Can't sleep, marriage falling apart...

[Ineversignedupforthis]

Trying to keep it together for now. Major problems with massively entitled, passive aggressive oh, which keep coming up. Been going on and off for 20 yrs (the problems).

Have bi-polar, which is generally under control, but know I have to be careful, particularly during stress, when I can't sleep.

Am back in that cycle where I wake up at 4 in the morning, almost bang on, as if by alarm clock. Any thoughts? Any poor sod up like me?

I agree with you that being alone is prefereble to being disrespected and lied to.

I don't want to go back, what we had clearly wasn't working.
I want to understand why it happened, then I may be able to see it happenening as and when I have another relationship.

I'll look at that model, I'd not heard of it.
Anything that helps me understand what's happening is great.

I can't think what I could add to the attic as a symbol.

Thanks for your support, it's very much appreciated.

And we're on page 7!

Lucky 7....have you got something you can have in your new room that really signifies who you are, as separate from anyone else? I don't know, maybe an ornament signifying a passion of yours....cat, violin, whatever?
I really like sheep...come from farming stock, and had a pet lamb as a child...something about my roots, but I have a few of them about.
You're welcome btw. x

I do have quite a bit of stuff like that, mind you most of it was around when xh lived here.
Maybe a Green man wall hanging or Ankh perhaps.

I had a look at that model of grief, made lots of sense, thanks.

I've stripped 3 of DD's walls of wood chip.
The paper came off really easily, mostly without need of the steam stripper.
The walls were a bit mouldy underneath, in places, mainly where the old paper had been left on.
Lots of suger soaping needed.
There are large gaps down the side of the window frame too.
I think I'll need a bucket of filler.

Yes, something that was NOT around when he was would be good. Could be a good excuse to go shopping....sounds like you got a lot of the work done on the room.

The woodchip in DD's room is history!
Going to wash the walls down next ready to paint tomorrow.

I've found some things in my 'stash' that look great in my new room.
Things that weren't around when xh was here.
And that I don't think xh would like. Yeah!!!

Hopefully get the painting done next week and then I can concentrate on xmas stuff.
I can't wait to go up to my friend's next weekend, it'll be lovely to get away.
From the decorating as much as anything.
I enjoy doing it but the house ends up in a tip in the process.

Yes! Things They Woudn't Like are always good I find...!
Yay to ex-woodchip. Weekend away will do you the world of good.
Just come back from the sols...it has taken her two weeks to do a draft will, and she has put me at the wrong address....glad she won't be doing the (inevitable) divorce. Letter says make an appointment to sign it. I go to the office, and they say Ring Her. Err, I'm here, at the office, what's your job exactly....this stuff is annoying at the best of times, and these aren't the best....
Got Crimbo sorted, pressie wise, a while ago. But for the day itself, me and dd are:
not having turkey, but getting nut roast, and maybe some special ice cream. Have been paying for a hamper all year, which has lots of goodies in. We are having new jim-jams, and will probably shower, put them on AND NOT TAKE THEM OFF ALL DAY. We will not be watching the Queen's speech, and reserve the right to watch lots of Jeremy Clarkson, if we can find him on any channel (ah hated him).
The Northies are coming on Boxing Day, and staying over. Twill be nice, and shall have a buffet. Little sis is staying in spare room, DM andDSD in hotel.

Feel free to pick any of the above for your day....

We've planned a buffet lunch for christmas day.
DD wants xh to come in the morning for pressie opening, hopefully he won't stay long.
We're out for tea to my friends who's got her adult kids staying.
Boxing day we're going to another friends for a 2nd christmas with all the trimmings.
Then on the 2nd jan off to birth mum's for a few days to have another christmas and get to meet all my relatives!
I make that 4 so far.

I like the idea of not taking pjs off all day.
Might have to di that the day after boxing day.

I've used a full tub of filler on the walls in DD's room, the woodchip was covering up walls that resemble a crazy golf course.

Sounds like a full calendar. Would it be an idea to limit time that ex is able to stay Crimbo day? Have somewhere you have to be, so he only has a one/two hour time slot or whatever...might be less wearing for you.

That's what I've been thinking. Mind you he'll no doubt want to go to his other family fairly quickly, hopefully.

He's been for DD this morning and disappointed her by saying he'd bring her home in time for tea. He usually has her for tea on a saturday.
She hasn't had tea with him for a fortnight, hasn't been put to bed (here) by him for four weeks and hasn't seen him first thing in the morning for three months.
So he really wants to spend time with her then!

Not that I'm resorting to sarcasm.

He's so inconsistent that she's starting saying that if daddy can't do stuff it doesn't matter.
It's such a shame that she's become so grown up and hardened to life.
She's such a sweetheart and he's missing out on it.
You would think he'd make the most of her love for him.
No doubt that will wane as time goes by, especially if he keeps mucking her around.

Yes, it is sad, but I am proud that my dd can see through the bs, though sad he is doing this to her.
Sadly, we can't control what they do, even when it breaks your heart.
I saw ah today. Noticed he wasn't wearing wedding ring, though he tried to hide it. When he noticed me looking, gave me a trite reason, and I said, "well, now might be a good time to sell it, the price of gold being quite high". I do sarcasm too. And he said, "Well, if that's the way we're going to go". Err, why is this all about MY choice. Didn't think I had any, and keep dd safe, and my sanity...

It does seem to be a theme that exs make it all about the money or what they want, and we rightly put our DD's first.

Eventually I would like to meet someone new, but first I want to establish stability for DD and get xh to have a routine of spending time with her.

He seems to think when he is with her it's for my benefit, he doesn't think about it being her visit with him.
It's no benefit to me to have him mucking her about.
She's too young to see the bs, I don't know if that's a bonus or not.

Not sure about the last bit...I agree with you, as it were.
I don't think I'll become a born again virgin, but not anxious to rush into anything. Would like to feel appreciated, after many years of not being.

I think I am already heading to virginhood, there'll be cobwebs soon!

You're probably right about DD knowing what's bs.
She loves her daddy and wants to see him.
She understands that 'he has other things to do', her words.
He's not doing himself any favours going forward is he?

Well the first coat of emulsion is on DD's walls, white for now just to get rid of the colour of the plaster.
Bright yellow and bright pink will go on next week, I'd better get my sunglasses out!

Neopolitan ice cream. Yum.

Oooh lovely, wish I had some.

DD home, xh in a grump about something, they'd had a fallout about something and nothing.
He looks distinctly unhappy with life. Shame.

Going to have a nice evening with some dvds I think.

I've got advent stuff to sort out, it's all stashed here and there.
I never buy the choc coins too soon as they get eaten, I'll get them on tuesday.

Hello, I used to post in Mental Health (under another name) and then I discovered Relationships (waves to Parsley). I have a diagnois of bi-polar but believe my marriage was a major factor in my symptomology, as I operated under continuous stress for decades.

You're all waking up early?? I'm staying up late, which I can do as not working and kids are grown

No, we do it all day nose. We're Uk, are you somewhere with a diff time?

Should have added,yes Nose know what you mean. I think I had to go, as in exit the relationship to save my sanity. Ah used to make out I was a bit bonkers, but given some of the things he was doing, pot calling the kettle sooty bum methinks. There is a certain type of abusive relationship that definitely makes you worse IMO.

Isis you think xh and tartywoman had a row?

In the NE Parsley. Only on a few threads, all EA. That's why I called you fool by accident, on your thread, even though I had just written a paragraph about The Herbs. I mixed up usernames

Sorry for hijack, skipped to the end of thread, will read when I have more time.

NE for North East? I think Child and I are posting later in the day, but it was stupid o clock at one point.

yes the North East, I love it, it keeps me sanish

Oh, that's good. Darlington not far from darling sister.

Oooh Parsley we've got another poster!
Welcome Nose.

I live south of Darlington (30 miles).

I think you may be right about the row, who knows what goes through his head.
I have been having dark thoughts that she'll have another child, she was always one for one-upmanship.

I'm still convinced it will end in tears. His mainly I would imagine.

I've convinced him that DD would like him to put her to bed tonight, rather than him turn up for an hour round teatime get her revved up and then leave me to calm her down in time for bed.

I'm off to the tip later, what a life !!

Ooh, off to the tip....good for the soul though, dumping stuff.

I may not get to the tip today, the excitement might be too much for me!
I think they may start charging me rent as I'm there so much at present.

I want to finish filling the walls in DD's room ready for the bright paint tomorrow.

I will have to go to the tip soon though, as I need the van empty for when I pick up my new chair from my friend's on saturday.

I've been down to the empty flat to let some prospective tenants view it this morning, DD went to her Auntie's to play.
I hope someone takes it soon, one of the other tenants has lost his job and is fighting to sort out housing benefit so he can pay his rent and arrears.
Aren't finances a mess in the world just now?