Really struggling with motherhood

[Annals1989]

Hi all.
I hope someone can offer some friendly advice. I'm feeling quite fragile to say the least.
I was on citalopram before I fell pregnant, but I was taken off it by the GP because of my pregnancy. Now I'm a mother and things just seem to be getting harder. I thought as your baby gets older its supposed to get easier?? My little girl is 3 months old and things just seem to be getting worse.
I've got no support as my OH is rubbish and says everything is my fault/problem so I need to deal with it (meaning looking after our baby) I'm with her 7 days a week on my own pretty much and I just don't know how much more I can cope with. I feel so lonely and isolated.
I feel scared to go back to the GP again as I feel like I have failed as a mum. Parents are supposed to be strong and great role models - neither of which I feel.
I just need to know that im not alone in feeling this way. I just think my little one is better off without me :-(

No one will think you have failed as a mum. Go back to your doctors.

You're not alone at all. We all feel like this sometimes. Please see your gp, you're not failing as a mum. You're coping admirably, you need support though, that's not a sign of failure. Acknowledging you need support is a sign of strength. Thinking of you x

I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time but make no mistake your little one would not be better off with out you. Feeling like this isn't uncommon i can think of quite a few friends who felt like this and GPs are hyper alert for PND. You should talk to them they will be able to help. It sounds like you need much more support than you are getting, the way your partner acts is concerning. Is there a friend or relative you can talk to about this?

P.s it does get easier. I found 4-6 months to be a lot easier, until they learn to crawl anyway!

I just know that sooner or later im going to lose the plot completely. I hate speaking to GP's face to face makes it that much harder. I can't help but think that all the people trying to conceive are mad.... But then I think its obviously just me as all other mums I know seem to be coping fine.

Thank you Fushzia. I have tried speaking to his mum about his lack of support but didn't really get anywhere. I thought after 5 years I knew him well enough to have a baby with but he's turned out to be such a let down

It's a lonely place but you are not alone and there's lots of mums who can say "I was you once and I got through that."
Please see your Dr. Be honest. They will help you.

I think the first 6 months are a bewildering fog. So don't give yourself high expectations on what you should be doing in motherhood.

Going for walk with the pram everyday helps. Perhaps start looking to join a music or swimming group for you and baby. Something fun with other parents. It helps with the loneliness.

You are a very important person in your family unit. Please see your Dr, you don't need to feel like this, it's exhausting to feel like this. Your Dr, health visitor will be glad you have gone for help. It's not failing - it's making things better.

Do you live somewhere with plenty of baby or mum groups? I agree with the others that you should try to see your GP again, but just getting out the house to go to a class or a group a few times a week can make a huge difference. I know I physically dread days when I am in all day on my own with the baby with no one to see or no place to go. It doesn't help.

Show the doctor an edited version of what you've put on here. Your really not alone. I'm just coming off my second lot of ad's.
I won't deny it's a good feeling but I know if I need to I would go back on them.

After a good night sleep with my little girl going through I think I'm going to go to my GP. I know what the OH half will have to say about it but I don't care at the moment to be honest. In the nicest way possible im glad other mums have felt this way either now or in the past. Xx

Good,keep posting if you want. Depression can be a lonely place.
Take are xx

Gosh poor you, just wanted to add my support too! I found first six months so tough, felt the whole motherhood thing was a big conspiracy and couldn't understand why anyone would want to be a mum. It got so much better though, to the point where i have just had my second and even considering a third. Your feelings are so much more common than you can imagine, it's just unfortunate that so few people talk about it. Good luck x

Gosh poor you, just wanted to add my support too! I found first six months so tough, felt the whole motherhood thing was a big conspiracy and couldn't understand why anyone would want to be a mum. It got so much better though, to the point where i have just had my second and even considering a third. Your feelings are so much more common than you can imagine, it's just unfortunate that so few people talk about it. Good luck x

The first 4 months were really hard for me, my DS was out at work from 6am until 7.30pm or later. It was such a relentless hard slog especially as my baby cried all day. It did get better though, I remember really starting to enjoy it from about 4 months when he became a happier child and able to sit on his own. I also joined a mum and baby group which was a bit like group therapy for me and I made some good friends. It will get easier.

You haven't failed. Go and see the GP love.

It may also be worth speaking to your HV, maybe she could have a word with your partner, as he sounds like an insensitive tit. Put it to him that you are working seven days a week, twenty four hours a day, and you deserve both some support and time off! Its his child too. (I'm actually quite angry about his attitude.)

Also get a copy of the local childrens center booklet, with all their group listings in. Meeting some other mums, getting out and about, might help with your mood and your feeling of isolation.

When I told him my job is 24/7 he said its not a proper job and I don't need time off as im the mum. He said he'd help more when she is older and can do more - I wish I could pick and choose! It wouldn't be so bad if he cooked once in a while or at least put her to bed one night. Anyway I could go on forever! Thank you all for your advice/support x

Hi annals1989

I also struggled when i was pregnant and post-natally and for me it went on quite a long time I am on ADs now which have helped a lot. I agree you should see your doc if you were on ADs before then having a baby hasn't magically taken away the reason you were on them before and yo have loads more on your plate now. So please go and see your doc.

Also I have to say that I agree with sirboobalot your partner is really behaving badly. When I was struggling DH was supportive but even with his support I found it terribly difficult. If he had not been looking after me I don't know what would have happened. It sounds as if you have talked to him to try and make him understand how you are feeling and what you need him to do to help and he just refuses? That is really awful.

Do you have family you can talk to about this? Mine are rubbish but I know a lot of people are close to their mums / dads etc.

My mum died 2 years ago hence the anti depressants which is also why this is so much harder as I haven't got the support from her. I've spoken to my friends and his family but no one really knows what to do. I feel kinda trapped really. I think I've just got to do what's best for me. Xx

That is really hard, annals, you must be missing your mum so badly at the moment. I am sorry.

You have obviously spoken to your family and DPs mum, and so that is good that you have a relationship like that with so many close people.

Is there anyone in your family you could maybe go and stay with for a little while, get a break? Your dad?

And yes do go to the doctor and yes of course you come first. I don't know what to say about your DP, I don't know any men like him so I don't know how I would tackle it - and you have obviously tried and got nowhere. I think he is behaving terribly.

Well I mean I haven't had a relationship like that with a baby, I'm sure some of the men I know are like that, reading Mn it seems to be quite common.

You have NOT failed as a mother - it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and to struggle with having a baby. I struggled a lot after the birth of my baby and nearly ended up in hospital due to extreme anxiety. Like you, I was on Citralopram before pregnancy. It is important that you go and talk to your doctor about how you are feeling ( they won't think any less of you and will understand because it is very common) - they wll be able to give you support and medication if you feel you need it. It helped me to go to baby groups and meet other Mum's and I started to talk openly to friends and family about how I was feeling and it really helped.
GOOD LUCK/

I've just realised, maybe it's not motherhood im struggling with, it's my relationship. Last night ended in tears again. We came to bed and he dropped something on the side and it made a noise so I said in a whisper "sshh please place things down quietly" as baby asleep at end of bed he then picked it up again and purposely dropped it from a height which again made a loud noise. I was in shock at his disrespect for our sleeping daughter. Then I just said "I'm done I can't be with you like this anymore".
Now it's a new day im even more confused. I just know that I could cope better with the daily challenges with my baby girl if I had support from him.

Hi Annals

It sounds like your OH is suffering from some major jealousy issues, hence his lack of respect for you and DD. It's not excuse, but a possible reason. Could you talk to him about it, or is it past that stage?

I can't say I've been through anything like this, because I haven't, but I remember some wise words (I think from MN) when I was feeling unworthy after having DS, and I'll pass it on to you - You are DD's only mum and only you can ever be DD's mum. Good or bad, you are the only mum she has, and she has nothing to compare you to, so to her, you are the best mum in the world!

Thank you Jeezaloo, that's a really nice thing to say. Just gave my little girl a big squeeze and she looked at me in such a funny way lol.
I have tried speaking to my oh on several occasions and it just ends badly. I'm going to try and get it through one more time tonight over a meal. Something's got to change.

Annals, didn't want to read and run but I just wanted to say I've been there but am coming out the other side. Had PND with DD (born in 2008) and with DS (10 months now). It seemed worse this time and I'm now on sertraline. A few months ago I cd have happily killed or divorced DH. Specific (noddy type) instructions about what he needed to do to help made a bit of difference but even that was hard sometimes, on top of everything else.

Gotta run- kids need seeing to. Will be back later. You're doing a great job. Make appointment to see GP.

Big hug