I'm going away soon but before I go I just wanted to say

[Memoo]

Good bye and thak you to all those who have shown me such kindness and compassion over the past few years.

Its been a bumpy road but I'm at journeys end.

See you on the other side xxx

Thanks mouse - me too. I like to think she knows about him somehow though. xx

Memoo you seem convinced that you need to kill yourself to free your soul. That is an idee fixe - an idea that you hold on to no matter what even though it is not true. You do not need to die to free your soul at all. That is not the reality. Keep going with the attempts to get better. You will xx

MollyBroom - because anyone who has been through anything like what Memoo is going through, would not post the nasty things those posters I was refering to, posted. They should be ashamed of themselves.

Memoo, that breaks my heart to read

I love you dearly and so does everyone who knows you. You have the most amazing children that I've ever had the pleasure to meet ...they're a real credit to you ...to you, their fantastic mummy!

Your children will never stop needing you, not ever. You know that too mate.

When I got pregnant with dd1, you were the parent I aspired to be, you were the parent I modelled myself on. You're amazing, and I know you don't think that at the moment, but it's so true.

Things are bad for you and have been for a while now, but they will find the right treatment for you and you will climb out of this black hole. Things will get better ...there's always tomorrow.

Memoo, I know you think you're weak, but you're not, you're one of the strongest people that I have ever known. Strong, caring, passionate, beautiful.

Stay strong and keep fighting my friend (and btw I'm still waiting for my text )

You have no idea how much I appreciate such lovely words. I'm so sad today and really need my friends. It seems a few people have turned against me because of this thread. How does that work eh? People are pissed off with me because I'm ill. Apparently because I've felt like this before I'm attention seeking, or a troll. I must have passed the time limit for how long it should take a depressed person to get better so now they don't want to know.

Plonker, I went to phone you before but just end up crying every time I pick up the phone.

Memoo, I have no idea of back story but I hope you manage to whatever help you need to start to feel better.

I am guessing those who are turning against you simply have no idea of how mental health problems work - luckily for them - and are probably best ignored.

memoo I really wish I had the right words to say to you like previous posters do but I don't know where to start, so please know that people are thinking of you and willing you to beat this xxxx

And please ignore any negative comments as it's really not helpful, block them out.

Memoo - we've not spoken much before so I hope you don't mine me coming onto such a personal thread, but you posted a few words on the last thread I posted on here, about 4 months ago, just before I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for severe postnatal depression.

I wanted to die. I planned to do it in the next few days, hence being admitted when I was, but I'd been suffering from depression since the birth of my first child a few years before, and on and off since teenage-hood.

I'm being discharged this week, so am home for the weekend at the moment on leave. It's been a long hard slog doing therapy, juggling meds, being away from my family. But there has been a real change. I don't want to die anymore. I really hope that your doctors can help you to find your own path out of this.

Memoo, the harsh words are from those who either don't understand or those who have knowledge of MH issues but for some bizzare, unknown reason believe that everyone who has MH problems follow the same thought processes etc. The latter, imho, are much worse, and very ignorant.

You have to ignore them completely sweetheart.

Don't worry about the phone call, just phone me when you're ready and I'll be here to listen. Crying or not, I'll just cry along with you. I'm here whenever you want to talk - you're not alone xx

Memoo - I feel I should know what to say to you but my mind is all jumbled. If it is what you really want then you have to face up to the realities of preparing everyone else for your death. You must write your will, tell your husband and children and make sure you have said all you need to say. Sounds terribly harsh, cruel and unbelievable but if you are so sure it is what you need to do don't you want to do it the best way you can?

Of course you can go backwards and think about what it is you need to allow yourself to live. Do you need medication, counselling, a proper break, childcare help, house related help? Is there anything that would enable you to stay? What can be changed to make life worth living? You have to want to live for you, you can't just live for your husband and children if you can't deal with that.

I have tried to end my life and have wished for it many times and there will always be part of me that wishes I had succeeded but I am here and will remain for now. I am terrified of dying and knowing I am dying which makes no sense when I tried to kill myself but in the moment I felt happy and calm.

Would you be able to ask for help from a Church? You talk about your soul being free and that sounds religious and spiritual to me.

I wish you peace wherever it comes from.

Take care x.

Memoo, we are all here to support you and are willing you on to seek help and get better. It will be hard but what greater incentive than you Dc? I don't know you, but I really feel like I do. Yesterday's post knocked me for six and was heartbreaking to read for all of us that have gotten to know you over the last few days and care about your welfare. I really pray you think about the far reaching implications of what you are thinking of doing and hope you keep going with the treatment and that one day you find yourself in a happier place. xx

Memoo - I hope you do stay on here despite the negative people. Please ignore them, they don't understand your desperation - no one can know how you feel except you.

I do hope that you will find the right treatment for you and soon - I should think it's pretty hard to imagine that's possible right now but keep the faith, something will make a difference.
x

Many thanks to you all. You're fab!

I'm going to go into hiding for a bit. I've deactivated my FB and I'm going to change my name. Pm if you want to know my new one.

Don't ever underestimate how much you have all helped me these past few days. Some of tbe nasty comments have had me in tears. I've also been shocked to find one or two people who I thought were friends do nothing to support me when I was being criticised on tbe other thread. That's life though, at times you find out who your true friends are.

Much love to you all xx

Thankyou xx

I'll pm you my new name.

Take care, Memoo, I mean really take care: look after yourself and let those who care for you look after you too. Much love and strength xx.

Take care Memoo and do come back when you are ready and let us know how you are getting on. Big hugs xx

How are you today Memoo? I've PMd you xx

Thumb - I have no doubt that she has 'seen' your DS. xx

Chipping - great posts xx

Plonker - your posts are so moving, I'm so glad you know Memoo in RL xx