A sweary thread about anxiety. You have been warned.

[ChickensHaveNoLips]

Fuck off anxiety. Take your shitty, twatting blown-out-of-all-proportion circling thoughts with you. Stop making my poor ole brain fixate and obsess over ridiculous things that raise my heart rate and make me want to run. Stop making me bore myself with this arsing, ridiculous, shitting arseholery.

My name is Chickens, and today I am cripplingly anxious because my dog has got a bit arsey with other dogs trying to take his ball. Yep, it's that twatting trivial. I hate you, brain.

[ChickensHaveNoLips]

Why don't you want to take the meds, Wickety?

[creativepebble]

Really pleased your ds is doing much better Chicken. I was worried that he was having trouble breathing as a result of your dog (athsma) and there I was saying dogs can be healing and not to worry about your dog, not that I fucking over think things or anything. Phew. I thought I had been an insensitive cow, unintentionally...! Kept me from sleeping for a bit.
Rediculous.

AAAAAAaaaaaaaaanyway. Good.
Wickety - take them and if the effects are bad, stop immediately perhaps? You are in control but you need to try to allow them to work their magic.

[UmmOfUmbridge]

Aghhhhh I love you guys!! Fuck off stupid brain that tells my heart to go fucking BANG BANG and my bloody head to go swimmy for no reason other than I'm lying in bed overthinkIng.
So pleased im not the only one who over analyses every single fucking conversation I have every day... I hadn't even realised I did it until now but yes! Theres another fucking nutty side of me.
Fuck anxiety that tells me I can't take my kids for long country walks because there might be no toilet nearby even though I would never need one unless I knew there wasn't one and my brain makes my stomach churn and I have full on fucking panic...

And yy to the wrecked pregnancies due to my crazy anxieties about even leaving the bloody house.

I'm not too bad on meds now but sometimes it flares up and I get so pissed off that I can't control it.

Fuckety fuck off anxiety

[OnLineCBTTherapist]

Fucking excellent thread - YOU are not your anxiety - tell it to fuck right off.

Wanna decent book by a professor who swears as much as you?

Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety

www.amazon.co.uk/Things-Might-Terribly-Horribly-Wrong/dp/1572247118/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1342692992&sr=8-1-fkmr0&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[ChickensHaveNoLips]

Creative, I spent several long nights on the childrens ward worrying about exactly that. But the doc's seem to think it's viral, rather than allergy based. But I still can't relax, and every time DS hugs the dog and rubs his face in his fur I'm on high alert. Thankfully, nothing has happened. Hasn't stopped me endlessly researching dog allergies and asthma, though. I often think that if I could direct all the energy I spend worrying and fretting and obsessing in to something proactive, I'd be very rich and very successful. But as it is 60% of my mental energy goes on ridiculous, petty shit that is just brain junk food.

I have my first driving lesson in over a year tonight and I am dreading it. Bollocks.

Wickety, what side effects are you worried about?

[creativepebble]

Chickens - The allergy for me is cats. I'm OK with dogs and own one too so hopefully your ds will be all good there. Thanks for getting back.

Had a fucking shit day.

Have just brought the book recommended up there. Probably won't read it though, just expect the act of buying it to do the job. Wank.

[FanjoPingpong]

Fuck that fucking shitty day. Horrific, half-truth gaslighting lies told about me and my anxiety is thumping at me, "What if it's true? What if you are [all those horrible things]?" and won't shut up and now it's 2am.

[BitOfACyclePath]

Fuck you anxiety that stops me from taking my kids out to do fun things in case there is no toilet near by.

Fuck off to the anxious thoughts that keep me awake at night.

[Lozislovely]

Anxiety can fuck the hell off today so I can actually go to the poxy fucking garden centre to buy some poxy fucking plants.

Oh, but I can't can I anxiety, cos you'll get me in such a poxy fucking state like you did the last time that I'll need to run like fucking hell out of there.

Thanks a fucking bunch

[ChickensArentEligableForGold]

A very sweary fucking bump!

My anxiety has come back with a vengence in the last few days. Still circling the dog. Now I go to bed every night worrying and panicky that the dog will wake me up in the night barking. He has done this on three separate occassions, twice because he was ill and once when the hoover fell over in the night and scared the shit out of him. We've had him nearly a year. All of these incidents have happened in the last three months, however, and now I'm not sleeping anticipating being woken up. I fucking hate my arseholing head and it's twatty workings. What has happened to my sense of sodding LOGIC!?!?!

[livingfortoday]

chickens I've only read your first post it is enough..

It articulates exactly how I feel.

I hate myself for feeling sick and it being able to eat because of school gate politics, I really fecking hate it and I know it should not matter.

I have the wine. I will try to pick myself up tomorrow.

But I'm so pleased its not just me thanks for Fred.

[keekeeblue]

Woke up this morning with my mouth swollen so now I think I have mouth cancer. Had to turn off my phone while I saw the counsellor and thought my child would have an accident at school at that particular time. Thought I would get food poisoning by eating potato salad 2 days over use by date. Can't book a craft class as terrifed of entering a room full of people I don't know - they might TURN AND STARE AT ME!!!! Had to use the toilet in coffee shop - I might have caught someones germs when opening the door on the way out! Read that SARS is in the country so now I think I will probably catch it or worse my little one might catch it and be really poorly. Can't swear on here as scared I MIGHT GET INTO TROUBLE!! Brain never stops swirling and can't remember a bloody thing

[ditsyrabbit]

Hi all you fellow sufferers of crazy brain crap that messes with our lives! This is my first message ever on this site (just joined...arrgghh, anxious or what?!?!)
I just wanted to express empathy with all the feelings etc, but thought I might suggest something that I found a HUGE help a couple of years ago....I did a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course...now to save a load of trouble for you all if you are not familiar with it I suggest Googling "MBSR/ MBCT courses in local area" for some info, and look at stuff about the power of mindfulness for conditions like anxiety/ depression, stress etc.
I was pretty bad when I did my course, and can safely say it was one of the best things I've ever done for myself....saved my life actually (I jest not!)
As a result I am training to teach it myself and have just qualified to do the MIndfulness in Schools Programme (also on the net) and so am happy to work with teenagers too if they need help with developing coping strategies for life and school.
Please feel free to ask me for more info if you need to. And by way of reassuring you I'm not a random weirdo posing as ordinary person (lol, but kind of serious too), I'm a nurse and teacher as well as a fellow anxiety and depression sufferer.
Thanks for you patience all of you :-)

[alwaysworriedtoo]

I am actually crying as i read these. It Is Not Just Me!
Contamination issues stink.
I used to be ok.
I blamed time of month but am realising that it is not just at certain times.
Even sometimes when I have nothing to worry about I have a low level dread and have to not let my brain attach this feeling to a particular thing/event.
Im scared to take anymedication in case I get the dosage wrong. I hate giving medication to DD and have to give a running commentry to stay completely focused on that and get the dosage absalutley correct and then have a ritual where the spoon goes in a certain place and I write the excact time of taking on a wipe board and on the box.
Keekee blue. Your post could be my post except I havn't a councellor.
Everytime I eat out I have to sort of detatch myself for a moment and pretend to my brain that everything will be fine. I/family won't get food poisoning. The food will be cooked properly. The plates will be clean.The air conditioning units will not give me legionaires.
Toilets I wash my hands then open the doors using my coat/shirt/jumper sleeve, then when I am out I still use some handgel. WHY!
I recently posted this ;www.mumsnet.com/Talk/what_would_you_do/1576849-Someones-discharge-in-swimsuit-PLEASE-HELP
And my brain still wont accept it so I posted this;
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/1577798-Anxiety-issues-Please-read-this-post-What-do-you-think-Help
Thank you Keekeeblue!
I also can't swear unless really really spontaniously in a 'on my own or with dh situation' even thenm I sometimes change the end of the swearword.
And the worst of it is. Even after all that advice I have decided to 'Not keep the swimsuit' and because said swimsuit has been in washer I am now going to run machine at 90.
F
U
C

• and botheration8as8ard
  I am off sick at mo with a dodgy stomach and starting to wonder if it is phycosomatic SP? who cares. Just shut up brain

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

Oh always. A big squishy hug for you. I'll swear on your behalf COCK OFF ANXIETY YOU BIG FUCK OFF TWATBADGER Bastarding brain hiccups and the terror that goes wth them

[alwaysworriedtoo]

Thank You
I admitted to my DH that I think I have a serious problem with anxiety. He said something nice and I got lots of kisses. He really is great!
I went to library and ordered some books that I have seen recomended on some of the anxiety posts and from links, to try and help.
I SHOUTED at my brain over; This game (very old Go for Broke) smells fusty, if dd breaths it in ?... SO WHAT IT SMELLS FUSTY ITS OLD GET OVER IT!
I've just stirred the beans with a wooden spoon I wiped over with a damp towel... SO WHAT DH MIGHT HAVE DONE THE SAME THING AND I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN GET OVER IT! Drink I bought DD has elderberry juice in it...OH F'GODS SAKE> The company know what they are doing, dds friend has drunk this before..It IS FINE.GET OVER IT.
ANd shouting at my brain, getting busy with stuff helped and I feel a bit liberated. Liberated enough to say Well almost....Pee I es es Off Stupid STUPID NONESENSE eff u cee kay i en gee Thing that has possesed me. I WILL DESTROY YOU..

[keekeeblue]

Hi Always

Yep, your posts could have been mine - why doesn't this anxiety just leave us in peace.

I have often chucked meat away even if it is just one day out of date as I am terrified of giving my family food poisoning.

I hate driving my car as I think I am going to hit a pedestrian????? Where has that come from.

My DS is 8 yrs old but still check on him at night. If he is still asleep at 7am I go into panic mode.

I have got dermatitis on my hands from washing them so often. If I so much as touch a door handle when I'm cooking I have to wash my hands all over again.

I would have taken the swimming costume back too - I probably would have been physically sick over someone else's bodily functions!!!!

I never take my eyes of my DS as am scared the moment I do someone will take him or something will happen to him. Now he needs a liitle bit of space it is really difficult just to let him out of my sight for 1 minute!!!

When he goes on a school trip I feel sick the entire day as I'm sure they will lose him!

I hate anyone else looking after him as I think they will lose him?????

What is wrong with me?? I can't even swear!!!!

[alwaysworriedtoo]

O.M.G. Me too. I have even thrown stuff away because I was unsure if the packaging was totally sealed. It probably was but even after ten minutes staring at it and saying to myself 'if Dh was cooking this he would be using this and I would never know' I still chucked it.(Milk, pasta, even a tin of beans ForGds sake!)
I always think im going to be spot checked stopped driving and asked something i don't know the answer to by the police.
DD is 7 and I do the same I check her about four times from her going to bed to me going to bed. Even if I get up to go to toilet during night I still check her before I get into bed!
Dry hands. Check! And anything between cooking hand wash, Check!
School trips, check!
Others looking after her, they might not get her to wash her hands before eating, they might not check her food is cooked properly...

Ive got to pick up DD now! I will post again later!

[24Hours]

Oh God this is me. All summer its been getting worse and worse, and now I have a horrible knot.in my stomach all the time. I have certain triggers, I heard one word on the radio an hour and a half ago and am freaking since. Dh says I am ridiculous. I agree with him. I can't enjoy my kids as the thoughts that they will only die anyway comes creeping in
I am going to have to do something. Gp is not very approachable.
Sorry for this I should've started a thread. But this phone is crap took me ages towrite that so ill leave it!
I have just read Marian keyes new book. Things have clicked into.place.

[alwaysworriedtoo]

I have been back at work today, tummy ok, not much appetite though. But I feel a bit unreal as if all the worry has disjointed me somehow. Very wierd.
I have come to the realisation that the shop won't take the suit back (I don't think anxiety was listed under statutory rights) It has been washed and is drying and I keep looking at the gusset and wondering if it maybe wasn't anything nasty and was just the way the material was, how it was weaved more densley in patches (!) I wash my hands afterwards. Will I wear it? MMnngg... I don't know I'll maybe end up going and buying one exactly the same and just give this one to charity shop...but then I'll feel guilty that someone else will buy it and if it was something nasty...If I do buy another one I would probably do it in secret and maybe just wrap the other up and bin it....then i'll feel guilty about being secretive and about wasting money. If I wear it I ....nnnggg.... will need washing another four or five times perhaps....
Grrr no wonder I'm exhausted..
Other worries today were, were almonds on last nights pudding in date?
Dd's water bottle was on the draining board for two days, ittl need washing all over again.
Oh no I put some old knives in the bin and didn't tell DH he might cut himself.
Answers; almonds were in date.
Just wash it again, no need to pannick.
Knives have already gone into the main bin and dh didn't cut himself.
SO I Needed to ***ng worry because??????
Writing all this down is somehow theraputic.
Sorry there isn't any major swearing in it.
Sorry if it seems like i'm hijacking it.
BUT IM NOT GOING TO GET ANXIOUS ABOUT IT.
so there.

[keekeeblue]

Yes I've got a thing about packaging too.

And mugs - I don't like to drink tea at my parents because they don't wash up as thoroughly as I do???? WTF!! I like everything in the dishwasher as it practically sterilises things. What about mugs and cutlery when I eat out - will I get a coldsore??

Don't like anything to do with birds touching me - my DS thinks it is hilarious to touch me with feathers as I completely freak out that they are full of germs!!

Don't get me started about washing clothes I am obsessed with the whole family being clean!! I feel relaxed when the washing machine is on?!!!

Constantly carry around hand gel.

Yep I always feel guilty when a police car passes me or drives behind me. and airports - I have given up with these as my stomach hurts just thinking about - I usually get searched, or have my bags searched.

What about headrests at the cinema etc I think I might catch head lice!!!

Just writing this all down and listening to myself - I sound crazy. Must be kind to myself as the counsellor said this morning.

DS is having a friend for tea next week - something I try to avoid as it makes me highly anxious....will he get food poisoning, will he have an accident and hurt himself????

I read that someone died from getting pricked by something while gardening - I'm always rushing back into the house to wash my hands and apply germolene!!!

AAAAAARRRRRHHHH horrible, nasty, shitty, barstweward anxiety!!!!

[alwaysworriedtoo]

hi 24hours, welcome to the mad house!
I am not alone!
Yeah KeekeeBlue! Swears! dare I ? Fuck Yes. I going to post quick before its too late, hope knowone finds out itys me!

[keekeeblue]

It's definitely therapeutic to write it all down, even though I seem quite mad when I read it back!!

I think the exhaustion is caused by the anxiety - too much thinking, brain going round and round all the time. Mostly mine is jelly now! Ex husband used to say I think too much!! How right he was....about that anyway.