Health anxiety again

[angsty]

Hi (namechanged as am feeling silly about how I am feeling right now). I know there was a helath anxiety thread last year but it hasn't been written on for a while so I didn't know if I should resurrect or start a new one...

I have suffered from health anxiety to quite a severe degree since the birth of my DS 2 and a half years ago. I have gone from neurological diseases, to gynae problems to breast cancer (well, I did get a recall for an apparantly abnormal mammogram which was terrifying, but it turned out to be OK). As soon as I am reassured about one thing I get anxious about another and actually develop symptoms. Until I was reassured about the breast I felt breast pain, now the pain has moved to my armpit and I have weird feelings down my arms. I am terrified of multiple sclerosis now. I have seen numerous specialists and am on an antidepressant can't shake it. I have also had CBT, which was a bit of a help but has not stopped this.

I just can't get rid of the fears. I am an older mum, my child probably has special needs (still being assessed) and I am the family breadwinner, so I have terrible fears about not being around for him, or able to provide for him.

I don't really know what I am looking for, just a connection with others in this position I suppose...

Do you mean sites like MoodGym? I tried it but didn't get on with it. I think I was too low at the time to really engage with it and generally do much better with print and people. If you feel comfortable concentrating hard and learning by a screen then try it - it might work! I think most of the sites are free.

CBT worked well for me but I had a baaad patch about 4 weeks ago. I was dying of brain cancer. Actually, many of the symptoms were similar to anxiety which I think now is probably what I was suffering; tension headaches, tiredness, nausea, tingling sensations. I also suffer migraine and get very low and anxious after having one.

My GP referred me to the CMHN didn't know what to say anymore and I had a really good appointment with him today. His take on it was that CBT is amazing and gives you lots of coping tools... but doesn't always get to the root of the problem. Other forms of therapy might be more successful in this alongside the CBT. So, in my case, being a generally anxious person + the long agonising illness and death of my dad from a brain tumour when I was 11 (and other unfortunate life experience) probably prepared the ground perfectly for HA and depression. And while the CBT helps me learn new ways of thinking now, the trauma I experienced then will continue to inform my negative ways of thinking until it is addressed.

FWIW, one of the reasons I'm not medicated is I have a fear of drugs (again, some bad experiences earlier in life.)

bupcakes I started taking a tab called 'Valarinna' it is basically like kalms, I also took kalms, evening primrose oil, vit b complex, and also took a multi vitamin and Iron.

I started walking every night. Some nights I would just walk around the block but just getting that fresh air helped so much.

The change in me was unreal. When your in the depths of anxiety, you cant ever imagine yourself better but after about a week of doing all this, i really felt great, i wasnt worrying about every niggle like I am now.

And the one thing that keeps me going now when i get stressed is that every single one of my 'brain tumour' symptoms disappeared after about 2 weeks of feeling better.

I started back on my tabs today so hopefully they will have the same affect this time.

I hate anxiety, im sick of sitting on the edge of my seat every evening, monitoring every little feeling i have in my body

Can anyone recommend a CBT book??

My therapist recommended Overcoming Anxiety by Meares and Freeston. (sp?) I have found it very helpful.

"I hate anxiety, Im sick of sitting on the edge of my seat every morning, monitoring every little feeling I have in my body"

Soccermom2, that's just it, isn't it? As you may have read from my previous posts on this thread, I'm struggling as I do have something genuinely wrong at the mo - just been diagnosed as Hypothyroid and also with a bad bout of labyrinthitis for good measure. But as is the way of it, I am convinced that the doctor is wrong and I have a tumour or something equally as sinister going on in my head. I feel so dizzy all the time, its affecting my life, and thus I fail to see how it can be just a virus.......I've been referred to an ENT for the dizziness which has me spiralling down again thinking that the doc must think there's something really wrong with me before she's referred me. And of course, that the ENT will think I have a dreadful prognosis and that'll be that.

I've finished doing a course of CBT - not through choice though. Our health trust has decided that they can't afford to fund therapists right now, so my sessions had to end. I can be re referred to the duty counsellor who is the ONLY one left to cover the vast area in which I live. Which means waiting months and months only to start again. The CBT was helping though, so I've started moodgym and will see how that goes.

I know my HA would diminish though if I didn't actually feel so ill!

Welcome to everyone new on here too, hope we can all help each other in some way.

How is everyone today? I am having one of my worse days. I feel awful and if I didn't have DS I feel pretty sure that I would top myself.

Can't believe I've just typed that.

Hey Bupcakes, cross posted with you! Having a bad day too....trying to resist calling the doctor re my dizziness yet again......

Eddie, I had terrible dizziness with my last anxiety episode. It's awful :(

It is terrible. My GP is convinced its labyrinthitis and I'm trying hard to trust her, but somehow I just cant.......keep feeling really spaced out and dizzy and just want it to stop and let me get on with my life.

I've managed to resist calling the GP to say how worried I am - I only saw her yesterday when she decided to refer me to ENT and really would be pointless to waste her time and say I'm still dizzy, still worried........

What's the worst symptoms etc with you? Forgive the intrusion......don't answer that if you don't want to.

Has your GP mentioned that dizziness/spaced out feelings are par for the course with anxiety? It's definitely what mine was (although I didn't believe it at the time) It's called derealization and there has been a lot written about it. It is horrible and frightening so I really empathise with you.

I have a whole host of lovely symptoms... no appetite, dry mouth, runny bowel movements, feeling sick, feeling tearful, feeling numb, being a total fucking hypo'... the list goes on! I really hope that this higher does of sertraline helps because I don't think I can live like this for much longer. I really feel like I need sectioning. :(

I sympathise Bupcakes.........this is a horrid illness and once it has you in its grasp its hard to get out.

Yes, the GP mentioned dizziness is normal for those of an anxious disposition but I'm feeling it all the time, so she thinks that its labyrinthitis. I've has labs before, which makes it more likely that it is a genuine diagnosis plus has sinus pain and a hacking cough.

I too am struggling to live like this....analysing every tweak or twinge but I do not get scared of dying. I'm scared of being diagnosed with something terrible and living with it iyswim. I've not long got life looking good and positive for us as a family and I'm frightened of losing everything that we've worked for.

I will go and look up derealization and spend more time obsessing learning about it.

Have you been to your GP with your symptoms? What does he/she say?

Awh bupcakes Im sorry your having such a shit day

How long did gp say it takes for the higher dose to kick in?

Do you get any exercise? I know it is hard to get out with dc but it really does help me. I get awful anxiety after drinking, If i go out for a night out no matter what time i get home, I will wake up at the crack of dawn with palpatations, diarrhea, panic attacks etc. Dp thinks im mad but I hop out of bed and go for a brisk walk and I swear, it makes me feel so much better!

Id say I look like a mad woman (usually still have make up still on from night before!) but It just shakes off the anxiety and i feel better for the day.

Eddie What is the dizziness like? Is the room actually spinning or os it a vague kind of 'not real' feeling? Its hard to describe my feeling but its like my eyes cant focus or something...If you havent been to that site I recommended (nomorepanic.co.uk) you should have a look at the health anxiety forum, it is great for comparing symptoms with other sufferers, it calms me down because then I can see it is just another mad symptom of this horrible thing! When is your app. with ENT?

I have the flu at the moment, i took my herbals today and I have to say I am feeling a bit better this evening. It could be all in my head but i dont care whatever works!

I also get this other symptom thats scares me, Its hard to describe but its like my scalp is tender to touch, It doesnt hurt, its more of a pressure type feeling, does anyone get this?? x

I get a sort of very tight feeling all over the top of my head, Soccermom2. It sometimes spreads down the back of my head to my neck and the sort of muscle bit where your neck meets your shoulders. My friend is a masseuse and every time I see her she grabs me and tries to work my neck and shoulders. I've never heard a therapist of any sort swear during a treatment but her shrieking 'Holy fuck I've never felt anything like this before!' didn't relax me at all... So yes, someone else does get the odd scalp thing.

I have totally stopped drinking, since my last bad do of this shitty illness about a month ago. It might have helped, who knows, but I have been feeling better. How did you find out which dietary supplements to take, Soccermom?

My two big points of obsession are myself and the DCs. I am particularly ashamed to admit my preoccupation with their health. It even occasionally extends to the dog. (How sad am I?) The most fundamental belief is that I will die young. That I won't make old bones and I'm just biding my time until the symptoms start that mean the start of cancer. So the constant checking and anxiety is the detection of the beginning of the end.

All the symptoms described all sound like total, absolute fear. Like a primal, basic reaction to being in a situation we're terrified of. So what, exactly are we all scared of? I'm not scared of dying itself; living with the illness, watching my children upset at seeing me deteriorate, having to tell people, the way they look at you... Those are mine.

So another day done. Wishing everyone a sweet night's sleep and a brighter morning.

[hugs]

Thanks Missbetsy Its always nice to hear someone else has my mad symptoms!

I get the tension at the back of the neck aswell. If you think about it, when I am panicky in the evening, I sit up straight with all my muscles tense, obviously it is going to give us muscle ache.

I just researched different vitamins and herbal things, i asked in the chemist and health shops nd the ones i mentioned are the ones that I was recommended, I also always have a bottle of rescue remedy with me and it really does calm me. The rescue remedy jellies are very good too.

I have big fear of my kids growing up without me. I worry about who will mind them if i died when dp is at work, I worry that if i die they only have one parent left and I have no one that could be their guardian. My mum works full time and is in her late 50s and i wouldnt want dps mum or sister having them

I am actually not too bad with the dc health for some reason. I wouldnt worry on a day to day basis but if they are ill, i always imagine the worst but then again i think all parents do that.

Do you know why you all suffer from HA?

my mum would die if she read this but i think (through no fault of her own) matter what was wrong with us as kids, my mum always thought we had meningitis. that as her main illness (like the brain tumour is to me).

I remember at least 5 occasions of being brought to the gp with it.

Ive noticed her starting to do the same with my dc now for example, when ds was 2, she thought he was colour blind because he didnt know his colours!!

Another time she was convinced he had worms because he was eating more than usual for one day!

I also remember when i was about 19, i had a really bad throat infection. I was really sick and my mum called the out of hours gp to our house and he confirmed it was an infection and prescribed me AB. My mum kept asking was he sure and he got a bit annoyed with her and she ended up nearly crying saying 'Well it could be cancer for all I know!'

I also think some people are more susceptible to anxiety then others. I didnt really have health anxiety before i had dc but in hindsight, I was always worried about one thing or another, not health issues and not worrying to the point i do now, but certain things like a fight with a friend for example would give me sleepless nights etc.

My dad died from a brain tumour when I was 13. He'd been ill for about 3 years. Doctors misdiagnosed him for about 6 months. (Sorry, I know that will have been distressing for some of you to read.)

I nearly died age 11 from peritonitis that caused multiple organ failure. Another medical misdiagnosis caused the organ failure. (My dad was in the same hospital at the same time having fallen badly with his tumour and suicidal.)

My mum fell ill with leukaemia and nearly died nearly 10 years ago. She survived, but much changed.

My best friend died suddenly in December 2006. We'd seen her the day before, looking so well and happy.

I'm trying so hard not to pass this on to my kids but it runs so deep in me I can't help feeling I'm fighting a losing battle.

And fwiw, my dad's symptoms were nothing like those talked about on here. If that helps at all.

missbetsy Im so sorry to hear all that, youve been though so much

Have you had counselling for all this?

Im very lucky (touch wood) that my dc are very rarely sick so I dont really have to deal with that worry very often. When they are sick, I just try not to mention any specific illness like meningitis for exp. If one of them has a temp, I have to stop myself taking it every 5 mins! I also just pretend to be changing nappy or blowing raspberries when looking for rashes! Although mine are only 2 and 3 so it is easier for me to get away with these things

It's such a relief to stumble upon this thread. I identify with so much of what many of the other posters have written. The past few months (well nearly 2 years actually) I've convinced myself that I've had ovarian cancer, skin cancer, heart problems and bone cancer.

If I read something in the news about somebody having cancer, I end up googling the symptoms and applying them to myself. It's horrible and stops me from feeling normal. I'm convinced some days that I'm going to die young and leave my DS without a mum. My HA just came on out of the blue following the birth of my son.

I've just had a pelvic scan which was fine (2 episodes of mid cycle bleeding and frequent dull aching in my left ovary- which infact turns out is not my ovary but more bowel related). The scan literally took less than 10 seconds so now I'm wondering did they really check properly. Gah, I know I'm an idiot! I don't want to go back to the doctors as am worried that it will be a case of Peter crying Wolf scenario. I'm exhausted with worrying all the time, it's even now beginning to apply to other members of my family, e.g., if my DM was to mention she had a headache, I apply the worst case scenario.

Anyway, feels cathartic just writing this down as nobody in RL apart from DH knows

You second last paragraph rings so true to me crikey - I worry about the crying wolf thing too and that I will be dismissed because of the anxiety. Having said that, my GP is very patient and thorough and checks out all my lumps and bruises for me if I ask.

HA is very up and down at the moment - am feeling very resentful about having to be on meds for it though. I don't want to have to take them, even though I know it's the sensible thing to do.
I've always been a worrier about everything, but we think my ha started because when I was 3 my brother was born very prematurely and they thought he wouldn't survive, and that must have left an impression, and then when I was 5 he was seriously ill with meningitis, which I remember very clearly (interestingly, my brother has no ha at all!). I've always been funny about illness - used to react badly when my siblings were ill, and I think it probably all stems from that.

Soccermom2, I get both the dizziness where the room spins and also the vague spacey feeling where everything seems unreal and I cant focus. Waiting to hear about ENT referral but thankfully have private medical insurance through DHs work so shouldnt take long.

Its beginning to affect my life so much though - if im dizzy I cant just go out in the car, I dont want to go and socialise as I feel so detatched from reality that I just can't hold a coversation with anyone. But I have to go out and about because my DD needs to get to nursery, ballet etc and she shouldn't suffer because of me.

I'm self employed too, and I'm struggling to work and get through my orders at the moment as Im too dizzy.....Ive felt so panicky this morning though that all these symptoms must be coming from the anxiety...I can actually feel it coursing through my body. And I could just sit here and weep buckets.

Anyone want to offer a slap around the chops and tell me to pull myself together?

Can they give anything for labyrinthitus (sorry cant spell?!)??

Im not having a great day today. I had a head cold and i now have really bad sinus pain, any kind of headache always makes me feel really anxious...

Im also going on a night away next week with dp and two other couples. Im dreading it, I always get very anxious when im away from the dc and also in a strange place. I always need to know where the nearest hospital is just incase...I wish it were just dp and I going. The friends im going with know about my HA but I think they sometimes think, oh just snap out of it!

Before I had dc, I loved my nights out I just dont think this is ever going to go away :( I was so much better up until xmas, Im so sick of symptom watching all the time. Sorry, just feeling a bit sorry for myself today.

Yeah I have medication but it's not terribly effective......my lovely DH must be so fed up of me moaning about feeling rubbish and panicking that I'm doomed.

Don't apologise for offloading....I don't know about you but I find it helpful to talk to like minded people.

Hope you're having a better day today.

Yes it must be hard for partners of people with mental health issues. Dp is good when i need him but it is very hard to understand HA unless you have it.

Was feeling fine all day but of course once kids are in bed, the demons come out to play!