snowmash's cybergarden - spring edition

[madmouse]

hello

Oh hob I am so touched at Her Felinity's allowing me into her confidence! Could definitely do with those positive vibes in time for the trip. But what the heck, DP can pour me into bed and traipse round the archives with my notes and a puzzled look.

And I'm so impressed by you getting through another horrid thing today. Hope you're on a roll now for tomorrow, and shodatin's wise advice also proves useful. shodatin, you have so many excellent techniques like this - the protective "glass wall" was your idea as well, wasn't it.

Hope you've had a good day as well, and that Upward's was a bit more bearable. Tomorrow is the mouse family's day off as well, so here's wishing you fine weather.

Greetings to butterpie, kizzie and anyone else passing through.

Thankyou for the bedtime TIANC, much appreciated as I've been reading posts from MNers in riot areas, and hoping no-one's hurt. Glad they have the contacts to discuss with, as it must be scary, especially for people with small children or living alone. Mnet is being so supportive at this time.

Will say goodnight now, hope everyone sleeps well, and safely.

Afternoon lovely people - agree with shodatin that Mn is very useful for those in communities affected by the violence , & hope you feel able to call on neighbours in emergency .

Hope upward is having a tolerable day - it must be hard when it's several days since the experiment started & you're probably still suffering rotten sideeffects . Don't suppose you feel up to doing your jigsaw , chatting with a friend , or anything much . Hopefully dosage increase will be v helpful .

You are being so stoical about possibility of not being able to enact your plans TIANC . . I know how well I'd fare in archives with dh's notes < scratches head , sobs > Hope if the worst comes to the worst you'll feel up to good internet debate - or I could bore you about dh's research if you like < TIANC's body works frantically trying to heal enough to avoid such a fate >

Thank you so much for support & helpful techniques , shodatin & TIANC . I try always to analyse possible causes etc as you suggest , shodatin , but it's medical appts I'm juggling & I know I see heatlh care system & staff as the enemy after v bad experiences on part of loved ones & self ( in UK ) . I believe I have PTSD but have never been " allowed " NHS therapy for it ( & won't be I'm sure ) . Consequently I feel great anger & can hardly contain my fear around HCPs ... will discuss it with new GP when I can .< feels very positive > . Sorry if I bring back bad memories to any of you as all of us on upward's thread have to work closely with regular HCPs . I realised tomorrow would be more sensible time to face fearsome lady - not wimping out , I promise !

Still ing about Table Mountain mix- up , shodatin. So glad your relationship with DB has improved as his depression has slowly eased - I know how that damages relationships .

Her Felinity wishes you all a splendid evening , not too taxing of course.
< curls up healingly at upward's and TIANC's feet >

Thanks for explaining about the health professionals hob, and apologies if I've brought back bad memories for you. I have similar feelings, and it saddens me when help is with-held, but am grateful for present GP and I do hope your new one will be able to make a difference. This is probably not the place to discuss such things, but you do have my sympathy, and I learned the glass barrier technique while a consultant was hammering his fist on the desk, to gasps and whimperings from the young nurse.
Her Felinity must be such a soothing presence, particularly at times of stress, and what a good idea to let her accompany upward and TIANC at this difficult time.
I've had a good day, thanks, busy with small tools making long-overdue small improvements. Hope everyone else is doing well, and that people in riot areas can know companionship and peace.

Oh good grief, poor you hob. And shodatin too. Unbelievable - yet completely believable.

But thank you both so much for sharing that. A lot of my grumpy days are about things HCPs have done, too, so it's very inspiring to watch you bravely facing them again.

Oh talking of being inspired by you, forgot to mention I've finally started a thread about wheelchair stuff, after the encouragement you gave here. But I've been too flattened to post much - and anyway, other people have more expertise.

Upward hope you've been having as good as possible a day, and starting to feel less knocked out.

madmouse, did you do anything special for your family day, or just chill out?

kizzie, butterpie hope you're well and safe and haven't been affected by the violence.

Wishing everyone safe and peaceful nights, and a good day tomorrow.

Here's some sleepy and some fruit.

Thank you , upward , most refreshing < gets out wet wipes for gleeful juicy mess > *& thanks for posting when feeling very sleepy . We're all sending love & thoughts / prayers - hope it'll feel much less exhausting in a day or two .

Thank you so , so much for your kindness & advice , shodatin & TIANC . I must apologise again as I feared you would both have had foul experiences too < solidarity emoticon > Glad present GP seems decent , shodatin , but aghast at your tale of aggression there , & very angry that you've both had to battle this nonsense & been affected by it . Am sure upward is all too familiar with this issue .

( I would like to try to start a support thread for people with these concerns , if but wouldn't be till Sept so will shut up about it as you all have ploughed on determinedly , without complaint ) .

Love your wheelie thread, TIANC & will ask questions on it - it's so badly needed on Mn. Hope you're feeling a tiny bit less wiped out today ?

Are you feeling relatively OK at the moment , shodatin ? Thank you for your absolutely beautiful wishes on UK 's current troubles ... they calmed me ( am not in a troublespot , just gutted at grim times ) . Am most impressed at your busying about with small tools - you're very resourceful < nosy >

I managed to see a potentially fearsome person at new surgery today & she was amazingly nice , & offered me an appt which will throw me in at the deep end again so I hope I can deal with that . So thrilled to have managed today' s interactions & felt very "helped" by lovely people < sniff >

< Her Preciousness walks round all on upward's thread , nuzzling legs and demanding treats then settles at shodatin's feet to indicate approval of s 's recognition of Her Felinity's soothing properties >

So glad to read your news of the surgery, hoband especially your comment about "exceptionally nice" person who could have been fearsome. You must have felt like dancing as you left! I just know you'll do a good job of dealing with the next stage; just remember all you've accomplished since the last time, and that you do deserve to be treated with respect. Am so pleased for you.

I'm doing quite well thanks, having replaced a few nasty little bathroom fittings with some I've had in a box and forgotten about, (stained and mis-matched plastic is not a good look) and turned one of my old watches into a more useful pendant as the original was not worth repairing. It's good to feel "on top" of things generally, even got my writing project completed in one go, and I.m looking forward to DB's visit, of course.

Thank you for comment about your lovely cat - I can almost feel the vibrations of a quiet purr, and am sure we all appreciate the thoughtful visits.

Just checked times for ISS - too cloudy here to see anything- and decided an early night would be a good idea.

Thanks for fruit and upward, much appreciate that you remembered and hope today's been better for you and for TIANC* too.

Hope everyone sleeps well and in safety. Goodnight.

What a great result at the surgery today, hob - another step forward. I think you'll have a lot of takers for your thread about dealing with HCP's after HCP-induced trauma: I've seen people all over MN with similar issues.

shodatin your improvements sound lovely. It's highly satisfying to get things like that sorted, isn't it? Love the watch-to-pendant idea.

Perking up here, thanks, but I'm under strict instructions to continue Doing Nothing till the end of the week. Still snuck to the shed to pot a small plant tho - too nice not to get outside!

Hope everyone else has had a good day, and we're all safe tonight. Sleep well all.

Sorry to hear you missed seeing the ISS today shodatin & hope skies clear for next time . Will go out there in a minute - very shiny moon tonight . Your bathroom repairs sound very cheering & converting old watch into a pendant sounds fab . Brilliant about your writing project , & I hope weather wll be good enough to sit outdoors with DB .

Hope you & all of us have a peaceful night ,especially upward , whose determined efforts are on all our minds .

Thank you again for all recent help & sorry I've been so v self - centred . There you go again , shodatin , encouraging me ! Amazingly helpful ,thank you so much .

Hope kizzie is feeling a little better during her time of concentrated effort to calm her anxiety .

So pleased Her Beauteousness is a calming influence - she wants extra adoration to be of use to lovely people

Really hope you feel a little better in body & mood , TIANC , & if you'll forgive my saying so you got right to the heart of current trouble on that thread earlier - gangs . ( sorry , not very soothing topic for bedtime ) I really like Kids'Company's philosophy & I'm sure you good people are fans too

Optimistic dreams of constructive revolution to us all < poncey >

I hope everyone's had a positive day, particularly with troublesome aspects like HCPs.
I'm struggling a little with acceptance of MH symptoms - I find it seems worse/more real when they are itemised in a letter :s

Hi upward and yes thank you , am fortunate to be getting on with tasks slowly but surely .Thank you for taking an interest in all our interactions with health workers , & I was thinking particularly of you in recent months , dealing so graciously with such a high level of interference in your life in order to receive treatment .

So sorry you're distressed by that letter . I think most of us on the thread will have had somewhat similar experiences but maybe not all as stark as yours recently ... It is so difficult because I know you've been striving very hard towards acceptance , and you may still feel too wobbly & low in confidence to know whether your judgement is 100 % sound yet .

If you do feel the letter contains inaccuracies & your care workers are operating under misapprehensions , you can try to address this , perhaps with support from aanother . If you are distressed by fundamental facts of your health condition in the past months , this is what your MH team should be supporting you to the hilt with - this stuff can be terribly undermining , as I remember TIANC once describing it . Perhaps you could join a support group where you could meet othre highly intelligent people who've undergone similar experiences & can relate ?

It is absolutely shocking seeing unnacountable diagnoses & subjective opinions written as fact , as if diagnosed by means of physical tests . Many , many professionals & services users are deeply concerned about the traditional methods of assessment & have long been working towards a more rational & holistic approach , as you know ... < please discount all this if not applicable >

Really hope you can get some support with acceptance -you 've taken on a lot this week & I'm sorry you 're having a hard time .

Really , really sorry if there are no serious inaccuracies in that letter , upward , just a distressingly stark list of horrible experiences So sorry if I've made you feel worse .

FWIW I struggled for years to face the reality of X or y symptom I experienced during my worst mh episode , & seeing it all listed on paper would have finished me off for some years after - you are doing so well .

Thanks hob :) nothing that anyone's made 'worse' and no inaccuracies. Just a list of recent symptoms. It's the content combined with increased drugs that I'm not happy with as I'd reassured myself that I would stay better after I left. It's odd as the verbal feedback I got was has anyone told you how well you're doing?

I'm sorry if I've reminded others of difficult letters.

You are very kind , upward ,and thanks for clarifying .

Was that comment from staff at the hospital ? It must be very unhelpful if none of the staff who worked with you there have any part in your recovery at home - I thought perhaps you might have a periodic appointment with a psychiatrist from the hospital , but thinking about it , it wouldn't surprise me if you are having to deal with new workers now you're home , who have only notes & your memory to rely on ( I mean "only" as there must be times of your illness & initial medication which are very hazy ) .

I can see that your CPN & the CMHT may not have met you before . I do hope you can get some proper support after talking this issue through with your cpn or keyworker . Sorry if the thought of cpn meeting is still a stressful prospect , as it was last week . I'm sure she'll be impressed at your dosage increase .

No, it is the same team inpatient and in the community. Some of the awkwardness is because I have very little recollection of bring unwell, and I had really only had initial contact prior to being sectioned. So mostly pepple rely on their notes.

I just need to get used to the idea of taking more drugs for longer, and with how spaced I feel :)

Know exactly what you mean about seeing stuff written down, all in the same place, Upward.

Might it be that living independently is actually a lot more challenging (tho pleasanter!) than hospital? So you're having an increase in symptoms but the fact that you're managing at all is a sign your health has hugely improved?

If it's not too intrusive to say so, you're sounding soooo much better than a few months back, even if there's still a way to go.

Sorry, will read more when I've rested.

X-post.

Heh heh about spaced! There's people would pay for that!

(Tho I'm with you, don't like it. [control freak emoticon] )

That's a point, TIANC I hadn't thought about the alternative scenario of not coping, so you're right. Thanks for the , and it's great to hear someone non-medical say I sound better :)

I hope you're somewhere comfy to rest.

Hehe TIANC , yes I understand one of my drugs is abused in the US by prisoners pretending to have MH issues... I dont get it either.

You're so right about the context of the symptoms, TIANC , and about how vastly better upward is sounding .

Hope you get a good rest now , and that we're all relatively well today

Hello again upward, so sorry you're feeling a bit upset about the MH symptoms, but I do think it's entirely natural, and particularly with incomplete memories of the illness. Like the others, I think you've made a really good recovery, but it's a bit early to be completely yourself again (thinking of DB's recovery), and when you are, I'm sure you will be less upset about it. You do deserve congratulations on managing to live alone too, not easy at all.

We've both had to juggle various medications for some time, and I feel it will take a bit longer to keep adjusting them for best effect, but you will feel better with time and most likely be able to reduce at least some of them.
Know what you mean about one of your drugs being "desirable", as the pain clinic gave me one, and I can only imagine it takes a much higher dose to feel the benefit, and the economical NHS is just not giving us enough to feel happy

Hope you're feeling rested now TIANC and that hob is not too upset after posting about the HCPs - some really heartfelt comments there, and I just hope the bad experiences are all in the past.

Something else is in the past; I forgot to look out for the ISS and should have written myself a note or set the alarm.

Oops about missed ISS, shodatin. Hope you've had a good day apart from that - even without recreational levels of drugs!

Goodness, , you're one of the least self-centred people I know. Please don't ever think that you're being selfish or rambling on - your long posts are lovely (although on low-energy days I can't always read the thread in one go).

As for the political threads, I'm mostly repeating what other clever people have said. And I'm going to do it again:

I agree with hob.

DP has just presented me a jar of "artisan" honey from his home town - with the beekeeper's name on the label. Do you think with a particularly powerful microscope, we'll find the design made up of teeny tiny signatures from the actual, ahem, artisans?

Bedtime here, so Hello to madmouse, kizzie and friends, and sleep well all.