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Original poster

Driving away

999 replies

Pumble · 28/12/2012 00:52

I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone

OP posts:
Wylye · 11/05/2013 11:39

Morning Pumble, hope the weekend has got off to a good start, if it hasn't, we're all here and ready to listen.
PND is a long road, perhaps you could go back to your Doc and see if maybe your ADs need adjusting? You may need to switch to a different one.

Have you taken the plunge and broached any of this with any of your friends yet?
Maybe it's time for that meet up, I'm still here and still free - just give me a shout.
A RL chat might help. xxx

magimedi · 12/05/2013 12:08

So sorry to hear things have got tough again. I'd also say to go back to your GP, you may need a change of medication.

Huge hugs, you'll get there. xxx

rowrowrowtheboat · 15/05/2013 08:30

Morning Pumbe.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/05/2013 15:00

Pumble we are here if you want to offload, don't be embarrassed, raising a family isn't a competition. Take care x

Wylye · 18/05/2013 22:11

We'll be here when you're ready xxx

magimedi · 19/05/2013 10:41

^ Wot Wylye said! xxx

LittleBearPad · 19/05/2013 18:16

^ also agreeing with Wylie xx

rowrowrowtheboat · 20/05/2013 20:47

^ absolutely, and you're getting my very first MN hug. Might start doing it more often now Wylye has started me off....

rowrowrowtheboat · 20/05/2013 21:00

Oh, and know that there are RL people here on MN who think of you at random points in the day, wishing you well, even if we are not posting. Draw strength and solidarity from that. We believe in you. Raising a family isn't a competition but sometimes it feels like a marathon, with good bits, hard bits and lots of tiredness. We're all running it together though.

magimedi · 26/05/2013 22:41

I was driving, well actually crawling, round the M25 today & I knew I was in Pumble land - and I thought of you.

We are still all here for you........................

xxxxxxxxxxx

Original poster
Pumble · 27/05/2013 22:54

I was going to check in properly tonight but time disappeared. Suffice to say I am surviving but when I post properly (hopefully tomorrow evening) you will see that it's been a challenge! And at the moment, all I need is 'surviving'. As long as we are all still alive at the end of the day and the pumblettes have smiled and laughed I count that as a success.

Knowing you are all rooting for me really helps in the dark times-thank you Smile

OP posts:
Wylye · 28/05/2013 01:50

Oh it's good to hear from you!

Someone else on here once said something like "All fed and none dead" = a good day! (I can't even say that today - DS is in starvation mode again!)

Hope you get a good night, and manage to drink a Brew while it's still hot in the morning. xx

magimedi · 28/05/2013 08:43

It's a horrible wet morning here and you've really cheered me up, Pumble!

Agree with the 'all fed & none dead' motto.

So pleased you've posted.

rowrowrowtheboat · 28/05/2013 08:45

Good morning Pumble. My DDs have a very similar age gap. Believe me, it does get easier. Not every day will feel like running the gauntlet. Since DD2 was 9 months I started to see them playing together, and that has grown and grown. I can snatch time for jobs, or a quiet, hot cuppa in the kitchen while they play now, and I would have given anything for that at the beginning.

Hope you've got something nice planned for this rainy morning. We have decorated DD1s bedroom over the weekend so every room has extra stuff in it. I am going to ignore all the mess and tidying that is around me and go for a play date instead.

rowrowrowtheboat · 31/05/2013 20:17

Evening pumble. Would you lovely ladies join me for a glass of wine?

Wylye · 31/05/2013 20:56

Evening! Wine
Now where's that chocolate emoticon everybody's been talking about?

rowrowrowtheboat · 31/05/2013 21:23

Evening! Oh, I really need chocolate too. Hope you have had a good week. And Pumble.

Original poster
Pumble · 31/05/2013 22:26

Evening all! Wine and chocolate definitely been needed here recently!!

Thank goodness the sun finally came out today - rainy days had definitely been beginning to get the better of me - we seemed to spend most of the time drying ourselves out!

Life has definitely had its up and downs recently, but pumblette 1 lying on the floor saying 'oh dear me' over and over today as she thought that it was just so funny was definitely an up!

So a brief overview....Mr Pumble got sent away for three weeks with work again (he's finally home next week) - I was not impressed (I think his company realised this as they sent me flowers this week) and it has turned me into 'crazy knitting lady'....! Pumblette 1 decided that nappies were rubbish the week before Mr P went away which was fun! To be fair, she has been a superstar but I keep waiting for it to all suddenly come crashing down on me! And, Pumblette 2 needed to start weaning... And then, my Granny died last week and I'm currently trying to work out how to get me and the pumblettes to the funeral. I haven't seen a 'human' to talk to (other than the people on a checkout etc) since last Saturday so I'm not sure how sane I still am....! Gosh, that seems like a big moan - sorry.

It was really tough in the lead up to Mr P going away and I just wanted to curl up into a ball. I've been doing ok, but am struggling to stay patient this week in particular - I think it's the lack of adult company. The pumblettes are being really good but I'm finding it bloody hard work. I guess I didn't want to post as didn't want to admit how hard everything had got again - I just get so cross with myself when it feels like one step forward and ten steps back. I'm not sure how much any of that makes sense really - as I say, I'm not sure how sane I am anymore.

I get so cross too for snapping at pumblette 1 too, especially when she is such a good girl most of the time, but it can just get so wearing at times.

Hope you are all doing well and enjoying the long awaited sunshine!

OP posts:
rowrowrowtheboat · 31/05/2013 22:35

Cheers Wine. So sorry to hear about your granny. Such as sad time. I hope you find a way to get to the funeral.

It is so hard when you are home alone, but remember you have done it before and can do it again.

Don't feel guilty at snapping, it happens. Try and get a little time with them, or go fairy hunting in the woods amongst the bluebells in the sunshine. I might do that tomorrow.

Can you setup a play date for early next week so you get some adult company? See if you can send text now.

Oh, and please please tell me what you are knitting. I was knitting a rabbit, but then MN got my attention! Haven't knitted in weeks!

rowrowrowtheboat · 31/05/2013 22:36

And, how is life without nappies for Pumblett 1?

Original poster
Pumble · 31/05/2013 22:42

Just been knitting boring hats for the pumblettes for winter (maybe I should embroider 'pumblette' onto them). About to start a cardigan but a little nervous as it's all still relatively new (well, not new, but it's been a long time!). I did see fabulous pattern for a Noah's Ark the other day which I would love to do, but must get on with the cardigans first! It's been keeping me going in the evenings - thankfully it's making time disappear!

Funeral is on Tuesday and as it's such a distance will have to leave on Monday to get there so not planning anything for next week yet.

We're off to our local NT property again tomorrow morning I hope for lots of duck and rabbit hunting and statue hunting! Fingers crossed the pumblettes get a good night so that they are in a good mood!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pumble · 31/05/2013 22:44

Pumblette 1 is very happy without nappies - no accidents on day one, day two was bad and none since then which was three weeks ago. I keep waiting for it to go wrong....! I do still get panicky on long car journeys though if she has a nap... I think if we go to the funeral, I will just have to accept that if she naps there may be an accident as it's harder to plan naps if we're in the car if that makes sense.

OP posts:
rowrowrowtheboat · 31/05/2013 22:53

Definately embroider Pumblette on the hats. Go for the cardigan, you can always unlit a row if it goes wrong,or start again. The toy I am doing is sitting in the knitting bag while I surf MN involved new patterns and I was really chuffed. It could all go wrong when I start stitching it together though.

Put a muslin clothed under in the car, and extra clothes. Have you got a plan for getting to the funeral? It sounds like it is all going brilliantly, she must feel really proud of herself.

Enjoy NT and the ducks.

Wylye · 01/06/2013 00:24

Hello Crazy Knitting Pumble! Wine [Dairy Milk]

Pumblette 1's "Oh dear me" and nappylessness sounds great - good on her!
How's P2 doing? Showing much interest in solids yet?

You sound pretty sane to me lovey - well done, it's bloody hard when Mr P's away.
I'm sorry about your Granny. Thanks

Have a lovely time with the ducks and rabbits in the morning, I hope you see lots of ducklings, they always cheer me up! xx

magimedi · 01/06/2013 11:16

Hallo Pumble!

You sound like you are coping pretty damn well to me. Hope you have got the lovely sunny weather we've got today & that all goes well with getting to the funeral & the occasion itself.