not namechanged for this....being brave because i am about to make myself sound like a neurotic wreck of a creature 
ive been undergoing some counselling. its been a bit odd really, i went because i had a terrible child hood in which i suffered rejection, then abuse and neglect, before leaving home at the ripe old age of 15 and being homeless for a while. i had cut all contact with my mother, half brother and step father 12 years ago, but recently my mother had tried to get in touch with me, and i had tried to strike up a relation ship with dead beat drug addicted half brother which turned sour quite quickly.
it had resurrected the bad memories and thats why i had sought counsel.
The counsellor has not touched upon what happened to me at all. Instead he has focused on my personality, trying to change the way i view myself etc. Thats been ok if difficult at times. ive been about 4 times now to see this counsellor.
todays session felt pointless tbh, but i am persevering. He was talking to me about relaxation and inner peace, i had actually got more help on that score from a thread i had on here, and had already decided that i probably need to learn to meditate or similar. He said i was a prime candidate for "burn out". I do have a very stressful and difficult job which im not comfortable in, and i have two children, one teen DD of 14 and one grown up DS of 20, who has autism. (this is relevant....) aswell as a home to run.
at the very end of the session, he said he had noticed i had mentioned my DS a couple of times, and both times, i had mentioned that he has autism.
He said there was no need for me to say that and he wondered why i had mentioned it.
I said i just assumed that when i said that he has autism, that other people would automatically realise that i had my work cut out....that it was hard work, more so than living with a child without a disability,
i pondered a moment and then i said that i realise that when i say that i am mistaken, because how could they know, without experiencing it for themselves.
He said "but you have talked about him going to university"
i said yes. he is accademically bright. He has aspergers.
he said so its just socially then?
i said "in a nutshell, and he operates much younger than his years. I still have to organise so much for him"
He said i need to ask myself why i felt fit to mention it....he said not to take offence, but was it "like a trophy? or was it poor me?"
with that he finished the session.
ive come away feeling deeply unhappy. I do think that when i tell people that they will just realise that i am still doing things for a 20 year old that other people are not doing. I just had to fill in his DSA forms for uni, sort out his accommodation for uni, arrange an appointment at uni for a disability advisor so he can access support etc....on top of work a 54 hour shift rota, and keep a home running.
what would you make of this? am i being over sensitive? i was taken aback a bit, but then i apologised for mentioning it and left.
the more i think about it, the more unhappy i feel about it. Does anyone wear their childrens disability like a trophy? really? i dont feel i do. i do say it when i need to justify why i am still ringing him to remind him of a dental appointment...as i had to do today, or people would just think i was a mad woman who babies her 20 yr old son for no good reason. - wouldnt they?
i have also just realised while writing this down that i have an intense need to justify myself....is this part of the counselling process? to make me think about why i said it?
it took me so long to write this post mumsnet logged me out in the process...well done if you got this far!