Just started on Citalopram

[Nanabana]

Have read old threads about side affects and quite worrying, but will give it a go. Hope it kicks in soon

sparklingbrook am starting to feel better already, but have a way to go the first few days on it were tough though, but I was backed into a corner, so kept on - well - keeping on - and taking it. A couple of days, I just had to go for a nap after work, and leave the kids to it for a while (15 & 9) am lucky that they could sort themselves out for a while, but the tiredness has worn off now. Am thinking about lactulose though...

Hi everyone, I've not been on for quite a while with it being half term.. I was surprised to see this thread on the most active and with so many new posters! Really hope it's been of help to all. It has been to me xx

ColouringIn.. I'm so sorry you felt so so down last week, so sorry I wasn't on here. Hope you're feeling a lot better now x

So the side effects have all gone.. It's been 3 and a bit weeks since I started. It feels like the fog has lifted, especially at work, I feel like myself again, motivated, working hard. I even went in both days last weekend as I feel like I need to make up for lost time! it feels good to
finally feel like I'm being productive. I am fighting the feelings of what my colleagues might be thinking of my work, I have been pushing on regardless.

I feel like I'm a much more effective mum. I've been enjoying being with dc, at times I have felt so so grateful to finally feel good that i have literally jumped with joy when with them. The dc have also
seemed to have noticed the change in me.. They're enjoying time with me.. To think that I haven't been giving them the best of me makes me feel so bad. During these recent good moments with dc, I almost
wish I could ask my gp to up my dosage to ensure the feeling doesn't go away.

On the other hand there have been periods of anxiety, eating away at me. When I saw someone recently and they told me they'd moved to a particular area specifically to be within the catchment area of an outstanding school, I went into panic mode and was questioning
myself as a mother and why I hadn't thought in the same way when we recently made an offer on a house which isn't within the catchment of the great school.. I considered taking a few extra citaloprams for a
couple of days hoping it would make the worry go away. There have been other things that haven't change too, eg overly worrying about what others will say etc.

But I have felt the benefits, I don't wish for bad things to happen to me anymore, I'm enjoying life a bit more.

Reenie... Goodness, you had a horrific experience, hope you're ok now.

Mechanical, hope you're doing better. How's it going with uni?

Geeklover, hows it going on the new ADs?

Citalobrain.. That phonecall sounds like my perfect nightmare - hope you've recovered from it and are no longer stressing about what the other person must think as chances are they are no longer thinking about it.

Hi,would appreciate joining this post.

Took citalopram 10 years ago now for PND,I was in an abusive marriage too.
Roll on 10 years & I am re-married to a wonderful ,supportive dh,we had a dd 6 years ago & have been fighting to get her dx'd,we did last year with a rare form of CP.Her issues are very complex,the main one being she cannot speak.I struggled with this massively & had private counselling at the beginning of last year to help me deal with her disabilities.I feel that the counselling was successful,but I must admit the dx brought up more issues too.I was also made redundant from a job I loved over 2 years ago now & have been out of work since as caring for dd is such a full time job!

Over the past 6 months I have been becoming increasingly 'down',have lost my 'get up & go'.I have been ignoring this really & battling on,but it has been getting worse.On Friday night my best friend asked me if I was happy & then it hit me that I had become depressed again.I am embarressed & frustrated about it as I have a great dh & cannot understand why this has happened again.

But I am going to make an appointment with my GP tomorrow & tell him that I need some help.I have thought in the past that I really did not want to go back on AD's again,but I think I need that extra help to get me back on track & enjoying life,which I don't do atm.
Sorry for going on but I checked out this post & you all seemed very supportive of each other & that is just what I need atm.Thanks

chickens there's no need to be embarrassed by being depressed (although I can understand the feeling.)

Welcome to the thread.

I've been an idiot and come to my parents without enough medication. Going back today and only missed one dose, but I had the most awful nightmares last night which I'm sure is related to withdrawal.

Nana I'm glad that you're doing better, despite the anxiety. Uni is going ok, had a few days off which I think I needed. Now got 8000 words to write in a month, which is a bit intimidating, but trying to be calm and tell myself it's 200 words a day, which is more than doable.

pixwixs I think I may be having the same side effects as you.

Today is my 5th dose. The nausea is subsiding gradually but I have not appetite. the spacey feeling and inability to concentrate is still there. I haven't done a lot for the past few days. i'm trying to set myself small tasks to complete each day so I feel like I've accomplished something - I think that's a good idea. I haven't exercised for a week so tomorrows goal is to go to a yoga class that I always enjoyed before.
I've only had 3 days off work in total but am starting to stress about going back next week. I have to do 2x12 hour shifts and I have a job where I can get in a lot of trouble for the most minuscule mistake. I'm afraid of messing up and knocking my confidence, especially as I know I'm not on the ball at the moment. but I'm also afraid of taking the time off. By lucky coincidence I have a holiday booked and if I take those two 2 days off it will take me up up to my holidays, just worried people will think I'm taking the piss.

nanbana I can empathies with the anxiety levels rising when you start thinking about what others are thinking / saying about you. It's one of the things that's a real trigger for me.

chickensaresafehere I don't know if this will help you but I always remember what a very kind person told me a few years back. " Think of your life like a long piece of string. All that's happened at the moment is that you are in a loop, soon that loop will bring you back to where you were before all of this started and you will be able to carry on your life again." I try to hold on to that when I feel like there is no light at the of the tunnel x

Thanks MechanicalTheatre & ReenieMartini
Told dh this morning which was incredibly difficult for me(memories of the past&all that)but he has been so very supportive&understanding.I keep saying 'I'm sorry' as I feel my depression is a reflection on him
It gives me hope when I read that people are starting to feel better after taking citalopram,it really worked for me first time round,but have bad memories of the initial side effects.

this week brings the joys(?) of a day off tomorrow and later in the week the inevitable increase from 10mg to 20
hope all you folks have had as good a weekend as can be managed with the various circs.
Hello Chicken, you're in good company

Hello MrsShrek3,thanks for the welcome!

Hello chickensaresafehere and pixwix you've come to the right thread . Hope you're soon feeling better.
Waves to everyone else (if I've missed anyone its cos my brains still foggy - sorry!) nana, MT, citalobrain, mrsshrek3, geeklover, reenie catgirl, sparkling, lino wow its a good crowd now
MT - good luck with today's 200 words.
Citalobrain - good tip about radio, had forgotten mine this morning...
Nana - great to hear you're feeling better. I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety and self-doubt though. Took my kids to school this morning and overheard another mum talking about how she'd booked her sons party in in May already as she was now fully booked with University finals work (she has 3 kids under about 8), which made me feel like a real inadequate, and pretty sick to my stomach... Really trying this morning not to do the comparing thing, but sometimes it feels like everyone else is happier, more successful, doing more proactive stuff with their kids... blah. Anyhow, am going to be brave and walk in to town later to meet best friend for a coffee
Take care everyone x

Been to Gp this morning & he has started me on a 10mg dose of citalopram for the first 2 weeks,then he will up it to 20mg.
Nervous abot the side effects but determined to stick with it,as I cannot go on feeling like this
Hope today is a good day for all of you & things are improving.

Hi everyone
ColouringIn, wish we could stop doubting ourselves, I'm sure we're great mums, difficult to convince ourselves of this.

Hi Chicken, glad youre on the road to getting better, I think I remember you saying that you took them before years back.. So you'll know it gets worse before it gets better but it will get better.

I missed my dose the last couple of nights, and boy am I feeling the effects. Makes me feel a bit sad and sorry formyself that I need these pills to help me feel a little sane. Been shouting at my poor kids all
morning, resent and hate the people I live with more than ever before,just feel so much pressure. Being the main breadwinner, homemaker, and cater, I just feel so hard done by! I know, I am really feeling sorry for myself but just need to vent somewhere. I've bored my family and friends with my whining enough already, don't want to turn to them anymore which is why I started on citalo in the first
place. Have been tempted to take more than one pill in one go.. I am back to feeling like wanting something bad to happen to me for those around me to actually understand how bad I'm feeling and how bad they make me feel.

ColouringIn, the fact that you worry (althoug I wish you wouldn't worry) shows that you are concerned and think about how you are as a mum, you don't just assume you're thebest, which speaks for itself, ie you are trying the best you can in your situation, which is all you can do. No one is the perfect mum no matter how much they shout about the great things they do for their kids.

Have been weepy and crying all day up until now, took a pill earlier, now starting to feel better, a little more clear minded.

Hi everyone

Nanabana so sorry you've had such a shit time of late :( I think missing a few days will have made quite a difference, I hope you even up a little now you've taken them again.

I couldn't agree with you more about wanting the GP to up the dose. I've had such lovely moments where I've felt normal, but then back under water again. I now worry that I'll have fewer normal moments and have been wondering what I can say to the doc when we have our next phone call that will make her decide to up my dose! I'll just be honest and say feeling flat and feeling anxious seems to be slightly dominant to feeling normal / feeling happy.

Sorry the above doesn't sound like a great ad for the pills, I definitely think they can and will work, it's just a question of getting the right dose. I left it for so long (year+) before seeing the doc despite knowing I was massively depressed, so perhaps it will take a stronger dose to shift out of it?

ColouringIn I couldn't put it better than Nanabana has put it :) You are doing fantastically well in the midst of suffering depression. What you are managing is what other people manage day to day without depression. You should be really proud of yourself for that x

Self-doubt, anxiety etc. are just the worst part of it all. Have you tried CBT by the way? I have CBT for dummies and found it really helpful, I should go back to it as my anxiety is spiraling up again.

Really sorry not to name check everyone, but worried I'll leave someone out inadvertently, so sending everyone a hug, and hello to the new peeps, and hope everyone is managing okay today.

Take care everyone x

The side effects have totally gone for me now, thank God.

I'm not feeling THAT great though. I feel anxious a lot of the time and can't be bothered with university.

I need to get back into doing meditation, that helped me so much.

Nana, sorry you were feeling bad but good that you've picked up a bit.

Hi Nana sorry to hear you've been feeling rubbish I know what you mean about wanting people to know just how awful you feel. I really hope getting back on track with the drugs helps level you out. Thanks to you and citalobrain for your kind words, I will keep re-reading them... My OH has benefitted a lot from CBT so its def on my radar. It's weird though, some of the anxiety I find it hard to pinpoint on a partic issue, eg cooking tea for me and the kids this eve I just got more and more stressed (only macaroni cheese!) and hyperventilating, so am wondering if its more chemical when its like that (brain just not working properly?) and diff from the negative thoughts - like this morning's playground thing? I am back to Doc on Wed so will see what she thinks about dosage - upping/switching... like you citalobrain I think I was mild/moderate depressed on and off for a lot of last year so there's prob a way to go now.
MT how long have you been on cital now? are you due a review soon?
chicken wishing you lots of luck, hopefully starting out on 10mg will mean the side-effects aren't toooo bad.
Take care everyone x

Not on citalopram colouringin, I'm on sertraline. Been on it for about 4 weeks now and going in on Thursday to see what the score is.

Reenie am on dose 12 now, and the spacey feeling has pretty much worn off - sounds like you have the same job as me without going into detail, but I talked to my manager, and they looked out for me..

colouringin I get a general anxiety about all sorts of stuff that mounts and mounts - feeling am not spending enough time with the kids, other mothers cope better, the state of the house, work, not sorting out finances, not being dynamic enough etc, forgetting things for book day/inset day/comic relief/raffle tickets (delete as appropiate) and sometimes it feels overwhelming - like I am going round in ever-decreasing circles.

Can't sleep tonight. Very anxious. I'm having a lot of problems in my relationship and its just going round and round in my head. Tried meditating, reading, browsing Internet, but this horrible feeling of worthlessness and panic won't go away.

Hi MT sorry sert of course. Hope you managed to get some sleep eventually. I've been forced to read chick-lit to calm brain down at bedtime
Reenie that sounds very familiar - this morning realised hadn't done my son's reading...
Dropped DD8 off at school today and she wouldn't settle, ended up having to leave her with the lovely lady in the school office, in tears. Only positive is a couple of weeks ago that would have completely finished me off, whereas I managed to stay calm, so that is some bit of progress.
Hope everyone has an OK day today x

Got a little bit of sleep in the end, now half way through a six hour day of lectures :/

Just want to curl up in bed, feel so rubbish.

{{hugs}} MT. That's a great achievement - hang in there.
I had my first counselling today. Counsellor seemed nice. It was pretty tough though and doesn't feel very "natural" (a bit embarassing) but I think prob does need to be done. Exhausted now...

Well finally finished for the day. I feel so anxious, panicky...

I'm glad your counsellor was nice Colouring. I think it IS embarrassing, especially in the beginning. It was VERY hard for me to try to be honest and not worry about being judged. I always felt like she was thinking inside "oh my god, you KNOB" even though she was lovely. It's just very hard to shake off that shame, I think.

"you knob" yes did feel a bit of a basketcase! I've found the last couple of days I've got more anxious as the day's gone on - I think justmaybe cumulative mental exhaustion - does that sound possible? - I cannot imagine lasting a day of lectures - well done. Hope you can take it easy this eve.
Back to docs 2moro so will get her perspective...
take care x

Hello everyone

Pixwix I so identify with what you wrote. The relentlessness of everything is getting to me. I feel like I have so many demands from my family (demands is probably a bit strong) and obligations to people and so often I feel like just running away. I fantasise about taking off to a small remote village or a massive city where no one knows me and just hiding! I've started feeling like that again which makes me think I need some tweaking / adjustment to my medication. Glad your side effects have subsided :)

Mechanical, poor you. Tell you doc everything and see what they suggest. Perhaps you need a higher dose? Or another drug altogether? I think we all so often say "I'm fine" that it's sometimes hard to admit the gritty truth that we're actually really "not fine" when we need to. Sending you a {hug}

ColouringIn so glad the counselling went well :) It is hard starting out. I remember being embarrassed by how silly my feelings sounded when I said them out loud! It's hard to articulate your feelings but it will massively help. Good luck with the doc on Thursday. Are you going to ask about changing anything or are you happy (you know what I mean!) with how things are at the moment?

I have 2 weeks left before I have to call for a new prescription so I'm going to give it 1 week and then call and speak to my GP. Things don't feel better any more. I dread the day ahead, even with nothing scary planned. I don't even want to be bouncing out of bed with a massive smile on my face, I just want to not dread everything.

Hope everyone has a good day. Sorry my post was not very positive :( x