Insomnia friends - help me beat this

[GetDownYouWillFall]

Am gutted to be resurrecting this thread as it means I am back in that same dark hole where I never wanted to be ever again.

But here I am.

My nights are so filled with anxiety I can't bear it. My body is so so tired, yet something in my mind fights sleep and just won't let go.

I know that the only way to beat it is to beat the anxiety. I used to know how to do it. But I've forgotten the secret. Please insomnia friends come back and help me remember how to beat it.

I've been here so many times before. I know in my mind it won't go on forever, but I'm not being rational. It feels like I've forgotten how to sleep. It's ruining my life. I'm irritable, forgetful, shaky, clumsy, miserable.

I love my baby and I love my little girl. I love my husband. Why is this happening. I don't have any "real" problems like so many people. I feel so guilty.

I just want to sleep again, and feel normal.

Thanks countrylover

Crisis team came again this afternoon. Can't decide whether they are helpful or whether I am sick of them.

Can't keep my mind on anything. I am in such a mess.

Spent a few hours cleaning the bathroom this afternoon in an attempt to do something useful and distract myself but felt kind of dizzy and buzzing afterwards.

Just been for a walk. I saw a tiny little wren. That lifted me a little bit.

DH is asleep on the sofa upstairs with DS, and I am so jealous. I would do anything to be able to fall asleep naturally right now.

Can I third the remarkable comment? You are remarkable GetDown. You were a total inspiration to me when I thought I was never going to get better, and you still are! You got yourself better despite being told you'd be on medication for ever. And you now have another beautiful baby.

I remember not being able to fall asleep naturally. But you will do again, I do now. My sleep is really good at the moment. You will get better and you will sleep normally again.

CountryLover I feel for you as I too have that phobia. I can relate to what you have written. Last Tuesday DS2's best friend threw up in class and I was anxious, on high alert, until Friday but then in the morning he said his tummy felt funny so I was on high alert all day waiting for the school to ring. They didn't. And I felt huge, huge relief when I picked him up and he was ok. It's a horrible phobia.

BabsJansen :) that's lovely. On the way home from school today I was amazed at the cloud formation in the distance. I wanted to get my sketch pad out there and then and draw it.

Puts hand up to join the get down is remarkable club

Hope you manage ok over the weekend. Get in touch anytime if you want to.

Another day closer to feeling better .... x

Getdown I'm afraid that if I say your pretty special too you will do a runner and never come back

Hang in there girl, you've beaten this beast before and it was bigger and worse then. You're not on your own.

And being able to take pleasure in a wren is a good good good sign. You will get there.

I am baking cookies and trying to ignore the sensations in my body

Sounds yummy:) My dds have just made some sodastream cherryade and it's a real hit.

Hope you have a good day today x

GetDown that's great and you are doing great. I remember baking bread and feeling like that. But you're doing it, and I know it is really hard.

DH is away this weekend (I'm kind of getting used to him not being around at the moment) and amazingly my sleep is fine even with this stress. Two years ago I would have had a major blip (and did on more than one occasion).

I've cleaned the house this morning as I have a friend and her little girl visiting (one of my university friends who lives near madmouse's neck of the woods). So I am a little anxious about having to cook for them, be a host, etc.

Noticing a wren and baking cookies may seem like small things but you will look back on them and see them as the beginning of the recovery. The very fact that you were able to do these things and ignore the sensations in your body is very very positive.

As you know recovery is such a long process and I certainly found that it was two steps forward and one step back. But this is the start of it. You have reached the lowest point and it's not going to get any worse. I promise.
xx

Help. I desperately need some support and advice today.

I've been taking lorazepam and zopiclone every night which has been making me feel anxious in itself as I am so worried about dependence. But I've just been having to trust the professionals when they say "just take it". But last night I only got 3hrs sleep even having taken the drugs, and I'm starting to feel they are not effective.

I am really starting to panic. DH wants me to carry on taking them, but I know in my head they are not the solution and I'm not going to get better until I manage a night without taking them. What should I do? I don't want to disagree with DH, but feel I know that the cognitive stuff is the only solution, but yet the pressure on me to sleep is immense.

I know all the CBT techiniques but they just don't seem to be working. I want to go to bed tonight without zopiclone or lorazepam. It feels the right thing to do, but I know if I do I might not sleep at all.

My thinking is going round in circles and I am getting obsessive about it. I just can't break out of it, what should I do?

Hi GetDown the first night I slept without zopiclone after two weeks of taking it I didn't sleep at all. The following night I took one, and slept, the following night I took diazepam instead, which is milder. I then took diazepam for about three nights in a row, and then moved on to herbal tablets for two weeks, and then just herbal tea and hypnotherapy. I don't know what to advise really. If you feel ready to start gradually going without then try it. Are they going to perscribe any form of AD for you for the long term?

Yes I've got mirtazapine as my AD, also taking quetiapine. I feel so exhausted and scared and don't know what to do.

Getdown maybe this is too obvious a solution but how about you go to bed with one of the two rather than none?

Like madmouse said, try just taking one of either lorezepam or zopiclone tonight. One thing I do know if that getting some sleep, even if it's just a few hours without any 'aids' does wonders for your confidence in your body's ability to nod off.

So, if you even get just a couple of hours as you did last night you know that you can think about the option of cutting one of them out as it makes no difference to how much you sleep. Then perhaps it might reduce your anxiety about the medication and therefore allow you to relax enough to sleep.

You just have to remember that once the mirtazipine kicks in properly then you will definitely be able to to come off both lorezepam and zopiclone.

Well I ended up going to bed without either zopiclone or lorazepam. I lay awake all night after listening to Paul McKenna on loop for about 3hrs solid. Had a little bit of sleep between 6-7am.

Feel strangely manic and bright - eyed. Not sure if this is a good sign or a bad sign.

Sooo Getdown maybe you are trying to run before you can walk by going cold turkey with both. A bit like stopping Antibiotics early. Not necessarily a good idea.

Now think how you would advise me in the same situation. Yes old hat I know but a pretty true test of what is best for you too. You would give me balanced advice, knowing I needed some medication for now (because I did, not because I should feel guilty, should be able to do it alone, don't have any real problems, but just because I'm so anxious I'm not sleeping) and yet being aware of the fact that addiction is a real risk. You would probably advise me to take either one or the other, to tell myself that I may not have the best possible night, to tell myself that I have not slept before and yet survived. You would also tell me that it is possible that I needed both meds right now and that in that case I would manage to come off them later.

For some reason you think you are entitled to much harsher treatment than the rest of us. My hunch is that if you were a bit more gentle with yourself it would help enormously.

GetDown that is what I was like the first night I didn't have any medication and I was a mess that day and my mum ended up shouting at me 'of course you are tired, of course you're not going to sleep without any tablets'. And you did sleep between 6-7 so you can sleep naturally so you ought to congratulate yourself on that.

I do you think you need to take something tonight though. It does have to be done in steps. Slow and steady wins the race.

Oh GetDown you are very brave not to take any tablets. I couldn't do the same if I was in your shoes. I worry when I reduce my meds even slightly.

I think you do have to do any reducing very slowly and IMO it's far too early to not take either. I would definitely say take one or the other, but to go without both is quite scary surely?

You do need to be kinder to yourself. Hope you get through the rest of today ok x

GetDown how are you doing today? x

In normal circumstances I would agree with you, i.e. I would never normally stop tablets like ADs suddenly. But for some reason I feel differently about addictive things like sleeping tablets, I think because a large part of my anxiety is about addiction and dependence, even though I know rationally I won't get addicted I just think that I need to stop them to feel better. It;s a strange thing. Yesterday, even though I'd had virtually no sleep, I actually felt BETTER, knowing I hadn't taken them.

Last night I felt I just needed help to get off, so I took 3.75 of zopiclone but the sleep felt "different" IYKWIM, more natural.

The psychiatrist increased the quetiapine yesterday so am feeling pretty heavy today but just grateful that the anxiety has calmed down a bit. I do feel a bit confused and like my thinking is slow. I know this is likely to still be a bumpy ride but am just trying to take one day at a time, and tell myself that I will be ok. I am trying to experience the moment (mindfulness) and enjoy little things like the daffodils being out.

Getdown that sounds good, that you were able to see what you needed and it worked. That's really great to hear.

Mindfulness gets me through (increasingly rare) panic attacks.

Still here for you xx

GetDown that's great, what you say about your sleep and the mindfulness. The daffodils are nice. And think soon in the summer how nice it will be to sit outside with your DD and DS, or go to the beach and see him see the wonders of the seaside for the first time.

Mindfulness is great. It is used in CBT as well - thoughts of the moment.

Really good idea to use the mindfulness. There is more and more evidence to support its value for anxiety etc.

Hello - can I join you, please? I am a chronic insomniac and struggling. I have zopiclone for emergencies (and I love it) but it's strictly rationed so I need to find other ways to fall asleep and I can't do it! I am beginning to get really anxious over bedtime because I know I'll lie awake for hours then just dose til morning. It's making me crazy.

Will go and read thread now.

Aghhh for the first time in months and months I've had a bad night - fell asleep between 1 and 2am. I think it is because DH is away, DS3 has a cold, and my mind was churning away with various worries and thoughts and things. Oh well. Ho hum. Plod on. It's just a day.