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Original poster

Is anyone there. I'm having a bad night

78 replies

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 07/05/2012 23:30

I've had a bad day and now I'm having a bad night but all I can think of is going and jumping off a bridge which is a ridiculous thing to do and I'd call the crisis team but I've already called them once tonight and in scared they're going to cart me off to hospital if I call and tell them this and I bloody well hate feeling like this and I probably sound like an attention seeking nightmare but I can't get the fucking thought out of my head and it's driving me nuts.

OP posts:
Original poster
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 08/05/2012 00:22

Thank you all for your kindness in the face of drama llama. I really appreciate having access to some rational thinking people (well as close as you get around here) to talk sense.

I am beginning to feel the effects of the diazepam now and the world is a slightly softer place.

Awwwww. Spongebob is being attacked by jellyfish. Its vair funny.

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SharpObject · 08/05/2012 00:27

I'm back cause I can't sleep, so glad to read you are feeling calmer.

I could do with something to jog sleep on over here, I'm on the sofa because DH snoring is annoying.

I hate sleeping down stairs, it's scary and I have just heard a noise from upstairs!

TerraNotSoFirma · 08/05/2012 00:28

Good stuff, Am hoping you get a sleep tonight.

I am going to the back door for a fag fresh air, But shall take my netbook with me should you wish to chat :)

TerraNotSoFirma · 08/05/2012 00:29

Aha, my first ever strike through, I feel ever so MN now (saddo)

Original poster
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 08/05/2012 00:29

I can hear noises upstairs as well. Its the sound of DH changing the bedclothes on DS's bed as he's wet the bed. I've decided that I've had quite enough trauma for one night and will leave them to it and just enjoy the pleasure of washing it all tomorrow.

My DH snores like a bastard. Our relationship rests on a steady supply of earplugs.

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oikopolis · 08/05/2012 00:29

i must say, and i know i sound a junkie, but i do love a bit of diazepam.

you're no drama llama dearie, there's nothing has hellish as anxiety at this time of night.

SharpObject · 08/05/2012 00:34

Hmmm Biscuit diazipam....... It's been so long now since I have had one I have forgotten how to spell it!

I should go and check that a small person isn't asleep on a floor but if I were asleep as I should be I wouldn't know so I'm not moving from here at least there is room in the big bed when they wake and crawl in Smile

Original poster
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 08/05/2012 00:35

So do I Oikopolis. They cut me down from 5mg to 2mg which isn't as fast working. I also have propanolol but it just doesn't touch the sides of a proper anxiety attack.

I'm just hoping now I am getting proper help things will get better. 2 small children + 1 with SN + stressful mgt job + DH with the emotional depth of a teaspoon = Major Wibble.

I could do with a hobby. I may sign up to one of them there cupcake baking courses Grin

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Original poster
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 08/05/2012 00:37

When the CPN came around earlier she said "you need to do breathing exercises like you did for childbirth" to which I replied "great do you have the gas and air to go with that." But no, no they didn't.

They just raised up my hopes and then dashed them to the ground.

I am starting to feel much more relaxed now and I may even try bed soon. I'm on the episode where Squidward moves to the gated squid community. I like this one.

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oikopolis · 08/05/2012 00:39

i think once help is sought, as long as you're not so unlucky as to have complete fuckwits on your crisis team, you're pretty much guaranteed to have better times ahead.

i know a lady who's recovered from severe OCD/anxiety pretty much completely through CBT (and initially also ADs). as long as you keep asking for help it's bound to get better.

SharpObject · 08/05/2012 00:41

Grin keeping posting, you have the potential drugs of being very funny!!

I'm imagining you posting with one eye squeezed shut to check its right. Arf

TerraNotSoFirma · 08/05/2012 00:44

Okay, I have had my nicotine fix and am off to bed, You seem to be a bit brighter, I hope you get some sleep and your appt. goes well in the morning.

Take care of yourself.

Original poster
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 08/05/2012 00:44
Grin

The tuping tghing is getting a but tricker it must be said.

And now instead of gtghoughts of impending doom and death I now havfe The Carpentters Greatest Hits going through myhead.

Why do birds suddenbly appear. Ever time, you are near. etc.

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MushroomGeorge · 08/05/2012 00:47

Diazepam is marvellous stuff, glad to hear you are feeling calmer now.

SharpObject · 08/05/2012 00:47

I think you are ready for bed now........Smile

Original poster
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 08/05/2012 00:50

Night all and enormous massive and huge thanks for helping me out at short notice. I'm going to log off now and try to sleep.

Thanks all of you.

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wannabeamillionaire · 08/05/2012 00:55

Keema: I have come on at the end of this thread I really hope you feel better in the morning. I will pop back tommorow to see how you are doing. Take care there is so much support on here they should put mumsnet on prescription :)

Original poster
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 08/05/2012 08:17

Hi - I just wanted to come back to the thread this morning to say a giant thank you to everyone who came and talked to me last night and got me through what was a very dark place indeed. Having people out there who could give me the rationality that I was missing and just listen was absolutely priceless.

So Thanks you really helped.

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FirstUpBestDressed · 08/05/2012 09:05

Glad ur okay keema.
Hope you get some help and support today x
well done.our minds are very powerful things!

WillowInGloves · 08/05/2012 09:39

Hi - came to see how you were doing. Isn't modern technology great - mumsnet online, crisis team on phone, Spongebob on DVD ... ! I remember dark nights when there was just the radio and it is so lovely now that we can draw little threads of contact out across the world to each other. I don't know you as I haven't seen your previous posts but I'm waving. Hope it goes well today for you.

Frontpaw · 08/05/2012 10:16

Keema - don't put it off! Its easy to do in the cold light of day when things seem 'not so bad'. Don't make excuses - put yourself first and get it sorted. Good luck!

FannyFifer · 08/05/2012 10:18

Glad you managed to get some sleep, mind yourself today & go get some help.

Original poster
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 08/05/2012 10:31

Thanks everyone. The psych should be doing a home visit in about 30 mins or so and hopefully I will get some meds that do a better job at stopping this awful anxiety. I'm also giving myself a reality check about how ill I actually am and have got childcare covered until DH gets home so I don't actually have to do anything other than watch TV, take pills and mumsnet :)

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FannyFifer · 08/05/2012 10:36

Good stuff, you know what I'm cooking for dinner tonight? Curry, your username is to blame, I went asleep last night dreaming of curry & nan bread. Yuuuuuuuummmmm! Grin

Frontpaw · 08/05/2012 14:06

Make sure you get some fuel in you (and no, a family sized box of Milk Tray and bottle of Fanta does not count).

Go easy on yourself - this is bad luck that its fallen on you.

Write down what you want to tell them so that you don't forget or go all English ('I'm fine really, sorry - I don't know why I called you out. I'm sure there are people far worse than me...').