that light at the end of the tunnel isnt a train....stay on track!

[ThatVikRinA22]

thought we had better have a new one - old one nearly full. Think this is our 4th thread now....

linky to old one here

so, here we go....title a little more optimistic than i feel but im sure i will get back on track soon.....not doing bad particularly, just feeling a bit consumed with things....work is so intense. id forgotten.

anyway....nuff of me. over to you guys....
hope everyone manages to find us to say "hi"....welcome old and new.

Hi all, sorry not been around on this thread much lately, except as a lurker.

The Irishman got back from Ireland with an episode of cluster headache - he is brilliant at coping, but it is hard to see him suffer It affected me more than I realised, I think, and I rather ground to a halt. Not helped by me wandering round various shops looking for new duvet covers, and doing the whole indecisive bit, before deciding not to buy. However, have now discovered Next duvet covers, ordered yesterday, arrived today, duvet covers may be my salvation in getting going again .

TirAnna counselling comes in all shapes and sizes. Try it and see, if you are not comfortable that may actually be no bad thing, but if it makes you unhappy in other ways that variety of counselling may not be for you. I am trained in NLP, this has interesting techniques in it, I would say just give them a go if that's what your counselling is like, things can work even if you are skeptical, I know cos I am skeptical too! I am not personally a fan of the type of therapy that gets you to think about bad times, I think the type that addresses current thought patterns and helps you to change them is better.

Hi Silver - glad you are still aound! pants about the headaches - good about the duvet (i think!)

Trianna, yes i did leave after my Phd :( I got pregnant at the end of it, then i got sick - its now six years later and im somewhat stuck! I miss it and feel its the only thing im any good at but of course have been out of the loop for too long. I should think plant science would be more lucrative than virus work, for some mad reason, medical research is very poorly funded I could start a whole thread ranting about that.

I totally agree with you about the counselling - I have had "ordinary" counselling and CBT, the problem for me with the CBT is that i was tryin to analyse it all the time, second guess the counseller and making faces all the time because yes, it all sounds good on paper and its all very logical, but i don't think you can put people into categories. I am now starting "ordinary" counselling abit, having spent a year in counselling before "whinging" about my DP and other things going on, i want to try and make it about me - rather than dodging the issue which is what i did the first tiime around. I have only had one session, the counsellor is young - and i was sceptical but actually, she seems quite good - will have to suck it and see. What silvery said is right, you just have to find a type of counselling and counseller that suits you. Keep an open mind - difficult i think for a scientist to do as we like to know the ins and outs of a ducks backside!

Good luck with the revision - i remember that time well, actually i found exams ok too - there was an end to it so i could work like a trojan becaue i could see an end. Whats next?

Just popping in to say hi, I've got an outpatients group later today, need to get to level 2+/3 if humanly possible.

vicar I remember reading on here a while back about a mum who had been despairing of her DD. She'd dropped out of school, got a job in a bar, had fun for a bit and then the reality of no money and no prospects hit her, she went back to school, then to Uni and is now doing well. Maybe a reality check is what your DS needs, tho I completely sympathise with how tough and frustrating it is for you x.

TirAnna wow organic chemistry sounds serious stuff - glad to hear you're enjoying it. Hang in there with the citalopram a bit longer and hopefully your sleep will improve.

LEM I am completely with you on the "don't like being told what to do" thing but as you say not ideal for CBT! My head feels clearer these days but I do feel like I'm in a permanently s**y mood and not very motivated (and v poor self esteem). Can't be bothered to talk to DH as I am just repeating myself... bleurh.

LEM what counselling are you having? Mine is called "psycho-dynamic" which seems to mean the counsellor sits there and says very little, and its about understanding how current behaviours and emotions have come about in relation to past experiences. It has been useful, and was yesterday in helping me understand my emotions better and underlying anger which I don't often recognise. But the last few weeks I've struggled to go and got frustrated with her yesterday as I asked her if she thought I'd made any progress and she just flipped it back to me - what do I think, its about the work that I do etc which just wound me up, partic when I'd said how I was struggling to think clearly yesterday.

On a positive note (DH says I need to identify positive things more and get practice/habits). So I think I've finished pressie shopping for DS's birthday, have just enjoyed an M&S choc brownie and remembered everything the kids needed for extra stuff at school today.

Hi snowy hope you get on OK this afternoon.

Good luck with the revision TriAnna!

Haha snowy I am currently in pyjamas - is that level 1, or even lower? I'm using revision as my excuse though

LEM I'll reply properly later (ditto Silvery) but is there any way you could do some unpaid part time lab work? I don't know if you're feeling up to that kind of thing yet or whether it's feasible where you live but IME most research scientists are pretty happy to have someone take on some of the day-to-day work for them... And you might have been out of it for a while but I expect you know more than I did on work experience when I was 16!

Hello TirAnna, nice to meet you!

Lem the counselling sounds good. I had a good counsellor for six sessions, it was good just to splurge everything out. But she was sweet and sensible and I didn't feel manipulated. Some of them are not so good.

Had a horrible morning, got to uni on the bus, and handed essay in but totally panicked about recall day and took the bus straight back home. Oh good grief. Just curled up now and aching inside I felt I was better too

I just felt scared of meeting everyone.I am such a wimp at the moment

((( Vicar ))) scarily like my DS. Time to let go of him, time to look after you.

Ed you sound ill, I echo the thought about going to the GP, esp if you are looking after DD too

Good to hear you again Silvery next do some nice stuff.

Ooo taking sertraline at night worked better for me, sleep not much affected. I find I get easily addicted to sleeping tablets, they're way too nice..

Love to all I've forgotten

CIQ x-post - thanks for the advice re citalopram, good to know it should improve M&S brownie sounds very nice, might go and grab some chocolate cookies later...

Have just had a lovely walk with my two dogs bastards along the beach, one of them had a spectacular dog fight but fortunately the owner found it funny - two terriers going at it hammer and tong, i just got them both by the scruffs and hoiked them in the air - they were snarling and snapping but not actually doing any damage.

Trianna, yes,, i currently am sitting on a project that i have started with a friend, i need to get back to it - but you know how it is, elephant in the room just now.

Love to all - snowy i hope your appointment goes well

Bugger, late or school run!

Hello all.

Gosh, there's a lot to catch up on here. I hope you'll forgive me if I just dish out loads of (((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))) to all who need them and a Hello to TirAnna.

Counselling went well yesterday. Sometimes it feels that I'm really just using her to dump everything on but just getting it out does seem to help.

I'm not entirely sure how I'm reacting to the Sertraline. Both days I noticed that about an hour after taking it, I got very tired and sleepy. I slept fine the first night but last night wasn't so good. I woke about 2.30 and spent the rest of the night tossing, turning and twitching with just a bit of dozing off now and then. I'm not the best sleeper anyway, so it could just be coincidence. I'll try waiting until about 9.00 tonight to take today's dose and see how that works.

More (((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))

Just popping by to say group went ok. And to add some more ((((( All )))))

I think level 1 is pjs, level 2 is 'comfortable' clothing, level 3 is fully dressed to go out.

More ((((hugs)))) from me too! Glad you got on ok snowy.

Hi hoochy sorry to hear about your tough morning. Fancy a ?

*zombie glad to hear you found the counselling helpful. Take it easy now x

lem beach walk sounds fab . A friend dropped round her copy of mind over mood for me to look at - it does look quite good based on first chapter and one exercise so think I should give it a try. Just got to work out how to get motivated... random thought - we could do a chapter a week and share reviews/comments?

Hi to everyone else and nana hope your Ireland trip went well.

(((( UA )))) I'm glad it went well, and you got through it. Sending you positive thoughts as always.

Well, I now have lists of green (e.g. 2 nights of poor sleep), amber and red warning signs, and have got an action plan for green (e.g. bedtime routine, temazepam, contacting cpn), just need to do action plans for amber and red. I think they will be difficult as I don't want increased meds etc, have to wait and see what is suggested.

Has anyone else found relapse planning helped them? I am hoping it will help if I actually make contact as early as they say.

snowy I haven't done it, but sounds like a really good idea, and as you say if you feel yourself worsen you're clear what to do and hopefully early contact will minimise things.

UA really good to hear the funeral went well. Take care and rest as much as you can x

I still don't see why I haven't been referred back to my GP, unfortunately the psych wasn't there today or I'd have asked.

Can't advise you on this one I'm afraid - is there anyone you can ask tomorrow?

I'll need to wait til next week, it's ok.

well.
just a quickie from me. i think i need to take a step back from MN for a bit really - the police bashing thread on chat is really really hurting me - i know its stupid and i know i should just not read it. DH keeps telling me that. But i feel the ridiculous need to keep jumping up and down shouting "no - im not like that. honest." when it does sod all good - people have their opinion and im not going to change it am i.

I have a bit of good news though. DS has been offered a job - a proper one, full time, in web design and support. starting salary 20k.
the only draw back is that it is in devon! we live in yorkshire!

i am scared but he really wants to go for it - and i must let him. It is in his field, they seem very keen, they are paying his train fare and overnight stay to go and meet them. He had a phone interview and passed it, they asked him technical questions and he did really well.
they will pay his first month rent too in order to help him relocate.

i am terrified. i know i didnt want him home permanently but gosh....i didnt think he would be moving to the other end of the country either...

i have made him promise me that he will get a cleaner.

we will help him move. im a bit stunned really - i am really pleased for him and that he finds the resources no matter what.

but i just dont want him to disappear and im scared that he will be so far away.

Hi hoochy, nice to see a fellow student Also Zombie and UA

LEM - I'm the same with exams - the Christmas ones were really stressful though as they were suddenly a lot harder than any I'd done before, but this time I knew what to expect so it's not been nearly as bad.

Interesting what you say about the CBT - I'd always been under the impression that it was quite good, but I have no idea what it involves. In what way are you told what to do? Totally agree about the scientist part being a problem though! A project sounds interesting, even if it's currently on hold - what kind of project?

Silvery - I think counselling focusing on the bad times would probably be helpful for me as I'm still not sure what's caused all this... You're right though, I should try and keep an open mind whatever it turns out to be like, at least for long enough to stick with it for a while

Snowy - glad your group went well, having an action plan definitely sounds like a positive step.

CiQ, I was inspired by your brownie to go out and buy cookies - not M&S ones unfortunately but they were Asda Extra Special so that'll have to do

Not sure I'd quite call this a positive day, I've been feeling a bit out of it and not exactly myself... think that's down to the sleep problems more than anything. I got a huge amount of revision done though so at least it was productive.

Night all, hope to see you tomorrow for chats and virtual

Night TirAnna and like the sound of the cookies

xx

(((vicar))) seen the thread you mean. Please, hide it.

Wow that's another newsflash about your DS. Brilliant he's been offered a good job, but completely get how you must feel about the prospect of him being such a distance. Hope you're able to find something to bring you some peace tonight (ratties?) after what sounds like a tumultuous evening. Take care x