Is anyone there. I'm having a bad night

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

I've had a bad day and now I'm having a bad night but all I can think of is going and jumping off a bridge which is a ridiculous thing to do and I'd call the crisis team but I've already called them once tonight and in scared they're going to cart me off to hospital if I call and tell them this and I bloody well hate feeling like this and I probably sound like an attention seeking nightmare but I can't get the fucking thought out of my head and it's driving me nuts.

very sorry, I was thinking on the hop!

Can you down load an app? Tap the frog2 is bloody addictive and you will only have room left in your head to think about that fucking frog after a few goes!

Depression is just the pigging chemical mix going mental. That's all. Temporary.

Google kittens in funny hats.

Dear god, I am so eloquent! Can you tell I used to do copywriting as part of me job?!

Hi Keema

I read some of your thread the other day.
Lots of us still up for chatting/distraction.

Glad the time zone gang has arrived as I really need to go to bed.

Wishing you good feelings and I hope you make that call

I am here but am on the phone to the crisis team

Good...

well done you lovely woman

About time too! Don't rush it. Take your time.

Did I tell everyone I saw the pandas at edinburgh zoo recently? I want one.

Oh sweetheart, I couldn't read and run. I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious - do you have any distraction techniques that could help you? Even if it is googling dragon butter

Sitting awake and dwelling on your thoughts will just lead you into a panic spiral I fear. A nice bath, music or a book, something on iplayer, youtube funnies? A nice cup of tea? etc etc.

I think is the most lovely, comforting emoticon. Take care x

xposted loads there - glad you're getting help x

Clearing out the kitchen cupboards works for me! Takes ages, you find "treasure" you forgot you ever had and the shelves are all nice and tidy.

Good, So glad you are calling them.

Glad you are speaking to them.
Sure your DH wouldn't mind if you woke him up you know.

I'm going to go to bed now and try to get some sleep - haven't managed much for a week or so, so pretty shattered and have work tomorrow . I hope your phone call helps and I know there will be people to talk to through the night. Take care OK x

Hi, right thank you so much lovely people. I called the crisis team and I was just worried that if I did they would call an ambulance on me as I was nearly admitted this morning and I really don't want that to happen I would rather be at home as its one thing being depressed and completely another not to have access to mumsnet and facebook!

I have taken the last of the diazepam and am now on the sofa with a huge blanket and a woolly jumper and am going to stay here until it kicks in and I feel like I can go to bed.

Mumsnet is a fucking lifesaver I can tell you that.

Olivia - I think I will leave MrNaan in bed. He goes all flappy in a crisis and asks me what he needs to do - like I know.

Well done Keema. You are not an 'attention seeking nightmare' at all but a brave and brilliant woman. I am so proud of you for calling them. Have a good sleep.

really glad you made contact.

did they say what the plan of action is for tomorrow? i hope they make you properly comfortable so you can feel safe etc.

enjoy the diazepam and sofa :) i'm sure you'll start feeling better in the next 30 mins or so.

Plan for tomorrow is the trick cyclist is coming to see me at 11 to review my meds and try and bring me down a notch. I've always taken fluoxetine before and its worked, but I'm up to 60mg which is max dose now and not doing much better so hopefully they'll give me something else.

I also have to get in touch with work tomorrow and tell them I'm not in again. I lasted two whole weeks. At least I managed to get down my inbox from 2.5k emails to somethign manageable in that time.

Yes, what oikopolis said - maybe there's some trashy tv you can watch? Or you could lose your self on pinterest or something?
Sleep tight and feel better

Hope you start to feel calmet soon keema.
Sleep is good medicine.
Nitenite x

I have raided the kids DVD collection and am watching Spongebob Squarepants. Its intellectual all the way here Chez Naan.

Can't watch beauty and the beast as it will make me cry. Can't watch Cars as my DS watched it on loop when I had hyperemisis with DD and it gives me a pavlovian reaction every time I hear the music.

I also can hear more than the sound of my heart in my ears. this is a good thing. As the drugs kick in I may tell you that I love you all. Significant improvement on 30 mins ago.

Just saying hi and sending positive vibes. Life's always harder this time of night but there are always people out here to care. Asking for help is absolutely the right thing to do even though it's hard cos it makes you feel so vulnerable. I really admire you for making that call. Sleep well.

Glad you have settled down a wee bit, sponge bob ROCKS! X

Oh, possibly not sleeping with Spongebob! Try Shaun the Sheep - you can count them ...