Bipolar support thread?

[Crawling]

Ive noticed there are quite a few of us and thought maybe a thread for us would be good. All are welcome those diagnosed and those awaiting diagnosis.

Ill start with Ive been depressed so long now I dont remember how I used to feel, yet id still prefer this to mania as the havoc I reaked last time was very painful to clean up after my episode. If I had to chart my mood today between 1-10 1 being I cant think how to make a cup of tea and 5 being good 10 being the tv is talking to me and I must go out now im about a 3 today what about you guys?

I understand that about not eating because you are depressed. I actually look best at 9 stone im very muscular so ive always been heavier that girls the same size IYSWIM. I would accept a stone weigh gain but I cant accept anymore that that really.

Can I join?

I'm going through a shitty situation right now. I'm on benefits, I have two children, we are really struggling, our debts are piling up and my anxiety is through the roof. I keep thinking my boyfriend of four years is cheating on me or thinking of other women yet he's not really given me any warning signs. It really is all in my head.

I lie to my CPN and say I'm fine as SS are lightly involved (a visit a month lately to check in) due to past episodes and I'm on medication which stop the bigger episodes. I don't trust SS and I don't feel like I can trust anyone right now. I'm just pushing on for my DC's and holding it together until bed time.

Crawling you probably know anyway but muscle weighs heavier than fat so i understand you can still look the same size as someone but weigh more. I'm with you on no more than a stone is acceptable......for one if means you have to go and buy more clothes......which is horrible having to go up a dress size or two when you have an ed.....not to mention the cost!

Sorry things are so crappy for you Laura, i hope things get better for you. I have not got any good advice I'm afraid, not in a great place myself at the moment sorry, xx

Laura hi and welcome I know how hard it is on benefits are you claiming dla? Or esa? I also sugget being honest with your cpn as the sooner you get meds in the more likely they are to work. If ss are involved and you ignore the warning signs and end up very ill then they will take a negative view on that. But if you show you are trying your best to avoid relapses and doing the right thing they will probably ease up.

I'm taking my meds so my episodes are fine but anxiety, paranoia and sleep are big issues that need fixing.

I'm going back on ESA at the psychiatrists request as I won't need to deal with signing on but I came off ESA as I got a full time job, lost it during the probation period thanks to me being generally crap and for some reason I went on to JSA rather than ESA. At the time I was just thankful for aid again. I'm pretty scared ESA will mess up all my benefits or that it will mess up due to the reform. I rely on them and its such a scary time right now for both benefits and looking for suitable work.

You can still have your meds increased because you are getting ill. You say you suffer anxiety I had a anti depressant added to the mix to stop anxiety maybe this is a option.

I have a emergency appointment with a different pych as mine is on leave today. Im quite nervous.

Not surprised your nervous Crawling.....they never seem to have read your notes fully and you end up having to go over so much that your normal psych would already know in my experience. It's nice to see the same person as you get used to them and vice versa........good luck today, xx

Thanks juney im worried he wont believe me either but on the plus side I have my first night out in 2 years tonight and im still losing weight on the new meds yay.

Hope you have a good night out, sounds like you well and truly deserve it hun, two years is a long time!
I have a hen night a week on Friday....just hoping i feel up to it, x

Oh lovely I hope you feel like going it can be great to have a night out. It will probably do you good.

I hope so too Crawling.

Warning pathetic rant coming up here............I'm a bit pissed off at the moment...mainly PMT but just had a visit from somebody from the crisis team as I've been seeing them whilst my Psych is away on Holiday due to stopping of med's and starting new etc.. i have mentioned up thread.

Anyway she was asking various things and then said how are relations with your MIL i gather you do not get on..........i had to think for a while as i get on fine with MIL generally yes she annoys me sometimes and me her probably but we have never had a cross word.
Then i remembered three days after med changes and after a couple of days of the shakes and constant crying we had lunch at in inlaws, some members of the team had come to see me later that day and asked how i felt and i was telling them and said i was highly irritable. I was telling them and half in a jokey way that i had had to sit through a meal where the family reminisced about a row of shops near their old house, which they have done on a few occasions....and how it's not the same anymore blah blah going on about all the types and names of the shops and who ran them.... i already knew as I've heard it all before, i just sat and listened getting quietly irritable....not their fault and i knew that.

Then as we were leaving MIL asked me what my next door neighbor's surname was SIL probably went to school with her kids....then proceed to tell me yet again and probably for about the third or fourth time that my next door used to be a drunk and used to ride her bike drunken down the road with a child on the front. Now she told me about this woman years ago before we lived here...and has decided recently that our next door neighbor is this woman...usually i just nod and say ooo that's terrible but this time i was like i really think you must be mistaken as our next door neighbor is lovely, i have never seen her drunk......her children although now all in their 30's and 40's come to see her regularly and phone her at night to check on her (she has told me) and i hear the phone go at a certain time every night. I'm totally going off track now but i MIL really pissed me off, where i would usually agree or just nod i was like no i think you have got her wrong and if she was a drunk she isn't now well not an obvious one. Did not say this in a horrible way to MIL and we didn't fall out. When i was talking to the crisis team that day i was saying it while kind of laughing at how ridiculous it was and that i knew med's were making me irritable as i wouldn't normally get irritable in this sort of situation, well maybe a little lol

But now a week and a half down the line it's written in my notes that i do not get on with my MIL, that i am pissed off about. I'm going to be so wary in the future if they can twist that, what about the actual serious things??!

Anyway i don't expect any replies about this just getting it off my chest.....and breath.......just wish my flipping period would just actually start and i may feel a little better.

Juney the cpns have to write it Down to get a pattern of your behaviour so they can see when your up or down.

Doctor told me to double my dose on Monday.

How many people here have drunk once in a blue mooln on meds? What happened?

Morning all,

How was your night out Crawling? did you have a drink? xx

I didnt drink I felt it was too soon on a new med. But I had a good time I got up on the karoke did 4 songs it was good fun. Thanks for asking.

Glad you had a good time, wouldn't catch me on karoke as i sound like a strangled cat lol but good on you. Your right about it being too soon with new med's and drinking......just hope i am as sensible next week......i have a bit of a problem with drink and tend to binge....go months without then let myself down.

Oh crawling, so brave to do karaoke! I used to sing in a band, but i think I'd rather eat toenails than sing in public these days! I don't really drink anymore, because I find it magnifies whatever mood I'm in at that moment. That being said, if I've been stable for more than a few weeks I'll have a little ale, or a glass of wine. I sooo know how to party these days...

On other news, I'm feeling a little better, though I'm not sure whether its because I'm getting high again (af is due tomorrow, anyone else find they tend to have a blip when they're due on?) or because DP insisted on giving me zolpidem to make sure I slept well. Either way, I'm not complaining; just being grateful for even a little respite from the evils of depression. How's everyone else today?

Ah, Juney, see you answered my question before I even asked it- must read threads properly. It sucks, doesn't it?

Goddess im glad your feeling better. I am struggeling with withdrawal and side effects of new meds while my mood is good I feel worse worse than if I have flu.

Re karoke/singing im always amazed at dp he cant sing at all(its painful) yet he gets on karoke I go on but I can sing pretty good.

How is everyone im pretty manic doc has double my doses I have to see pychiatrist every two weeks cpn every week and talk on the phone every other day.

I hope im not sectioned. Im down to sleeping in one hour spurts ten waking up for half hour getting about 4 hours total.

Had to cut contact with mum because I feel so so angry at her I just want to hit her.

Anyone had sedatives to in addition to meds to make them sleep?

Really dont want to be sectioned.

When I start going a bit bonkers, I get zopiclone 7.5mg and its great for making sure I get a reasonable amount of sleep. If I stop sleeping, things get bad quickly. Do you think they'd prescribe some for you?

As for me, I'm meh. Just meh.

What's your mum done to hack you off?

Nothing new really I just seem to have picked her for my target . I will ask about zopiclone what is it? Sad that you are feeling meh.

Awww Crawling really hope the upping of the dosage kicks in and stabilises you asap!

Really feel for you with the sleeping it's just awful when it's like that, are you getting vivid dreams when you are sleeping too?.....i get that so it's not a good quality of sleep then when i wake i'm all confused and then it just repeats like that all through the night so by morning i feel dreadful.

Recently i have had Zopiclone along with clonazepam it really helped and i slept for longer chunks of time without so many weird dreams.

As for your mum (i saw the other thread) i'm not surprised you are upset at her you are doing the best thing by cutting her out for the moment, you have enough on your plate as it is.

Really hope things improve soon hun.

Babyheave Meh is a good summing up of how i feel at the mo too, xxx

Thanks juney I wonder sometimes if im too hard on her as she was admitted and did spend most of her life depressed.
Came from a very broken home alcholic wife beating father.
I do have vivid dreams which are very annoying.
Thank you.