I spent two years of my life on citalopram - ws havin a shit time, PND, gall stones, bereavement and insurmountable debts. It all manifested itself as health anxiety and I think I have had scans for most things 
. I had counsellin for over a year but it didnt work, it was just an excuse to winge for an hour
Things are better now, we have the debts under control(we have a DMP), DD2 is at school, i have no gall bladder! I am more positive, doing some voluntary work, but stil unable to get a job.
I spend most of my time fretting about things that haven't happened yet, my DP is a builder, we have a few months work lined up so we need to be positive with our advertising, we havent had to advertise before as word of mouth has usually bought in enough work. I have pretty much exhausted all the possibilities in the school playground 
. So in my mind, we will be on the bones of our arse, i have visions of not being able to feed DD and losing the house. In fact part of me wants to lose the house and be given a council place because at least i wouldn't have to be worrying about losing it all the time. (dont flame me, i dont really want that to happen but at least i would feel secure in my own home).
I had a job interview last week for a job i could do standing on my head but didnt get it becaue ive been out of the work place for too long. I am volunteering for a friend, it might lead to something but actually not too hopeful, stupidly specialised but its something. I have also contact the volunteer beaureaux to try and get some admin work, they have passed on my details and im waiting to hear more.
So im DOING all the positive things, but i am paralysed by anxiety - i was a cunt to DP all day yesterday, sorry for the language but there is no other way to to describe the way i behaved.
I enjoy working with my friend but its challenging and i fret that i can't do it, then i get stressed because the house is in such a state and think i should stay home and have a clear out - but then i just convince myself we are going to lose it. We are up to date with our mortage (some small arrears to be cleared up only £200) and we were at the point of reposession before, we have cleared up to 4k of mortgage debt, cleared all of our gas and electric debts so things are BETTER, so so much better than they were.
I am thinking if i were to just go back on the medication i might even out, but i dont want to be on drugs for the rest of my life. My DP doesnt want me back on the meds, he said i was like a zombie. I weaned myself down to about 5mg citalopram every other day before i stopped but the anxiety has never left me :( Now i feel it is getting worse, i think i stopped taking meds nearly two years ago.
I want to have cbt but no way can i afford it and there is a two year waiting list for NHS therapists, i dont want normal counselling again, it made me worse.