well x

I am struggling with deep self loathing tonight. Who on earth was that person who posted monday. This is ridiculous I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. [Sad]

Are you OK CiQ? Don't dislike yourself, you are a lovely person - you support alot of us on here. That takes empathy that does :)

Thanks lem no not ok. Just feel awful this eve and can't see any way out of this and I don't want to be like this for ever. Id rather not be here.

Hi.

More woes here.

My chest is clear. Just wait and see but I feel horrid. I feel 'whistley' in the evening. I am coughing up thick plaques of green in the mornings. My temp is yo yo-ing. My bones hurt. My stomach muscles hurt from coughing. My breastbone hurts from coughing. But there is nothing treatable wrong. TBH My symptoms are minimal in the late afternoon when I had my appointment. I am shite first thing and super shite last thing.

Talked about the fact I am really shaky again.

GP considered that a change of AD might help but that the transition would be a PITA.

I am wallowing too (cuddles up to CIQ and LEM in the wallowing corner....can't help but join you).
I have 3 weeks post to open. Credit card bills. Probably mail from uni.
I have overdue uni library books and about £50 fines.
I have student loans on my back as they have overpaid me due o their error. But tough. But I haven't been able to do anything about sorting it out.
My credit card has been blocked. Because I haven't paid it off the last 2 months...or I may have hit my credit limit....I've no idea which because I haven't opened the last 2 bills.
Someone keeps calling me at 3:25 and withholding their number. Probably uni kicking me off the course.

I'm just a lazy shit that just needs to switch the blinking computer on and pay a couple of bills and I just can't even open an envelope.

Hugs ed switching is a dilemma. I had been wondering about asking that at last appt but cant face the side effects again.

Dont really know what to do with myself now. Suppose I could get ready for bed.

Ed sounds like you are suffering from admin overwhelm.

What is the one most important thing? Just do that. (I would respectfully suggest answering that phone call, or, if v brave, ringing them instead. Do it early. The latter probably corresponds to the 'worst first' strategy, a strategy well worth doing if you can face it).

My duvets are lovely. And they have made me get on with cleaning the en-suite.

I'm going to bed.

Giong to read.

But my chest will hurt when I lay down.

I have therapy in the morning. I have homework to do and haven't done it.

I've been ill. But it will look like I am making excuses because last time my excuses related to my broken Coccyx.

I have seen my Dr for both my Coccyx and chest so therapist can see.

But I am just making excuses.

Sod the therapy homework - if you were ill, you were ill.

I'm re-reading Vanity Fair atm, and enjoying it v much.